NewsweekQuote:
A woman's refusal to let her autistic teenage brother-in-law join her vacation has flared up a fiery discussion about ableism in families.
The 25-year-old woman, posting anonymously on Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum, asked the internet if she was wrong for "not wanting my husband's 17 y/o brother to come with us on our vacation." Her post from Monday has received 9,500 votes.
The woman explained that her husband's remaining parent died four months ago, and his 17-year-old brother Ryan was now living with their aunt.
"He's autistic and I kind of find it hard to interact with him and being around him generally gives me anxiety," the woman said.
Her husband proposed bringing Ryan on a vacation they had planned, hoping to "cheer him up a bit after all that he's been through." The woman said no. Her husband pointed out that they were not going on a couple's getaway, since he was fine with her bringing a friend along.
“I told him that first [off], I already stated how I can't handle Ryan's autism and also, I've never been on vacation with him and I don't know how he would behave," said the wife.
Her husband was offended, saying it was "cruel" to exclude his orphaned brother just because of slight inconveniences.
The woman said, "I told him to drop it but he lectured me about how he's the one paying for it which really irked me because I'd paid for so many things in the past."
Later, her husband's aunt called to give her a "stern talk," saying that Ryan had done nothing to deserve her rejection.
The woman said she was still arguing with her husband, adding, "My friend thinks that my husband is trying to control me by using the fact that he is the one paying to spring whoever he wants on me on the vacation."
Most of the woman's audience slammed her for refusing to invite her brother-in-law.
A comment with 29,000 votes argued, "The ableism is strong here. And your friend is enabling your BS."
"You should really sit with why your husband's little brother makes you uncomfortable and what that says about you," another user agreed. "Have you read anything about autism or put any effort into trying to get to know him? This is the family you married into, and it is heartbreaking how cold you are being because he is autistic."
However, a smaller proportion of respondents sympathized with the wife, pointing out that caring for people with autism can be a challenging burden for family members.
One supporter commented, "She's not using slurs or calling him stupid or anything. She's saying she can't deal with his symptoms and has issues of her own and that she wants a vacation that's actually a vacation for her as well."
I dont know how severe her BIL's autism is. If he cannot adapt, be flexible, be in his own, etc. I wouldn't want him to come either. I would want to enjoy the trip without having to work around his autism and be limited. Even as a patent I would never subject other people to this if my kid was this severe. My mom didn't let me go on thr honor roll trip in the year 2000 because my anxiety was so bad then, it would have burdened other kids amd my mom didn't want them to be subjected to my issues.
16 Aug 2022, 2:02 pm
