Bride not inviting several autistic sister to her wedding

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Summer_Twilight
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07 Dec 2021, 8:34 am

I don’t think Michael is a villain, I just think he is not comfortable and nor do I think he understands.

I don’t think Anna is sexually harassing him. Rather, I think she is probably socially and emotionally very immature. Additionally she does not understand boundaries because no one taught her those things.

I understand her parents, who want Anna to be included in the family wedding. There are so many autistic family members who get excluded from things all the time. I think they are worried about that. On the other hand, because of the boundary thing, it makes it difficult.

Now, if her parents have a problem with the situation then they aren’t obligated to attend the wedding. However, that’s very sad.



League_Girl
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07 Dec 2021, 12:56 pm

The problem is the parents, not Anna. They would rather not deal with her meltdowns but they should have dealt with them when she was little. Too many parents coddle their low cognitive kids, they expect everyone to just put up with it because it's easier than dealing with meltdowns. If Anna were a guy and doing this to a woman, reactions would have been different.

The parents could have hired someone to be with Anna to remove her from the situation when she has her meltdown.


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Summer_Twilight
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07 Dec 2021, 8:27 pm

I agree with her that it’s her parent’s fault. I think they are over reacting when it comes to their daughter attempting to set boundaries with them. However, I thought they were trying to make Anna feel included in a wedding.

That said, I never even thought about the meltdown part. However, I have known some parents who were overly protective of their adult disabled children. Instead of teaching then manners, they let you them do what they want. Instead, they spoil them with gifts.



League_Girl
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07 Dec 2021, 9:23 pm

My mistake, they were shut downs, I had to re read. But they still need to just deal with it. They did try to include her but the parents rejected every accommodation; having someone with her or have her see it online. So the bride decided to not have her come.


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kraftiekortie
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07 Dec 2021, 9:29 pm

I hope this doesn't affect Anna too much.

If I wasn't invited to a wedding, I wouldn't care all that much. I don't like weddings, anyway. But I would be hurt that I was excluded because I'm an "embarrassment." This sort of thing hurts me to the core.

The couple had a right not to invite her.

But then....you have to transcend that, and live your own life, despite the stupidity of other people.



Summer_Twilight
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08 Dec 2021, 10:20 am

League_Girl wrote:
My mistake, they were shut downs, I had to re read. But they still need to just deal with it. They did try to include her but the parents rejected every accommodation; having someone with her or have her see it online. So the bride decided to not have her come.


Honestly, I would love to get ahold of AITA and suggest to Anna's sister and fiancée to see if there are going to be any other wedding guests who also have disabilities who Anna could meet? I think the big picture is maybe Anna would like to have a boyfriend.
She could also really like her future -brother in law. I have known some other autistic with profound disabilities who like to hug and kiss people and not romantically.



League_Girl
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10 Dec 2021, 2:28 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
My mistake, they were shut downs, I had to re read. But they still need to just deal with it. They did try to include her but the parents rejected every accommodation; having someone with her or have her see it online. So the bride decided to not have her come.


Honestly, I would love to get ahold of AITA and suggest to Anna's sister and fiancée to see if there are going to be any other wedding guests who also have disabilities who Anna could meet? I think the big picture is maybe Anna would like to have a boyfriend.
She could also really like her future -brother in law. I have known some other autistic with profound disabilities who like to hug and kiss people and not romantically.


Honestly I would not like to be hugged or kissed and I would refuse it from anyone except for my kids and husband but even they don't do that to me unless they let me know in advance. Too much hugging gets me overwhelmed. So it wouldn't be any better if it came from someone who was never taught boundaries and appropriate touch because the parents were too lazy to deal with any shutdowns. That is part of being a parent, I have dealt with meltdowns and tantrums with my kids and dealt with them more in my son and his weaponized incompetence. He has actually pretended to be stupid too to get out of school work lol but I just sat with him and had him "keep trying" and he would lose electronics for a day and also be in the corner until he was ready to work again. This lasted a month and then he would get better and then go back to this again and we would do this again.


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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.