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mattschwartz01
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22 Sep 2014, 2:47 pm

I think each and every person has their own time table and we should not judge people by when they've had their first full on sexual experience. I am high functioning and had mine at 36 years old. It doesn't mean that I am deficient or broken. I take personal issue with The 40 Year Old Virgin. It does nothing but reinforce an artificial expectation of society.

Some men are extremely sensitive and want their potential partner to be really accepting of them before they will feel comfortable engaging in sex. I had no problem with oral but I always felt awkward for that I wouldn't do everything right. I had some psychological hangups. Even after my first experience, I didn't particularly enjoy it. I still don't see what sex is cracked up to be. I get far more pleasure from getting and giving oral or hand jobs. Yes, I actually like going down on a girl. I like getting her off and feeling her respond to my hand.

I'm clumsy and awkward when it comes to sex. It's going to take a very special woman to put up with me and right now I'm content to be single and enjoy my working life for the first time ever. I've found my new career as a truck driver to be incredibly satisfying. So much so, that for the time being, I've lost the desire for intimacy. I've never been very good at juggling personal and professional lives. Usually when one is doing well, the other suffers. Right now though, personally and professionally I'm content.



ASPartOfMe
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22 Sep 2014, 4:57 pm

mattschwartz01 wrote:
I think each and every person has their own time table and we should not judge people by when they've had their first full on sexual experience. I am high functioning and had mine at 36 years old. It doesn't mean that I am deficient or broken. I take personal issue with The 40 Year Old Virgin. It does nothing but reinforce an artificial expectation of society.

Some men are extremely sensitive and want their potential partner to be really accepting of them before they will feel comfortable engaging in sex. I had no problem with oral but I always felt awkward for that I wouldn't do everything right. I had some psychological hangups. Even after my first experience, I didn't particularly enjoy it. I still don't see what sex is cracked up to be. I get far more pleasure from getting and giving oral or hand jobs. Yes, I actually like going down on a girl. I like getting her off and feeling her respond to my hand.

I'm clumsy and awkward when it comes to sex. It's going to take a very special woman to put up with me and right now I'm content to be single and enjoy my working life for the first time ever. I've found my new career as a truck driver to be incredibly satisfying. So much so, that for the time being, I've lost the desire for intimacy. I've never been very good at juggling personal and professional lives. Usually when one is doing well, the other suffers. Right now though, personally and professionally I'm content.


Glad to to you have found a nice autistic career for yourself.

I don't expect society to change. I expected older virgins will always be pitied or derided patronized as much as any group of people. Yes folks I know going to a "sex worker" is an option. You re far from the first person to think you are introducing me to this idea.

As far as that movie is concerned outside of the breasts is like sand remark I was pleasantly surprised and thought it was moderately funny. Instead of making the Carroll character an object of derision they made him as a mellow nice guy.


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14 Oct 2014, 2:04 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
I don't expect society to change. I expected older virgins will always be pitied or derided patronized as much as any group of people. Yes folks I know going to a "sex worker" is an option. You re far from the first person to think you are introducing me to this idea.

Maybe its just me but how could virgins be derided by society? Literally nobody would have guessed I was a 29 year old virgin and my (crazy, hypersexual) ex even told me it took her a long time to believe I was telling the truth. There's no tattoo or mark that says "VIRGIN" on any man, Aspie or not. I did not tell her until a few minutes before the final act and she sounded quite surprised to say the least because I was quite skilled apparently. I guess not watching porn and being hopelessly naive is not always a bad thing. I still have only slept with 2 girls and didn't with the girl I went out with for three months. Looking back, that's probably not a bad thing since I might be able to salvage a good friendship and I fail to see how that is a bad thing. I want my third to be my last!



em_tsuj
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14 Oct 2014, 8:36 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
I don't expect society to change. I expected older virgins will always be pitied or derided patronized as much as any group of people. Yes folks I know going to a "sex worker" is an option. You re far from the first person to think you are introducing me to this idea.

Maybe its just me but how could virgins be derided by society? Literally nobody would have guessed I was a 29 year old virgin and my (crazy, hypersexual) ex even told me it took her a long time to believe I was telling the truth. There's no tattoo or mark that says "VIRGIN" on any man, Aspie or not. I did not tell her until a few minutes before the final act and she sounded quite surprised to say the least because I was quite skilled apparently. I guess not watching porn and being hopelessly naive is not always a bad thing. I still have only slept with 2 girls and didn't with the girl I went out with for three months. Looking back, that's probably not a bad thing since I might be able to salvage a good friendship and I fail to see how that is a bad thing. I want my third to be my last!


Is this an AS thing? because I think the same way about sex and relationships, and I have only seen other people express these opinions on wrong planet. Sex is not something that is bad. It is very enjoyable, but it has never been something that motivates me to move the heavens and earth to obtain. I am very indifferent to it and always will be. The only time I want sex is when I meet someone (male or female who I fall in love with). Then I want to express those feelings with sex. Other than that, I could care less about sex.



ASPartOfMe
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15 Oct 2014, 12:51 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
I don't expect society to change. I expected older virgins will always be pitied or derided patronized as much as any group of people. Yes folks I know going to a "sex worker" is an option. You re far from the first person to think you are introducing me to this idea.

Maybe its just me but how could virgins be derided by society? Literally nobody would have guessed I was a 29 year old virgin and my (crazy, hypersexual) ex even told me it took her a long time to believe I was telling the truth. There's no tattoo or mark that says "VIRGIN" on any man, Aspie or not. I did not tell her until a few minutes before the final act and she sounded quite surprised to say the least because I was quite skilled apparently. I guess not watching porn and being hopelessly naive is not always a bad thing. I still have only slept with 2 girls and didn't with the girl I went out with for three months. Looking back, that's probably not a bad thing since I might be able to salvage a good friendship and I fail to see how that is a bad thing. I want my third to be my last!


I have observed several occasions where people posted their lack of sexual experience online and get attacked mercilessly to the point they had to close their accounts. These are guys whose blogs I read because who have a special interest on a topics I am interested in. Then one day they write of their inexperience matter of factlly

On here I have I do not remember a mature virgin thread where the see a prostitute "advice" has not been given. I have seen several threads on Aspie forums where virgins were told something is wrong with them because they are virgins at 20.

Guys discuss sex all the time especially younger guys. . Since we are a sex saturated society a lot virgins have enough information to pass as experienced but not everybody.


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huytongirl
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07 Aug 2016, 8:26 am

I am an autistic woman and far from asexual. Sex, it seems to me, is, along with music, the greatest thing about being alive - not that I get much chance to be with anyone, because of all the social problems and emotional overload stuff.

The idea that someone would be derided for being a virgin appals me What the hell does it matter? If you care about someone, you'd want to be with him, regardless of how many or how few partners he'd had. It's as bizarre to me as caring about the colour of someone's hair.

Someone said something above about women being "shallow" or whatever. The thing is, I think some inexperienced men get into a sort of mindset that no woman will ever want them. They are oblivious to the signals women give out. Also, right or wrong, there are social roles in place for heterosexuals: a behaviour which is expected and whose absence is read as absence of interest. Classically, a woman will "signal" that the man may approach. If he doesn't, she assumes she's mistaken - he's not interested. And she feels mortified at her error.

Yes, some women can be cold, rejecting or patronising, but believe me, so can some men. "Women only want men who are... " Yes, well, I could say, "Men only want women who are... "

The other side of this "can't get a girlfriend" coin is pages of women talking about how the shy man they have a crush on seems indifferent to them and keeps backing away.

Anyway, I wouldn't care if it was a man's first time when he was with me. All I'd care about is that he was in general kind and loyal to me. What else matters?



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07 Aug 2016, 9:51 am

It probably is more of a hetro guy thing. The former "old maid" stereotype has died out with the widespread acceptence of the career women but the old "frigid" women or female who will not "put out" is a politically incorrect thing to say but it is still said in private. Inexperienced guys were when I grew up and are still are considered lower then liars, cheats and most types of criminals by most other hetro guys. Back then they called
people they suspected were virgins homophobic slurs now that that is a incorrect thing to say in public they are called losers or autistic. Yes autistic, the perception of sexual inexperience is part of the reason autistic has become a semi acceptable slur.

Just try IRL or online saying you are a guy virgin over the age of 20 and see what happens. You will be like I wrote two years ago mercilessly attacked or given, patronizing, condescending "advice".

Of course Autistic virgins are often not going to pick up signals from somebody else that they have the hots for them especially subtle signals. That is still is a common part of the condition.


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My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person. - Sara Luterman