Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

13 Apr 2021, 10:51 am

How do I stop thinking like this?

If I get no replies on here or likes on twitter, I assume it's cos people dislike me.

If I get likes or replies on twitter or replies on here, I assume it's that what I said is so good that the fact I'm the one who said it is overcome by that.

How do I change that?

I have social anxiety.

I want to feel like 'maybe that particular tweet/post just didn't resonate' and 'maybe they liked that cos they like me'. Which is the opposite of the above and how I feel.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,774
Location: Poland

13 Apr 2021, 11:43 am

Some CBT self-training? While CBT definitely has its limitations, what you describe seems to be treatable with it.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 48,280
Location: Stendec

13 Apr 2021, 11:49 am

KT67 wrote:
How do I stop thinking like this?  If I get no replies on here or likes on twitter...
Do you submit posts or tweets of general interest, or of only those topics that interest you?


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Attrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

13 Apr 2021, 12:32 pm

Fnord wrote:
KT67 wrote:
How do I stop thinking like this?  If I get no replies on here or likes on twitter...
Do you submit posts or tweets of general interest, or of only those topics that interest you?


General interest to my mutuals.

The same sort of stuff I see on my TL from mutuals.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 48,280
Location: Stendec

13 Apr 2021, 12:34 pm

KT67 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
KT67 wrote:
How do I stop thinking like this?  If I get no replies on here or likes on twitter...
Do you submit posts or tweets of general interest, or of only those topics that interest you?
General interest to my mutuals.  The same sort of stuff I see on my TL from mutuals.
Are your posts/tweets original, or are they reflections of what others have already posted/tweeted?


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Attrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

14 Apr 2021, 5:12 am

So basically the opposite of the last question?

I post what I think with a mix of personal stuff like what shows I watch etc.

The issue isn't getting more likes. The issue is seeing those likes as personal to me and the absence of them as not personal.

Or just seeing the whole thing as not personal.

Essentially: not personalising it when people dislike it. Not catastrophising.

A regular non-famous person with hundreds of followers and 10-20 likes a day should not be feeling like I am feeling.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


kitesandtrainsandcats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2016
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,135
Location: Missouri

14 Apr 2021, 5:22 am

KT67 wrote:
... should not be feeling like I am feeling.


I understand how that expression is used and its meaning in that use.
In another sense the expression is illogical; the feeling you are having is a result of its causes, there is no other way for it to arise except to arise from its causes & given its causes, be they known or unknown, it indeed is the feeling which should result from those causes.

So, the adventure quest now becomes locating and identifying those causes.


_________________
"There are a thousand things that can happen when you go light a rocket engine, and only one of them is good."
Tom Mueller of SpaceX, in Air and Space, Jan. 2011


magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,774
Location: Poland

14 Apr 2021, 5:29 am

kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
KT67 wrote:
... should not be feeling like I am feeling.


I understand how that expression is used and its meaning in that use.
In another sense the expression is illogical; the feeling you are having is a result of its causes, there is no other way for it to arise except to arise from its causes & given its causes, be they known or unknown, it indeed is the feeling which should result from those causes.

So, the adventure quest now becomes locating and identifying those causes.

Yup.
It's likely the sources of the feelings are elsewhere, your social media situations only making them surface.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.


MrsPeel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Oct 2017
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,350
Location: Australia

14 Apr 2021, 5:51 am

And because on social media there's no way to tell why a person likes or not, unlike talking in person when you can see if they are enjoying the conversation.
Combine that uncertainty with a sprinkle of social anxiety and it's natural for your brain to go down the "do people not like me?" rabbit-hole.
Most likely, people who don't like your stuff are just not on the same wavelength in that moment, for whatever reason. It's usually not personal.



KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

14 Apr 2021, 6:34 am

kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
KT67 wrote:
... should not be feeling like I am feeling.


I understand how that expression is used and its meaning in that use.
In another sense the expression is illogical; the feeling you are having is a result of its causes, there is no other way for it to arise except to arise from its causes & given its causes, be they known or unknown, it indeed is the feeling which should result from those causes.

So, the adventure quest now becomes locating and identifying those causes.


Social anxiety disorder is the cause

The quest then becomes how to stop social anxiety disorder ruining everything from social media to walking down the street to irl interaction


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


MrsPeel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Oct 2017
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,350
Location: Australia

14 Apr 2021, 6:45 am

Well I guess a psychotherapist might try to find the root cause of the social anxiety.
There may have been incidents which occurred in your childhood which led to a pattern of thinking which caused it to develop.
If you can dig around in your psyche and remember the incidents which made you start thinking that way, it might be possible to reframe them with the benefit of an adult mind-set and re-program your brain a bit.
Though I know this can be difficult as with autism we don't get a whole lot of positive social experiences we can draw on to reframe our ways of thinking.
That's how it's done, though.



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,336

16 Apr 2021, 9:36 am

My liberation from mental bondage began the day I decided I didn't care if people liked me.


_________________
Doing other things.


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 48,280
Location: Stendec

16 Apr 2021, 9:42 am

BeaArthur wrote:
My liberation from mental bondage began the day I decided I didn't care if people liked me.
Same here.  Constant worry about what other people think, and whether or not they liked me held back my emotional maturity and my sense of ambition for many years.

("What if I do well on my own, only to have my friends and family hate me for being 'uppity'?", thought the former me.)

It turns out that being dissed by friends and family for even a modest level of success is somehow gratifying.


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Attrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 75,163
Location: Queens, NYC

16 Apr 2021, 10:02 am

I don't give a rat's butt if somebody who doesn't know me doesn't like me.

If they actually KNEW me, then it might be a different story.



magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,774
Location: Poland

17 Apr 2021, 3:30 am

Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
My liberation from mental bondage began the day I decided I didn't care if people liked me.
Same here.  Constant worry about what other people think, and whether or not they liked me held back my emotional maturity and my sense of ambition for many years.

("What if I do well on my own, only to have my friends and family hate me for being 'uppity'?", thought the former me.)

It turns out that being dissed by friends and family for even a modest level of success is somehow gratifying.
I needed a good therapist to get out of it but - it was worth it!


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.