When well meaning NT people misrepresent AS people.

Post Reply New Topic

My former boyfriend, who may be on the spectrum as well, suggested to me that his granddaughter may be on the spectrum because she is manipulative. So I Googled "manipulation asperger" and found sites that caused me to write the following statement.

There is a lot of misinformation, outdated information, and downright wrong information out there about the spectrum. The more one does the actual research on the neurochemistry and neurophysiology of what is going on the more that becomes quite clear. Manipulation is not a sign of being on the spectrum.

"Don't take misbehavior personally. The high-functioning person with autism is not a manipulative, scheming person who is trying to make life difficult. Usually misbehavior is the result of efforts to survive experiences which may be confusing, disorienting, or frightening. People with autism are, by virtue of their handicap, egocentric and have extreme difficulty reading the reactions of others. They are incapable of being manipulative." (http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/Article ... h-Aut.aspx).

Also, this page (http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Asperger_K ... nipulation) has some interesting information that, admittedly, seems to contradict the above statement. Everyone manipulates. The reasons for the manipulation are what is important. When someone with AS is trying to figure out social interactions, especially without guidance, they may come across as manipulative when they are just trying to figure out how to navigate a situation that is overwhelming and confusing. There is no malicious intent.

For example, an AS adult who has had chronic problems navigating the workforce for years may give up ever having a decent paying, long term, interesting job. This can lead to fears of not being able to support oneself. This can lead to getting on disability or, if they are lucky enough to have a supportive or a least tolerant family, living with family. The classic 40 year old living in the basement of his parent's house may sometimes be attributed to AS. The person is not trying to manipulate, he is trying to survive.

I would also suggest that the "Asperger Kids and Manipulation" page referenced above is ill informed if not misleading when it suggests the child is exhibiting "confusion promotion." It states, "The child brings up topics that are related, but not really relevant." Persons on the AS spectrum often see connections between topics that most neuro-typicals do not simply because the AS brain is designed to process excessive amounts of information as apposed to blocking what the brain sees as extraneous information. Asperger Experts goes into this more. The AS person actually sees the connection. It's there. They are not intentionally trying to confuse the situation or manipulate.

I hate when people, even more when these people are also on the spectrum, like to pretend that all people with high-functioning autism are angelic beings who cannot tell lies or so much as hurt a fly. To be honest, I think the people that believe this tend to be so self-unaware and somewhat in denial. I would like to clarify that I'm 100% talking about people on the higher end of the spectrum.

I can and do manipulate; I know other on the spectrum who can and do manipulate. Everybody manipulates even if their intentions are not harmful. I manipulate to get my feelings across in a way that I'm capable of doing so and in a way that I know they will directly be addressed by the other person whom I want to acknowledge them. Actually, for me, manipulation always comes from a place where I am unable to effectively communicate but I need to get my needs met.

...

Not all manipulation is bad and I think that word has been stigmatized people will try and sugarcoat it by denying it. I agree it can be unintentional.

That article in the first link is old because I remember seeing it when I was 15 and it was printed off in 1998 for my mother when she was getting information about AS to learn more about it when I was first diagnosed.

...

I hate it when people say autistic people can't do this. Every individual on the spectrum is different. I know I have done my share of manipulation, guilt trips for one and having tantrums when I was a toddler to get my way and having crocodile tears and I was good at it. I suppose I lost this ability because I am not able to make fake tears. A small child sees their parent always comes to them when they cry so they learn if they want to their mom or dad or someone, cry so they learn to do fake crying. They may also see when they don't want something so they cry and don't get it, they learn if they don't want to leave or go to bed, cry so it won't happen. Supposedly an autistic toddle does't figure this out so they won't play their parents but I think it depends on the child with it because they're all different and we can't paint them all with the same brush saying none of them do it. Unless I was wrongly placed on the spectrum.

...

I used to often chat with someone online who had severe AS and she told me she used to fake her meltdowns when she wanted to leave a store.

I don't think AS people are such sweethearts per definition. However, it's still misguided to think that certain (un)desirable behaviours are part of the spectrum when in fact they aren't.

If you say ''my brother is such an a*hole and he happens to have AS which complicates it/has some influence'' you don't see me complaining.

If you say ''my brother's an insensitive, horrible rude a*hole because of his AS'' after which people reply with ''yeah... they have murderous instincts don't they'' and ''they're so manipulative!'' I object.

I also object when people say ''he is gifted because he has Asperger's''.

That is all completely unrelated to me thinking AS people are such innocent sweethearts; I know better than that.

...