How and Why Neurotypicals Misunderstand and Mistreat Us

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Mad in America hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. These posts are designed to serve as a public forum for a discussion—broadly speaking—of psychiatry and its treatments. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.
Heini Natri

Gee. It's almost like Autistics have been stranded on the wrong planet!

It makes it sound like different species.

I often get (subtly) rejected or excluded from my peers, and judged by strangers. It is all rather traumatizing for me, which is why I am suffering a crippling hatred of autism and an agonizing jealousy of NT people.

Actually I'll be honest, the more I try and understand my daughter, the more mysterious her mind is to me. Maybe there is something to this.

Because nearly all animals on the planet have an established hardwired inbuilt behavior or code in how they interact with others of the same species.

Two dogs will behave in a particular way around each other so they understand the others intentions

Humans are no exception and like animals it’s there to protect against danger and recognize potential friendly or sexual partners.

A woman will be alarmed if a man she doesn’t know is starring at her intensely in a bus or she’s being followed home by a man late at night for example. This is natural inbuilt fight or flight

Sometimes I can feel the disdain from the other person who smiles and makes eye contact but receives nothing back, which makes me feel guilty of creating this bad feeling in others.

Not sure what the short term answer here is. It’s certainly not education since most NT are not interested in what autistic people go through and we don’t walk around with signs on our heads

I thought I read somewhere that it's alexithymia that dictates eye gazing and behavioral stuff more than autism did?..

If so, then is there such thing as born alexithymic?..
Because alexithymia is a personality construct and sometimes a symptom.

Also it's yet to be taken account around the mechanisms of expressive dyssemia when it comes to body language...



My mom loves and accepts me.
Upon the realization that I'm not an ungrateful brat to of an NT instead of an misunderstood ND, she realized her mistake and changed.

Even after that and years of living with me, she still doesn't understand.

Despite having been surrounded by people, including potentially ND ones, she couldn't grasp what and how I perceive things, let alone my mind.

All she knows is that I don't like this, I like that... A few communicated stuff of how we want our life or two, inquire if I could do favors or so-so... Hanging out and sharing in silence. It's enough for me.

She trusts that I'm informed enough to consent what my decisions are, how I manage it and that's more than enough.
If I'm not informed enough I'd ask her and she'll give the suggestions to me, and let me judge it.
... Although she gets a bit overprotective sometimes if I'm upset about something or know I'd be upset... I can always tell to leave it alone, and usually knows I prefer her to.


While she cannot comprehend me as an autistic...
The one thing she comprehends well is my self determination. And that's because it's a very relatable thing to her



As for everyone else? Depends who they are and if they matter to me.

I came from a culture that is inclined to tolerate and accommodate different cultures anyway. I'd outgrow the "need" for double empathy if I keep up the pace because it's already there all this time.
Of course I cannot say the same for everyone.

People at large would just assume I came from elsewhere or brought up differently and having different tastes... One may judge and assume, but not outright rejection.
Probably because I do not register as creepy enough. At worst, I'm registered as confusing and hard to deal with.


If a person can't read me and I can't read them, that person won't assume because I'm autistic and therefore it's 'my autisms fault'.

No, it'll be a mutual understanding of a misunderstanding.
It'll be up to our patience to level another until it's resolved or one of us is too frustrated to continue, or if someone starts the stupid game of who wins and who loses...

And personally, I have more issues around language communication than body language.
I'd likely be noticed as someone with APD or mistaken for someone deaf, than someone lounging around out of place.

At worst, with only looking at me, someone may laugh at stimming.
But then, experience told me people are more wary and even the source of bullying was my constant sneezing.



So, solution?
I think maybe not attitudinal barriers against autism. Not really.
Not even awareness when it's not necessary, so not even education or open knowledge. It may even exacerbate with knowledge.

"Severe" ones could deal with disability attitudinal issues directly.
Be it ID or dyspraxia or sensory issues or unmanageable mental health and behavioral issues.
It's not all autism because they'd deal with it regardless whether someone coded them as autistic or not.

It goes beyond that -- it lies in social conditioning and how 'weird body language' is as a 'red flag'.
Not ableism, but somewhere definitely subtle, deeper yet also shallower at the same time... It could simply chalk down to cultural or some collective context.

It's out of advocacy and politics domain. It lies somewhere in the foundations.
How? I think some form of homogeneity. Then get rid of the homogeneous foundation and replace it with heterogeneous.

In other words, go multi cultural.

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It’s complicated since it’s like asking people to not trust their basic assumptions about body language and behavior which is sometimes correct.

So like asking the woman to ignore a man’s behavior who’s acting creepy around her and trust he won’t rape her

Trust the man who talking to a child he’s not a peadophille

Trust the teen in school who’s acting strange he’s not the next mass shooter.

The problem is autistic people have all committed these crimes so it’s a bit of a double bluff.

Just because someone is autistic and behaving differently doesn’t mean their behavior is benevolent.

You need to be completely insane and out of your mind to murder other people just because you're insecure about yourself. It's a shame those evil bastards, Jake Davison and Adam Lanza, shot themselves - because really they needed to rot in prison and be punished for the rest of their sad pathetic lives.

I've always been really angry and insecure about myself, and if you read some of my posts you'll see that I have a lot of rage and despair about how society treats autistic people and how I'm not good enough to be friends with my NT peers and how I'm the only one out of my cousins with autism and how jealous I get of NTs and so on. But despite all that, I would never, ever even dream of killing people because of how I feel. Why should an innocent person tragically lose their life because I can't handle my insecurities? If the worst does come to the worst, I'd commit suicide but not kill others first.
So I'm sorry but I don't have any sympathy for these sick, f****d up losers. I hate them. I hate all murderers and serial killers. Absolute scum of the Earth.

Also, 2 questions:

1. Why do these sickos shoot others first before shooting themselves? Why don't they just shoot themselves first and spare the lives of innocent people?

2. Why do these shooters kill their mothers first?

Sickos.