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RUKidding
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02 Apr 2013, 8:54 pm

You know, while I understand you guys have problems that aren't really your fault, I notice that not one of you seems to have a sense of empathy for what neurotypicals who get entangled with you go through. Not even one of these posts reflects that. All you do is basically post "poor me, I can't help it" and THEY should understand that. Shutting down a conference for people who need to be able to support each other from what they are put through by some people on the ASD scale is NOT "activism", IT IS BULLYING. I happen to have a friend who tried for 15 YEARS to have a sense of empathy and compassion for the ASD husband she married and the court system has allowed him to drain her of literally 100,000s of dollars abusively litigating against her. She did nothing to harm him, spent years trying to help and you people have absolutely no sense of empathy for someone who has gone through something like that? I wonder if you have what it takes to actually let this post stand? And, yes, she has done her work and realized what problems of her own got her to miss his problems before she married him. But, you know what? I know plenty of people with her problems that certainly didn't get into a relationship with a person on the ASD scale. So, you'll never convince me that "women with issues" tend to marry people on the ASD scale.



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03 Apr 2013, 12:17 am

Whew, I'm glad I didn't marry a woman.



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03 Apr 2013, 1:24 pm

This is most excellent. :cheers:



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03 Apr 2013, 4:13 pm

RUKidding wrote:
You know, while I understand you guys have problems that aren't really your fault, I notice that not one of you seems to have a sense of empathy for what neurotypicals who get entangled with you go through. Not even one of these posts reflects that. All you do is basically post "poor me, I can't help it" and THEY should understand that. Shutting down a conference for people who need to be able to support each other from what they are put through by some people on the ASD scale is NOT "activism", IT IS BULLYING. I happen to have a friend who tried for 15 YEARS to have a sense of empathy and compassion for the ASD husband she married and the court system has allowed him to drain her of literally 100,000s of dollars abusively litigating against her. She did nothing to harm him, spent years trying to help and you people have absolutely no sense of empathy for someone who has gone through something like that? I wonder if you have what it takes to actually let this post stand? And, yes, she has done her work and realized what problems of her own got her to miss his problems before she married him. But, you know what? I know plenty of people with her problems that certainly didn't get into a relationship with a person on the ASD scale. So, you'll never convince me that "women with issues" tend to marry people on the ASD scale.


Its also bulling when you try to force people to change when they can't. Its bulling when you are labeling all people with AS/ ASD the same.

I am in a very happy fulfilling relationship now,and guess what, I have AS. I have worked on myself. I have been in lots of relationships where I explained my AS to my partner, I told her flat out how I needed her to communicate. I also asked Her what i needed to do to help and always did that. But even after I asked my partner to be clearer when talking, not saying A and doing B, ect., my partner would not change they way they talked to me, so more confusion happened and we'd always break up.

Sounds like the person you talked to never made a real effort to help the man. Maybe if she took responsiblity for her part, things would have been better.

I wonder what part of Mass. this hate group is based out of. I'm in Mass, too. EDIT: they are literally walking distance from my house.

Plus here on WP, anyone can join and share, you don't have to pay a fee. I wonder what FAAAS is afraid to make people pay to even look at there fourms?

How can we get these guys labeled as a hate group? I love how it says right on there site that people with AS never feel rejection or emotional pain?



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03 Apr 2013, 10:42 pm

Excellent news! FAAAS is an absolutely disgusting organisation.



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04 Apr 2013, 2:40 pm

KenM wrote:
How can we get these guys labeled as a hate group?


Maybe these guys? http://www.splcenter.org/?ref=logo
I don't see any disability hate groups listed on their site, though.

KenM wrote:
I love how it says right on there site that people with AS never feel rejection or emotional pain?


Where?



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04 Apr 2013, 2:59 pm

Sslaxx wrote:
westernwild wrote:
I'd be curious to see what the hate group's message board has to say about this (I can just imagine all the venom spewing forth), but I'm sure as hell not gonna pay ten bucks just for the privilege of being able to see the message board. That's right, you gotta pay just to see their stupid message board. Yeah, right.
snerks Ten dollars for a board of hate. I don't think I'd want to waste a penny on those losers.

As of the time and date of this post, their yearly membership fee is $29.95 (US), and they have 15 total members.

That means that they've made a whopping $449.25 (US) from membership fees.

Impressed?

:roll:


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04 Apr 2013, 3:40 pm

RUKidding wrote:
You know, while I understand you guys have problems that aren't really your fault, I notice that not one of you seems to have a sense of empathy for what neurotypicals who get entangled with you go through.


And I notice that you have failed to explain exactly what it is that they "go through". Do tell.

RUKidding wrote:
Not even one of these posts reflects that. All you do is basically post "poor me, I can't help it" and THEY should understand that.


That isn't true. Most of us try to improve upon things that cause discomfort to our Neurotypical partners, within reason. We simply expect some understanding in return.

RUKidding wrote:
Shutting down a conference for people who need to be able to support each other from what they are put through by some people on the ASD scale is NOT "activism", IT IS BULLYING.


Okay ... So, shutting down a conference of an organisation which perpetuates negative stereotypes about us, posts misinformation, gives women with unreasonable expectations an excuse for their behaviour, and essentially aims to make finding romance even more immensely difficult for us than it already is, is bullying?! Sure.

RUKidding wrote:
I happen to have a friend who tried for 15 YEARS to have a sense of empathy and compassion for the ASD husband she married and the court system has allowed him to drain her of literally 100,000s of dollars abusively litigating against her. She did nothing to harm him, spent years trying to help and you people have absolutely no sense of empathy for someone who has gone through something like that?


If what you say is true, then her husband sounds like a total as*hole. An Autistic as*hole. But guess what? There are also Neurotypical as*holes. As far as we know, Osama Bin Laden was a Neurotypical, but have you seen a single post here equating all Neurotypicals to the likes of him? Allow me to answer: No, you have not and will not.

We do not perpetuate negative stereotypes about you based on the actions of one individual, so why do you do this to us?

RUKidding wrote:
I wonder if you have what it takes to actually let this post stand?


Yes, we do.

RUKidding wrote:
And, yes, she has done her work and realized what problems of her own got her to miss his problems before she married him. But, you know what? I know plenty of people with her problems that certainly didn't get into a relationship with a person on the ASD scale. So, you'll never convince me that "women with issues" tend to marry people on the ASD scale.


The woman who are members of hate groups such as FAAAS, most certainly do have issues.

Now, please go away, and stick your hateful attitude where the sun don't shine.



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04 Apr 2013, 4:18 pm

This group is more messed up than a drunken crack whore passed out on a park bench.



KenM
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04 Apr 2013, 4:19 pm

Nonperson wrote:

KenM wrote:
I love how it says right on there site that people with AS never feel rejection or emotional pain?


Where?


Well they don't say it, but on the first part of "what is aspergers syndrome" it says: It is the spouses, parents, siblings, and children, of those with Asperger's Syndrome that experience the emotional pain.....
Feelings of rejection and loneliness play a major role in the lives of the family members of individuals with Asperger's Syndrome.
This STRONGLY implies that people with AS don't have any emotions, can't feel emotional pain or know the feeling of rejection.

They don't have that many members, small time, not worth it.



RUKidding
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03 Jun 2013, 1:45 pm

Quote:
Its also bulling when you try to force people to change when they can't. Its bulling when you are labeling all people with AS/ ASD the same.


It's also bullying when a neuro-typical person tries to walk away and her partner with Asperger's who happens to be 5 times your size blocks the door, chases you around the house, catches you and squeezes you until you have documented bruises because they can't stand the idea you might leave. It's also bullying when the partner with Asperger's ends up in your living room, uninvited, in another house after you've left him two years earlier. No one tried to force this man to change what he couldn't. All she wanted was out.

Quote:
"I am in a very happy fulfilling relationship now,and guess what, I have AS. I have worked on myself. I have been in lots of relationships where I explained my AS to my partner, I told her flat out how I needed her to communicate. I also asked Her what i needed to do to help and always did that. But even after I asked my partner to be clearer when talking, not saying A and doing B, ect., my partner would not change they way they talked to me, so more confusion happened and we'd always break up."


As you said earlier, it's also bullying when you try to force people to change when they can't. Has it ever dawned on you that's it's as hard for a neurotypical person to constantly change their communication mode just to suit your needs, that it's totally unnatural for them and never getting some kind of communication form they need is totally draining? "I told her flat out how I needed to communicate"? Wow. That sounds more like a demand than a request for compassion, especially one that communicates you understand just how hard it may be for her to consistently do this and that if she just can't do it, you understand. You say you asked her what you needed to do to help but then you complain that it is your partner who refused to change. What exactly did you do to help? You never say. No wonder you've been through "lots" of relationships. That doesn't tell you something? Tell me, what is your current girlfriend like? How long have you been with her?

Quote:
Sounds like the person you talked to never made a real effort to help the man. Maybe if she took responsiblity for her part, things would have been better.


Actually, the problem was, she was the only one who took responsibility.


I wonder what part of Mass. this hate group is based out of. I'm in Mass, too. EDIT: they are literally walking distance from my house.

Plus here on WP, anyone can join and share, you don't have to pay a fee. I wonder what FAAAS is afraid to make people pay to even look at there fourms?

How can we get these guys labeled as a hate group? I love how it says right on there site that people with AS never feel rejection or emotional pain?[u]



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03 Jun 2013, 2:53 pm

Are you hating on AS or not? I don't understand, you say they are being unfair to NT's, and I understand that, but then they are saying stuff like AS people don't feel emotional pain, which itself is hate, so can you please kind of clarify what the situation is before we comment, a lot of people might be confused. Trying to understand before I go saying my two cents.


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RUKidding
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03 Jun 2013, 8:55 pm

implying an as doesn't feel emotion is flat wrong.



RUKidding
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03 Jun 2013, 9:18 pm

Quote:
"And I notice that you have failed to explain exactly what it is that they "go through". Do tell."


From what I've seen here, you guys demonize every website that discusses it. You already know what they are.

Quote:
"RUKidding wrote:
Not even one of these posts reflects that. All you do is basically post "poor me, I can't help it" and THEY should understand that.


That isn't true. Most of us try to improve upon things that cause discomfort to our Neurotypical partners, within reason. We simply expect some understanding in return."


I was referring to the posts I'm reading, that's all. "within reason" to whom? You? What if your partner doesn't find it reasonable? Expect? That's kind of the problem, isn't it? Perhaps "ask" would be the more preferable word if you didn't want to appear as "demanding" as some of the people who have dealt with you guys report experiencing? How much of a choice and full information do you really give the people you are about to get involved with? How much do you minimize to prevent your risk of losing a potential? Do you take advantage of the counseling and support groups available for supporting these partnerships and introduce your prospective others to them? Just wondering.

Quote:
RUKidding wrote:
Shutting down a conference for people who need to be able to support each other from what they are put through by some people on the ASD scale is NOT "activism", IT IS BULLYING.


Okay ... So, shutting down a conference of an organisation which perpetuates negative stereotypes about us, posts misinformation, gives women with unreasonable expectations an excuse for their behaviour, and essentially aims to make finding romance even more immensely difficult for us than it already is, is bullying?! Sure.


It's actually an unreasonable expectation for a woman to want a husband who can actually communicate things like "love, attentiveness, affection, mutual interest in the way she neurobiologically needs as a neurotypical? Really?? I've seen plenty of articles on the FAAAS website that actually aim to try and give you guys understanding. I'm not sure how talking about the actual problems you guys exhibit like "mindblindness" is perpetuating a negative stereotype. I'm thinking, for example, of other organizations that deal with certain problems, like NAMI and AA. Both of those organizations have auxilliary support groups for loved ones who live with the problems their loved ones engender and they speak quite frankly and openly about their frustrations and experiences. Why can't a person who is dealing with an ASD spouse?

Quote:
RUKidding wrote:
I happen to have a friend who tried for 15 YEARS to have a sense of empathy and compassion for the ASD husband she married and the court system has allowed him to drain her of literally 100,000s of dollars abusively litigating against her. She did nothing to harm him, spent years trying to help and you people have absolutely no sense of empathy for someone who has gone through something like that?


If what you say is true, then her husband sounds like a total as*hole. An Autistic as*hole. But guess what? There are also Neurotypical as*holes. As far as we know, Osama Bin Laden was a Neurotypical, but have you seen a single post here equating all Neurotypicals to the likes of him? Allow me to answer: No, you have not and will not.


Maybe because neurotypicals don't have a standard diagnostic criteria that includes "significant impairments" interacting with others? That's why people like Osama Bin Laden get shot and not a special defense based on their standardized diagnostic impairment? Yes, I agree, not all people with Asperger's are outright menaces to society, in fact, from what I've read, they are few. However, it is a rather streamlined reported experience of neurotypicals that you guys can be quite draining, whether to the point of actual menace or not.

Quote:
We do not perpetuate negative stereotypes about you based on the actions of one individual, so why do you do this to us?


As I understand it, what you call a negative stereotype is actually a standardized diagnostic criteria, i.e. problems to the extent of "marked impairment" in relating to others which stands out in the experiences of people who deal with you guys.


RUKidding wrote:
Quote:
And, yes, she has done her work and realized what problems of her own got her to miss his problems before she married him. But, you know what? I know plenty of people with her problems that certainly didn't get into a relationship with a person on the ASD scale. So, you'll never convince me that "women with issues" tend to marry people on the ASD scale.


The woman who are members of hate groups such as FAAAS, most certainly do have issues.


Yeah, it's a serious issue to want someone who can actually reciprocate without "marked impairment" in doing so.

Quote:
Now, please go away, and stick your hateful attitude where the sun don't shine.


For what it is worth, I have a significant "relationship impairment" problem too, there mere mention of which conjures negative images and stereotypes. Outside of a clinical setting and special support groups, it's only spoken of with ridicule and people who, on the surface accept you, by and large know they'd never want a relationship with you. I know, personally, that if I did not have the problem, there is a 99.9% chance I'd never want to deal with someone who did in a "romantic" partnership. It's a problem there was nothing I could do about having, it exists through no fault of my own. You know what I don't do? I don't "expect" anybody to accomodate me over it when I know it could cause them problems. I'm up front in describing to anyone just the extent of problems they may be dealing with if they get involved with me and I am very careful to date long term before expecting them to risk a real commitment and I make it clear to them that if they need to look deep and make sure they really can handle it and that I understand if at any point they realize they can't, I hold nothing against them. I realize my options are limited and that because of that I may never get the relationship I really want. The way I see it, life sucks in one way or another for a huge population on this planet and I'm thankful for what I do have instead of what I may just have to learn to live without no matter how desperately I'd like to have it. I have a great deal of sympathy for what someone goes through who unwittingly gets involved with someone with my problems and suffers as a result.

Anyway, I hardly find my attitude "hateful". All I noted was that I didn't see one post on these boards that once acknowledged a thought for the difficulties someone dealing with your "marked impairments" might endure and just how bad it can get. I know alcoholics and schizophrenics who do and these are both problems exhibiting "marked impairments" in relationships. I wish you guys luck, I really do. Perhaps with the help of people like Ms. Marshack you can. But, quite frankly, I know of no other group of people with atypical neurology who are nearly as noisy as you guys are against neurotypicals when neurotypicals complain of the problems their atypicals engender in a relationship. You seem to work real hard to minimize their experiences and keep them from getting the mutual emotional support they need from people who understand what they are going through. That's all.



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05 Jun 2013, 7:28 am

Fnord wrote:
Sslaxx wrote:
westernwild wrote:
I'd be curious to see what the hate group's message board has to say about this (I can just imagine all the venom spewing forth), but I'm sure as hell not gonna pay ten bucks just for the privilege of being able to see the message board. That's right, you gotta pay just to see their stupid message board. Yeah, right.
snerks Ten dollars for a board of hate. I don't think I'd want to waste a penny on those losers.

As of the time and date of this post, their yearly membership fee is $29.95 (US), and they have 15 total members.

That means that they've made a whopping $449.25 (US) from membership fees.

Impressed?

:roll:


Where do you find that information??

Because, you might be an ass, but you're a SMART ass. I would prefer to avoid being an ass, but I want to be smart (though I think in this world they go hand in hand).

Reason I ask is because I found FAAAS's site years ago (along with the collected works of Maxine Aston) and proceeded, based on that, to force myself to accept that I am a lesser, undesirable subhuman being who does not deserve equality or to be treated with respect.

It would be really nice to find out that I did that based on the slickly presented opinions of 15 bitter Massholes. It would really help with undoing it.

Though I don't know what I'd do about Ms. Aston. Since she did turn out to be right about quite a few things (like the ADHD/Autism connection) and, for all I hate her, have to admit that I do see evidence all around me that Cassandra Syndrome really does exist.


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05 Jun 2013, 9:22 pm

RUKidding wrote:
Quote:
"And I notice that you have failed to explain exactly what it is that they "go through". Do tell."


From what I've seen here, you guys demonize every website that discusses it. You already know what they are.

Quote:
"RUKidding wrote:
Not even one of these posts reflects that. All you do is basically post "poor me, I can't help it" and THEY should understand that.


That isn't true. Most of us try to improve upon things that cause discomfort to our Neurotypical partners, within reason. We simply expect some understanding in return."


I was referring to the posts I'm reading, that's all. "within reason" to whom? You? What if your partner doesn't find it reasonable? Expect? That's kind of the problem, isn't it? Perhaps "ask" would be the more preferable word if you didn't want to appear as "demanding" as some of the people who have dealt with you guys report experiencing? How much of a choice and full information do you really give the people you are about to get involved with? How much do you minimize to prevent your risk of losing a potential? Do you take advantage of the counseling and support groups available for supporting these partnerships and introduce your prospective others to them? Just wondering.

Quote:
RUKidding wrote:
Shutting down a conference for people who need to be able to support each other from what they are put through by some people on the ASD scale is NOT "activism", IT IS BULLYING.


Okay ... So, shutting down a conference of an organisation which perpetuates negative stereotypes about us, posts misinformation, gives women with unreasonable expectations an excuse for their behaviour, and essentially aims to make finding romance even more immensely difficult for us than it already is, is bullying?! Sure.


It's actually an unreasonable expectation for a woman to want a husband who can actually communicate things like "love, attentiveness, affection, mutual interest in the way she neurobiologically needs as a neurotypical? Really?? I've seen plenty of articles on the FAAAS website that actually aim to try and give you guys understanding. I'm not sure how talking about the actual problems you guys exhibit like "mindblindness" is perpetuating a negative stereotype. I'm thinking, for example, of other organizations that deal with certain problems, like NAMI and AA. Both of those organizations have auxilliary support groups for loved ones who live with the problems their loved ones engender and they speak quite frankly and openly about their frustrations and experiences. Why can't a person who is dealing with an ASD spouse?

Quote:
RUKidding wrote:
I happen to have a friend who tried for 15 YEARS to have a sense of empathy and compassion for the ASD husband she married and the court system has allowed him to drain her of literally 100,000s of dollars abusively litigating against her. She did nothing to harm him, spent years trying to help and you people have absolutely no sense of empathy for someone who has gone through something like that?


If what you say is true, then her husband sounds like a total as*hole. An Autistic as*hole. But guess what? There are also Neurotypical as*holes. As far as we know, Osama Bin Laden was a Neurotypical, but have you seen a single post here equating all Neurotypicals to the likes of him? Allow me to answer: No, you have not and will not.


Maybe because neurotypicals don't have a standard diagnostic criteria that includes "significant impairments" interacting with others? That's why people like Osama Bin Laden get shot and not a special defense based on their standardized diagnostic impairment? Yes, I agree, not all people with Asperger's are outright menaces to society, in fact, from what I've read, they are few. However, it is a rather streamlined reported experience of neurotypicals that you guys can be quite draining, whether to the point of actual menace or not.

Quote:
We do not perpetuate negative stereotypes about you based on the actions of one individual, so why do you do this to us?


As I understand it, what you call a negative stereotype is actually a standardized diagnostic criteria, i.e. problems to the extent of "marked impairment" in relating to others which stands out in the experiences of people who deal with you guys.


RUKidding wrote:
Quote:
And, yes, she has done her work and realized what problems of her own got her to miss his problems before she married him. But, you know what? I know plenty of people with her problems that certainly didn't get into a relationship with a person on the ASD scale. So, you'll never convince me that "women with issues" tend to marry people on the ASD scale.


The woman who are members of hate groups such as FAAAS, most certainly do have issues.


Yeah, it's a serious issue to want someone who can actually reciprocate without "marked impairment" in doing so.

Quote:
Now, please go away, and stick your hateful attitude where the sun don't shine.


For what it is worth, I have a significant "relationship impairment" problem too, there mere mention of which conjures negative images and stereotypes. Outside of a clinical setting and special support groups, it's only spoken of with ridicule and people who, on the surface accept you, by and large know they'd never want a relationship with you. I know, personally, that if I did not have the problem, there is a 99.9% chance I'd never want to deal with someone who did in a "romantic" partnership. It's a problem there was nothing I could do about having, it exists through no fault of my own. You know what I don't do? I don't "expect" anybody to accomodate me over it when I know it could cause them problems. I'm up front in describing to anyone just the extent of problems they may be dealing with if they get involved with me and I am very careful to date long term before expecting them to risk a real commitment and I make it clear to them that if they need to look deep and make sure they really can handle it and that I understand if at any point they realize they can't, I hold nothing against them. I realize my options are limited and that because of that I may never get the relationship I really want. The way I see it, life sucks in one way or another for a huge population on this planet and I'm thankful for what I do have instead of what I may just have to learn to live without no matter how desperately I'd like to have it. I have a great deal of sympathy for what someone goes through who unwittingly gets involved with someone with my problems and suffers as a result.

Anyway, I hardly find my attitude "hateful". All I noted was that I didn't see one post on these boards that once acknowledged a thought for the difficulties someone dealing with your "marked impairments" might endure and just how bad it can get. I know alcoholics and schizophrenics who do and these are both problems exhibiting "marked impairments" in relationships. I wish you guys luck, I really do. Perhaps with the help of people like Ms. Marshack you can. But, quite frankly, I know of no other group of people with atypical neurology who are nearly as noisy as you guys are against neurotypicals when neurotypicals complain of the problems their atypicals engender in a relationship. You seem to work real hard to minimize their experiences and keep them from getting the mutual emotional support they need from people who understand what they are going through. That's all.


You are totally clueless as to to diagnostic criteria for ASD.

No where is this a diagnostic criteria:

Quote:
As I understand it, what you call a negative stereotype is actually a standardized diagnostic criteria, i.e. problems to the extent of "marked impairment" in relating to others which stands out in the experiences of people who deal with you guys.


Most of everything you have said is baseless, and has no merit. You are obviously a very dishonest person.