Should an Aspie adult have children?

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Most aspies work and function adequately even in a neurotypical society. It's only the diagnosed aspies that tend to be unemployed, and that's because it's only the ones having problems that tend to get a diagnosis. Aspies functioning adequately in society rarely get diagnosed.


Indeed. I got admission to a university full of aspies - MIT - and it was wonderful. For the first time, I was surrounded by people who actually said what they meant instead of expecting other people to guess what they were thinking. A culture dominated by aspies is completely different from a culture dominated by neurotypicals - don't knock it if you haven't tried it.

Having Asperger's Syndrome is a hard thing, for sure. But many of us can, with a positive outlook and a lot of hard work, learn to function fairly well. So I don't think it's such a grim thing, exactly, thinking of a larger percentage of us out there. I mean, yeah, it's definitely difficult raising kids when you're an Aspie, but you get through it somehow. I don't believe there's an ethical absolute present, as in, Aspies should not have children, period. I think it just gives a person pause to consider the possible outcome. But no, a larger percentage of Aspies does not mean the world is doomed.

It depends on the aspie. Not all of them are fit to be parents just like not all NTs are fit to be parents. I grew up where there were mean kids because their parents didn't care to do their jobs. They never checked up on them so they didn't know their kids well enough to know they were lying about what they did. The parents would believe them because it was easier than doing their jobs. My mom said they were lazy. Even my own best friend was left wandering around the block when she was still in diapers. My mom could remember her playing outside across the street and there be no grown up around. She be by herself. She even locked her own kids out of the house when I was eight because she and her parents didn't want them around. She let that happen. So the kids be left going to friends houses and that made it hard for the other families. But I always loved it because they come over to my house to play.

I think some aspies are better parents than NTs. But there are NTs who are good parents too such as my mother.

I have two children. I used to have stepkids also. I have trouble with the noise and constant touching of babies/toddlers but the issues fade as they get older.

One of my kids is NT as far as I can tell, and makes friends pretty easily, the other is younger and yet to see. I have a hunch that my youngest has something going on but really, who cares? I have suffered difficulties in my life, and was relieved to put a name to it when I found out about Aspergers, but I'm sure glad to have had the chance to live. And I'm sure glad I had the chance to have children.

In fact, if I could change anything about my life, it would be finding out about Asperger's earlier and working on my relationships with that slant instead of just freaking out and not knowing why.

I’m new here, and somewhat confused.

I know that Asperger’s Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder, however the criteria for meeting the AS label are ‘man-made’ i.e. members of the medical profession identified and selected specific traits which fill the diagnostic criteria for AS.

The diagnostic criteria for AS states that for a diagnosis to be given, an individual must meet six criteria. One of these criteria is significant impairment as a result of the ‘disturbance’:

“The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning”.

Therefore, my question is: how can one have AS if one does not have a clinically significant level of impairment/dysfunction? Is it more a case of functioning individuals having AS characteristics, rather than AS itself?

To answer Jumla's question, many of us, indeed, have impairment significant enough for us to be considered Asperger; however, our intelligence is high enough in other areas that we have learned to use our strengths to compensate adequately enough for those impairments. This does not eliminate the problem-- it only makes everyday life much more complicated for us as compared to someone who is neurotypical.

If they want to and can supply the resourses

I'm sorry, I cannot say whether someone one should or shouldn't based on their dx as someone with AS or not. I had two wonderful children and I have no doubt I have AS. My daughter is a NT and my son I believe to have AS like me. I had to sacrifice what I wanted to do sometimes in order to take responsibility as their mother. It was especially difficult for me as a Navy wife, wife with a terminally ill husband and single mother. But I would not trade my children for anything in the World.

I agree with OregonBecky.

I did not know I was on the autism spectrum until long after I had my children. I was married to a Neurotypical college professor, and we have three neurotypical kids, a boy and two girls. I found out too late, just how much noise kids and their friends can make. The noise alone was enough to drive me over the edge. Neurotypical kids need alot of activities to keep them happy and out of trouble. There are sports, musical recitals, birthday parties, non-stop doing things with friends, all of which has to be planned, (paid for), and supervised by parents. The socializing begins very young at 3 years old with preschool and playdates. The NT's mothers love all of this socializing, and delight in planning, supervising, and talking with all the other NT moms. Your child will not be included if you can't keep up with this level of social interaction.

I worked hard when they were young to provide all these opportunities for them, but when they approached the teen years, my neurotypical husband had to take over. I could not maintain the pace of social interaction needed to support them.

All three have launched into successful young adulthood (they are 24,22, and 20), so I guess our tag team parenting worked.

I, like Catlady, rely heavily on my husband for help, even though he's the kids' stepdad. He's not exactly typical, but I don't think he's autistic like the kids and me. Problem there is that he has no social ability either, because he's very shy and avoidant of such things for the most part. I guess it's a good thing I didn't end up raising the NT kid or he'd be up the proverbial creek without a paddle (my ex has custody of the only NT in the bunch). As it is, the 2 we have try to do a little bit of sports and other activity, and we don't navigate it very well, I'm afraid. Difficulties arise socially (always!) and all we can really do is let it fall as it may. I am very conscientious about doing my best to advocate for my kids with the school, but when it comes to making social connections with other parents I fall short, and have no real advice to offer my kids with their friendships, either, other than what is right and what is wrong.

Consider your genetic predispositions before deciding. I myself have dispositions in favour of developing depression, anxiety disorder, and PTSD (not to mention ASD).

Also, if you are raising the child yourself, are you skilled enough to be a good parent, and can you emotionally handle what having a child / being a parent involves?

Lastly, when you have a child, quickly identify your child's temperament, and seek treatment if your partner has post-natal depression. I state this for personal reasons, I was unable to bond properly with my mother because of untreated depression, and my parents made poor decisions regarding my upbringing.

I just cant do it, to myself or a child that might some day not be. However if "you" (being fellow aspies) can more power to you. All I really know is that my mom and especially my dad want grand-children. I can barely take care of myself let alone I baby, it just would not be anyone evolved.

I chose not to have children, more for financial/economic purposes than anything else. Yes, I know, one shouldn't put a price tag on having children. However, that is one thing most people overlook when considering having a child.

Good for you. People should always consider the financial costs before having kids. It's not responsible to have kids if you can't afford to bring them up.

While in undergrad, I researched the price tag of having kids. From the ages of birth through graduating from a four-year college/university, the amount was at least $200,000. Multiply that times all the number of children a single parent or parents have, and there you go. Don't know if I was wise beyond my years or what. Or "common sense" just happened to rule the day.

I went into this, even as my financial situation was "infinitely" much better than what it currently. One of my core values in life is traveling. I love to travel (feeling giddy about flying to San Francisco in less than two weeks for a three-day weekend). I reasoned that one day I might end up marrying someone who had kids. People don''t realize there's more than one possibility sometimes.

I'm gonig through this right now with my kids; they are three years old and while they are generally well behaved, there is a lot of screaming when they are tired or cranky. It really gets to me and I end up shouting back at them. I try to control that and to let my wife take over when they are getting to me, but it doesn't always happen and it can be a bad situation for me.