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The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Mar 2019, 7:11 am

I'm trying to figure out which (if any) of these professions are best equipped to help me with my circumstances.

I've been long-term depressed to varying degrees due to my inability to cultivate a romantic relationship, and being depressed about that isn't going to change, but if I can change the situation, it will alleviate the depression (no point debating me about this as I know it's the truth).

So primarily what I would be aiming to do is overcome the barriers that are standing in my way of getting a romantic relationship and form new habits and patterns of behaviour that would be more conducive to me potentially getting a relationship, like identifying where I could go to meet women, forming better diet and exercise habits so I lose weight and have a more desirable physique, maybe working on my social approach, that sort of thing.

Secondarily, I'd be interested in implementing patterns of behaviour that will help me fine-tune my life in such a way that I keep on top of things like keeping my space clean and organised, fine-tuning my routine so I can get more done during the day, gaining more clarity on a potential career path and the steps I'd need to take to get me there, that kind of thing.

So with all this in mind, would a psychologist, a counsellor or a life coach be the best person to turn to to help me with these things? Or none of the above?



magz
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25 Mar 2019, 7:59 am

For diet and exercising, a (non-life) coach or a sport-oriented community could help. I know a forum in Polish, I'm sure there is something similar in English.
For fine tuning your routines, no one can do it better than yourself.
For the rest, well... I don't share your beliefs so I can't really help you. Maybe someone else could.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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25 Mar 2019, 2:49 pm

A psychologist has to have a pHd.

Any old monkey can hang a shingle that says "counselor".


The psychologist costs more than counselor

You have to ask which particular psychologist, for example, doctor Jones might "help" more than doctor johnson



la_fenkis
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27 Mar 2019, 10:23 pm

Just my two (hundred) cents.

What I've gleaned from others is that there is no "place to meet women," they account for about half the human population. Just go somewhere that involves something you're interested in and comfortable with, and focus on engaging with the interest. Meeting people is about chemistry. Not in an entirely symbolic sense. Molecules fly around on their trajectories and when they run into each other they react and bond if they've both got the right properties to them to. Molecules don't go about aiming specifically for other molecules. How does a molecule even know what it's properties are, or those of a potential bond-partner? Would cause a lot of collisions, misses, and repulsions. A good bond grows of it's own accord without much overt attention. This mistake is one I've engaged in a few times.

A lot happens at the subconscious level to drive people towards or away from each other, and it's pretty varied from person to person. There are things that tend to be more and less desirable, but they're not hard and fast rules. Be natural and you'll find who fits you naturally. Be unnatural and whoever you'll find will require you to maintain that unnaturality if you want to keep them around. That would be it's own suckiness. People tend to bond over shared interests, dispositions, experiences, and most people see proficiency of some kind as desirable, thus the comment about going out to do what you're interested in doing and being good at.

As far as exercise, anything that moves you is exercise. Doesn't need to be jogging, even going for walks is exercise. A lot of people believe in certain kinds of exercise and, in my experience they can be anywhere from disinterested to threatened by your choice of how to do it. Defensive people tend to be the more threatened ones in my experience. Just move your body.

Diet is just about eating reasonably. You don't have to go low-carb or low-fat, there's no silver-bullet diet, just burn more calories than you consume and make sure you get your vitamins and minerals. Eating fruits and veg in place of a high-calorie item here and there helps a ton. Foods that are high in fiber also help you feel fuller. Small adjustments to diet can make a world of difference.

Some muscle mass also helps increase your metabolism so you'll burn more throughout the day and night.

And becoming fitter doesn't happen overnight. Do it in a way you can sustain in the long term, so find adjustments you can live with and try them out. Tweak it a bit more if you haven't seen any change in a few weeks.

As far as career. Pfft. I'm still figuring that one out.

Improve by increments as it suits you, don't make untenable leaps unless you're comfortable to. Be creative. A lot of people like creativity.