The autism spectrum is a partial lie

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.Actually all of my thoughts and feelings are not based on other peoples expectations, if they where I would be trying to follow all the rules. I just do not enjoy some of the problems that come from some of my difficulties. I am fine with just looking people in the eyes on occasion if I feel like it, but the trouble is even when I would prefer to make eye contact I cannot. And I actually usually do not give in to pure pressure....mostly because I don't want to but also because soemtimes I just dont understand whatever social norm it is people expect me to follow.

2. And I don't how to say anything really without thinking about what I am going to say first, sorry if that bothers you or anyone else I am fine with it because I don't like small talk anyways. But it still can cause unpleasent social situations that cause me pain.

3.I have serious depression, I do my best not to mope about but it is something I have to live with every day and sometimes it gets so bad I become sucidal, and that is a very scary unpleasent place to be. I can't just up and get over having a mental illness with pure willpower.....I can cope with it the best I can though. coping=doing something about it.
but thank you for being another person to tell me how I need to 'get up and do something about it.' or 'just get over it' When I have been having to cope with depression for most of my life mostly alone because no one knew or cared...and I can cope but it is not realistic for people to assume I can just think it away. have you ever been severly depressed for 14 years?

4. I am not talking about when I was a child.....I am talking about even now it is never pleasent to have someone to accuse you of lying when you aren't.

5. I am not sure exactly why I got PTSD....all I know is I was sitting in the classroom reading and an announcement came on and told us something about a Code White alert(apprantly that is code word for lockdown). So the teacher turned off the lights told us to sit on the floor out of the view of windows and doors. during this a girl told me she was suprised I was not the psychopath with the gun which did not help......I mean I guess she did not think maybe I was not enjoying it anymore then her. Then a cop with a gun drawn came in to escort us downstairs to another room, the swat team was in the hallways. Then we got evacuated to another building where we sat for hours until they finally had us get on buses to be taken to the elementary school to get picked up. I assumed I was fine the following days because I had felt somewhat calm during the whole ordeal while a lot of others where crying and such. But then when we went back to school I noticed I could not focus on reading which had been my favorite activity up until that took place. I still tried to ignore it, tried to convince myself I had not been affected after all, I did not see the girl get shot so I figured it might cause ridicule and felt I could not handle that......but yeah I have all the required symptoms.

I know coping is not the same as ending and how is anything you said obvious.....And I don't agree with what you said about the depression. It was actually kind of hurtful because a lot of people that really don't understand tell me how I just need to grow up, get over it, get self esteem, put more effort into it(when is all the effort I have going to be enough(I mean you can only squeeze so much juice out of an orange before it becomes empty) and just quit being depressed like in some twisted way it is all my fault I have a mental illness.

And I am pretty sure I feel like I am in control of my body....I regulate what I eat, what I do, if I want to drink a beer or not ect. I do seem to have an issue with feeling detatched sometimes which is bothersome but it does not happen very frequently.

Everyone's depression is different. Mine had to do with exclusion. It to professionals to correct it.

I am a female and that is the sort of depression I have experianced for 14 years of my life, some days are better then others but it's always there.....and so I have to cope with it and continue on my life as best as I can. I don't see the problem.

Maybe for you....but as I said my depression has lasted for as long as I can remember, and it was not over something direct like a relationship problem. That sort of depression tends to be easier to overcome because you can directly relate it to the problem and fix the problem and then overcome any left over feelings of depression.