Do you feel younger than your chronological age?

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First of all, I am so glad to see you're back, MissConstrue! I missed your posts.

And, I feel the same, about the stunted maturing process. I wonder if all the time and energy spent fielding attacks and teasing interfered with my maturing process. Lots of times, I feel about 13, as far as the way my sense of humor is.

Thanks Hartz and glad to be back.

For me AS and I'm not exclusively blaming the condition but rather the factors and circumstances that come with it. I think for me I felt as if I were on survival mode all the time. Aside from school my home life was also chaotic and scary to go to. It seems there's a lot of us on here who seem to relate to a great extent in our heightened sensativities and feeling socially clueless. I think as a child you find ways to escape it but then when it's time for you to grow up so to speak you're caught between survival mode and escape.

Very well put! I agree.

I've found that the gap between the age I feel and the age I am increases as I age. I suppose that's not uncommon...

I have a theory about why I feel younger than my chronological age, and I think it applies to other aspies, as well (such as the person quoted above). As people achieve various milestones in their lives, they gain greater maturity, which makes them feel older. These milestones include completion of elementary school, middle school, high school, and (possibly) college. Becoming employed full-time (especially at a professional white-collar job, as opposed to a blue-collar factory-type job) and owning a home are also important milestones, which make the person feel more mature, and thus also older. Marriage, then having children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, further add to the person's maturity and sense of being older.

Many aspies, because of their social difficulties, have not achieved many of these milestones. So the age they feel may often correspond to the age they were when the last milestone was achieved in their life. For example, if they graduated from high school but never went to college, were never employed in a professional position, never owned their own home (perhaps they even still live with their parents), and never got married, they may still feel (even 10 to 30 years later) like they are still 18 (the age they were when they completed high school).

As for myself, I received my bachelor's degree at age 22, was employed in a professional job at age 25, and was married at age 28. But my husband and I have no children (by choice). So even though I'm now 53, I still feel like I'm about 28 (the age I was when I completed my last milestone, that of marriage). Fellow aspies, what do you think about this theory? Do you feel about the same age as you were when you completed your last milestone? Or are there other factors you feel influence the age you feel? I look forward to reading your input!

This very much has been my experience.

My sister who's 4 years younger than me acts more like adult than myself. She's worked steadily, made many friends and relationships, gradutated from college, has her own place and so forth.

Oddly enough I'm the oldest in the family and she's the youngest yet I always looked up to her like an older sister... My milestones and achievements are very much stuck around highschool. Fear of mistakes and lack of motivation have pretty much kept me from achieving those milestones that even kids take for granted. But like my sister says there's always mistakes to come you just learn to navigate through them and find where your strengths are.

I think there's a lot to be said with maturity coming more from experience than age.

I'm 35, but I feel like I'm 5. The reason for this, is because my emotional age seems to hover around the 5 year old mark. I'm extremely sensitive and I cry easily. I also laugh about a lot of things that other people don't find very funny.

i was assessed as having a "plateau of development" that was 14.5 years old.

but i weigh 86kg's now and i only weighed 60 kg then, so i feel heavier than i did when i was 14.5
it is late and i must go to my bed and sleep.

Definately. I'm 22 and in terms of girly and social stuff I reckon I'm probably in my early teens - only just starting to think about things like clothing of being any interest whatsoever.

But you were born on Leap Day, so for you, 14.5 years is actually 14.5 * 4 = 58 years. (Because it's your birthday only once every four years, instead of once every year like most people.)

That's my attempt at a joke.

Yep, getting younger instead of older. Life is too strange.

it was a good joke i guess. it is better than i could think of.

but the doctor did not say 14.5 "birthdays".
she said 14.5 "years".
years happen even if i have no birthdate in them.

i guess she meant 14.5 solar orbits of the earth .

I like this theory, but I seem to be an exception. I've definitely achieved many of the milestones you mention, but still feel like I'm stuck at 16 emotionally, even though I'm presently 31. I was married young (17) and have 3 children, the oldest of which is now 12 (catching up with me!), and I have worked professionally in a steadily progressing career (IT) since I was 19. I've also owned two homes and after 11 years of taking classes part-time, finally finished by Bachelor's degree last Spring. Despite all these "milestones", I still feel incredibly immature, especially socially. I feel socially intimidated by people (usually men) who are much younger than me, and feel awkward around teenagers (the same way I felt when I was a teenager!) I also have trouble with "adult" responsibilities like paying bills and keeping up with housework, car maintenance, etc., so much so that I've had to turn over all household financial management to my wife and more often than not she has to remind me to get the oil changed or the safety inspections done. I also feel very intimidated by people who I percieve to be in a position of authority or are out to take something from me, especially bill collectors, salespeople or service providers like repair people, mechanics, etc. Most other adults I know handle themselves well around these types of people, but I am often very nervous and unsure of myself. The only people I seem to get along with are those who have similar interests, and who I work with. I have exactly 1 friend that I didn't meet in a workplace, and he and I have been tight since junior high. I went to a birthday party for one of my daughter's classmates a few weeks ago, and even though I was presented with multiple opportunities to socialize with other parents, I usually found myself shying away and feeling too intimidated to talk to anyone. I do much better at work; I think it's because I know what the expectations are. Out in the "real world", I am much less sure of myself and feel far younger than my actual age.

In my opinion, age 17 does seem like too young to get married, even for a neurotypical person who has great social skills and a level of maturity consistent with his or her age. But for an aspie, who has a maturity level of less than his or her age, it seems especially young. However, marriage at age 17 might be the right thing to do for some couples (especially if the couple has conceived a child prior to their marriage, and they want the child to be born into a good family, with a married mother and father). I'm not saying that Ed78 made a wrong choice by marrying so young (it might have been the right thing to do, given his circumstances). But the reason he is an "exception" to my theory (about the number of milestones affecting the chronological age he feels) may be due to the young age at which he married and started having children. For many people, graduation from high school, then graduation from college are milestones which help them gain the maturity necessary to be a mature and responsible adult after marriage. During college, they live away from home and learn to be independent (without constant supervision from parents) and learn to get along with same-gender roommates. Then, after college (and maybe after a few years of employment experience), they get married (usually between the ages of 20 and 30), with the maturity to be a good spouse and parent. In Ed78's situation, even though he did get his bachelor's degree later, after marriage and children, he did not have the prior experience of independent living and learning to relate to same-gender roommates, which may have helped him to enter marriage with a higher maturity level (a level where he would have felt older). The milestone of earning a college degree (after marriage and children) could have helped him to feel a little older, but perhaps (with the simultaneous responsibilities of a wife and children) he did not gain the maturing benefits of this milestone as much as he might have, if he had attended and graduated from college prior to marriage. That's my theory, anyway. How about it aspies? What do you think?

Yes. I feel like I am way too young to be about to turn 60. As for that theory on milestones, about the only one, that was listed, hasn't happened to me by now is having grandchildren. I don't know. All my adult life I have always appeared to be about 15 to 20 years younger than my age. At age 30 it wasn't an advantage to look 15. I grew my beard out because I was tired of being asked which high school I attended. I wonder if what age you feel has more to do with what you see looking back at you in the bathroom mirror.

Same here! I am in my early 50's, and still look about 15 years younger. I don't know why people think that looking younger than your real age is something good. I would much prefer, if I had the choice, to feel 15 years younger, and look my real age.