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Slailie01
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20 Jan 2022, 3:03 pm

i was diagnosed with autism back in 1994, one year after my birth and given the MMR vaccine that my mom claims changed me forever. i dont know if thats allowed to be discussed here but thats what my mom said.

I dealt with the autism all my life in all aspects of the word.

Fearful of mean teachers, loud people, loud noises, ants on the slide, foods, etc.

Social skills sucked for years and i mean years!

I developed BPD somewhere between 16-24 years of age.

It was extremely bad to develop and i relapsed into a bad state of mind at 22 after being formally diagnosed with bpd. I was extremely risky and to leave it on a good note, I'm happily in therapy now and for the most part aside from my extreme sadness at times or manic times, I'm mainly in control of the illness.

What i have to say about it, it makes my impulsive behavior SOOO bad. especially with autism making me incredibly Naïve .

I spend money like a madman and especially once my disability comes every month , its like a race to see how fast i can spend my 100.00 (allowance). of the whole check.

On top of that, i shaved my head bald down to the skin recently after having grown my hair to nearly my shoulders, and im devastated i let it happen. so much lost time.

I know hair grows back , but i cried so much over it. the one impulsive behavior is a death spiral for my hair.

and its the 4th time ive shaved it since 2018. each time letting it grow out only to get impulsive one night and buzz it off.


Not only that, but due to BPD and autism , i developed BED, or Binge eating disorder. I gained 80 pounds and at 5 ft tall exactly, its morbidly obese to be 185 pounds. i should be at 110 or 120 max.

Thats the BMI.

Im beyond sad and frustrated most of the time if my routine is disturbed, like doctor appointments or dentist.

Just the other day i nearly had a meltdown over these new X-ray plastic mouth pieces they tried 20 times to shove in my mouth, leaving me painful in my tongue on the side from the scrapping of the plastic . My mouth was so small they couldn't get a clear image. and as i result, once i got home, i binged on candy, chips, and soda, and a pizza lunchable and fell asleep. i woke up at midnight, and proceeded to eat more , (mac and cheese with bacon bits). And a soda. I'm still awake and not falling asleep yet. I fear I'm in the throws of mania again, however. i can say my medicine is working somewhat when i remember to take it...

sigh.



Doberdoofus
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20 Jan 2022, 7:00 pm

I didn't know they diagnosed babies as young as 1 8O

The impulse to shave my head every time I'm overwhelmed is strong :afro:


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ThisTimelessMoment
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21 Jan 2022, 1:04 am

I find shaving my head a very re-setting event. I feel so much lighter afterwards. It depends though. I think in the past I have shaved hair as a kind of sekf-attack when I was totally overwhelmed with no idea what to do. Those occasions were less positive.


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Slailie01
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21 Jan 2022, 11:54 am

Doberdoofus wrote:
I didn't know they diagnosed babies as young as 1 8O

The impulse to shave my head every time I'm overwhelmed is strong :afro:



I am not sure if i was 1, but it was defintly before 3. my brother is older and he has Asperger's as well. I believe it is genetic, yet my parents do not carry autism themselves so i guess i could say it was a recessive gene.
if you believe in the fact its genetic. if not, mom claims i was doing all normal baby things , smiling, laughing, not crying much and then i got the MMR and within weeks i became silent or screaming at everything, irritable and just in general hard to deal with and as i got older i reclused socially, developed obsessions etc. and thats when i was told at 8 years old i had autism , (Asperger's). i didn't understand to what degree until i was older. mom introduced me to wrong planet at 15 back in 2008 and i had a account here but never talked much. now at 28 i am back and i want to learn more of my autism and bpd.



Doberdoofus
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21 Jan 2022, 3:21 pm

There is no scientific evidence that MMR vaccine causes autism so you can ignore your mum on that point.

I don't know how many people here have BPD so the information you get may be sparse but it does appear to be a great resource for autism.


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autisticelders
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23 Jan 2022, 7:27 am

you are not alone. Daughter is borderline/bipolar/has multiple other diagnoses. Every day is a struggle. She does best if she sticks to her meds ( it took years to find the right combo but she is relatively stable now). She has worked so hard with her therapists to learn new ways to 'do life" and she has gained many skills for coping, taught me a lot as we have gone through this (she agrees she is probably also autistic). Its a tough load to carry, but she is doing better over time as she learns new skills. Self care always first, don't let others push you or guilt you into doing things you know are not right for you. Sending encouragement and metaphorical hugs if you can use them. Best wishes.


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Nemesis2k7
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30 Jan 2022, 4:36 am

Slailie01 wrote:
i was diagnosed with autism back in 1994, one year after my birth and given the MMR vaccine that my mom claims changed me forever. i dont know if thats allowed to be discussed here but thats what my mom said.

I dealt with the autism all my life in all aspects of the word.

Fearful of mean teachers, loud people, loud noises, ants on the slide, foods, etc.

Social skills sucked for years and i mean years!

I developed BPD somewhere between 16-24 years of age.

It was extremely bad to develop and i relapsed into a bad state of mind at 22 after being formally diagnosed with bpd. I was extremely risky and to leave it on a good note, I'm happily in therapy now and for the most part aside from my extreme sadness at times or manic times, I'm mainly in control of the illness.

What i have to say about it, it makes my impulsive behavior SOOO bad. especially with autism making me incredibly Naïve .

I spend money like a madman and especially once my disability comes every month , its like a race to see how fast i can spend my 100.00 (allowance). of the whole check.

On top of that, i shaved my head bald down to the skin recently after having grown my hair to nearly my shoulders, and im devastated i let it happen. so much lost time.

I know hair grows back , but i cried so much over it. the one impulsive behavior is a death spiral for my hair.

and its the 4th time ive shaved it since 2018. each time letting it grow out only to get impulsive one night and buzz it off.


Not only that, but due to BPD and autism , i developed BED, or Binge eating disorder. I gained 80 pounds and at 5 ft tall exactly, its morbidly obese to be 185 pounds. i should be at 110 or 120 max.

Thats the BMI.

Im beyond sad and frustrated most of the time if my routine is disturbed, like doctor appointments or dentist.

Just the other day i nearly had a meltdown over these new X-ray plastic mouth pieces they tried 20 times to shove in my mouth, leaving me painful in my tongue on the side from the scrapping of the plastic . My mouth was so small they couldn't get a clear image. and as i result, once i got home, i binged on candy, chips, and soda, and a pizza lunchable and fell asleep. i woke up at midnight, and proceeded to eat more , (mac and cheese with bacon bits). And a soda. I'm still awake and not falling asleep yet. I fear I'm in the throws of mania again, however. i can say my medicine is working somewhat when i remember to take it...

sigh.




please dont listen to your mum about vaccines causting autism. it is ignorant. i wish the ignorance would pass on vaccines. the only way you get autism, is you are born with it. thats fact. there is no other way



Nemesis2k7
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30 Jan 2022, 4:38 am

Doberdoofus wrote:
There is no scientific evidence that MMR vaccine causes autism so you can ignore your mum on that point.

I don't know how many people here have BPD so the information you get may be sparse but it does appear to be a great resource for autism.



well said



Slailie01
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03 Feb 2022, 6:43 am

hey all, well i had a meltdown recently and cried my eyes out to my mom over someone i met online and developed a friendship with. they got yelled at by me, and i left for a few days to sort myself out. then i came back on to the video game and basically apologized to him for what i said and did in response to his behavior , basically he promised to level with me and he only did it for a hour that day and then left to raid, and instead of me accepting it and going my merry way, i got angry and felt "left out" or "abandoned" and lashed out angerily at him, however the situation has been dealt with and we are on good speaking terms and i have since dropped him as my "favorite person" of bpd. If anyone knows what a FP or Favorite person is with bpd, youd know he became my obsession and i played with him and talked to him constantly, even developed a tiny crush on him. that has since been gone since my break from game for about 4 days. I also left the guild, but rejoined yesterday. theyre a good bunch of people, they love to help level me up and give me gear and money, which i appreciate as i cant make my own yet easily. But yeah, it was a small bad situation i overreacted to, and luckily for me its better now and no bridges were burned. and if your curious of what game i play, its Everquest.



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14 Feb 2022, 11:21 pm

Slailie01 wrote:
i was diagnosed with autism back in 1994, one year after my birth and given the MMR vaccine that my mom claims changed me forever. i dont know if thats allowed to be discussed here but thats what my mom said.

I dealt with the autism all my life in all aspects of the word.

Fearful of mean teachers, loud people, loud noises, ants on the slide, foods, etc.

Social skills sucked for years and i mean years!

I developed BPD somewhere between 16-24 years of age.

It was extremely bad to develop and i relapsed into a bad state of mind at 22 after being formally diagnosed with bpd. I was extremely risky and to leave it on a good note, I'm happily in therapy now and for the most part aside from my extreme sadness at times or manic times, I'm mainly in control of the illness.

What i have to say about it, it makes my impulsive behavior SOOO bad. especially with autism making me incredibly Naïve .

I spend money like a madman and especially once my disability comes every month , its like a race to see how fast i can spend my 100.00 (allowance). of the whole check.

On top of that, i shaved my head bald down to the skin recently after having grown my hair to nearly my shoulders, and im devastated i let it happen. so much lost time.

I know hair grows back , but i cried so much over it. the one impulsive behavior is a death spiral for my hair.

and its the 4th time ive shaved it since 2018. each time letting it grow out only to get impulsive one night and buzz it off.


Not only that, but due to BPD and autism , i developed BED, or Binge eating disorder. I gained 80 pounds and at 5 ft tall exactly, its morbidly obese to be 185 pounds. i should be at 110 or 120 max.

Thats the BMI.

Im beyond sad and frustrated most of the time if my routine is disturbed, like doctor appointments or dentist.

Just the other day i nearly had a meltdown over these new X-ray plastic mouth pieces they tried 20 times to shove in my mouth, leaving me painful in my tongue on the side from the scrapping of the plastic . My mouth was so small they couldn't get a clear image. and as i result, once i got home, i binged on candy, chips, and soda, and a pizza lunchable and fell asleep. i woke up at midnight, and proceeded to eat more , (mac and cheese with bacon bits). And a soda. I'm still awake and not falling asleep yet. I fear I'm in the throws of mania again, however. i can say my medicine is working somewhat when i remember to take it...

sigh.

I developed bpd at a very early age. 10 or 11. My fiancee also has BPD. I also ahve very severe schizoaffective (Bipolar I type) so i have very severe manic episodes. but I can't relate to fearing them. I've been waiting to hae another manic episode for months now. I do exhibit some compulsive eating behavior. my fiancee has Binge eating disorder bulimia. I am pretty impulsive but I don't do anything that's too damaging to myself (for the most part)


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ISTJ-A - HSP - 21 - AQ - 43 - EQ - 13 - SQ - 69 - RAADS-R - 196 - Aspie Quiz (AS:176/NT:30)ADHD, dysgraphia, ASD Lvl 2, social phobia, Panic Disorder, PTSD, BPD, schizoaffective (BP I type) Memory Loss + cognitive impairment + varying degrees of coherency.

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14 Feb 2022, 11:25 pm

Doberdoofus wrote:
There is no scientific evidence that MMR vaccine causes autism so you can ignore your mum on that point.

I don't know how many people here have BPD so the information you get may be sparse but it does appear to be a great resource for autism.

A good potrion fo people with bpd also hvae autism like 20%. I don't know how common it is among those who have autism though. I also know from ym expeirence that alot of people consider them being diagnosed as bpd before they were diagnosed with autism that the bpd was a misdiagnosis.


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ISTJ-A - HSP - 21 - AQ - 43 - EQ - 13 - SQ - 69 - RAADS-R - 196 - Aspie Quiz (AS:176/NT:30)ADHD, dysgraphia, ASD Lvl 2, social phobia, Panic Disorder, PTSD, BPD, schizoaffective (BP I type) Memory Loss + cognitive impairment + varying degrees of coherency.

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12 Mar 2022, 5:23 pm

Slailie01 wrote:
I believe it is genetic, yet my parents do not carry autism themselves so i guess i could say it was a recessive gene.


Or more likely several. Most cases of autism appear to be due to the interaction between hundreds of genes, each of which only slightly affect your neurotype on their own.



iZ Egoni
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16 Mar 2022, 11:53 am

I was diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD between 3 and 4, so about 1996. This wasn't the best time to get DXed and a lot of it was very ableist. My first memory is of walking up to a kids' hospital, the building looming up at me, and the second is being experimented on in a white room with windows along one wall and sort of exercise equipment.
Dealing with medical professionals very much dominated much of my early life, as did being put on Ritalin which makes you a zombie and completely kills the best of what personality you do have or are evolving.

Primary years were very difficult. I was in a specialist base for quite a lot of it with gradually more mainstream integration towards the end. Most teachers have always patronised me at best and outright bullied me at worst, but the mainstream kids were exceptionally cruel in that context. I remember getting shoved up against a fence by some upperclassman when I was about 8 or 9 and when I was 10 two kids started targeting me, putting me in headlocks and getting my toxic best friend to bully me and the like, and it was only when I told my mum she got it to stop.
Home life during that time was also very challenging. Mum and dad seemed to constantly be arguing, which I would occasionally try to go and break up. Dad would either be absent for a lot of it or be there terrorising me; our best moments were away from the home at his work or out camping. Mum would be seriously overbearing then get drunk every week or so which made it seem like it was every single day. I'd have very little independence or choice in what I was doing which probably didn't help.
As an introvert the countless social appointments my mum kept become very wearing and I'd have to accompany my parents to whoever that day or night's house where I would inevitably get into a meltdown and then be blamed. Never did anyone question it might not have been a good idea to put me into those situations, or what impact it might of been having on more than just me. Bad too were the times when so-called "friends" would come to my house, invading my privacy, and touching my stuff, which I would be forced to consent to. Was me being happy all alone watching cartoons, and playing on my computer or video games really that bad? It was how the "high-functioning autistics" were allowed to live their childhoods, so why not me?
Oh and just incase y'all are wondering about physical abuse? Even though I never got spankings nonetheless getting singularly smacked on about 5 separate occasions by dad, most of them in public, had a deep impact on me. Also sometimes dad would manhandle me, and once shut me in my bedroom because I was melting down from someone winding me up. To be honest I probably hit him more than he hit me.

I consider the above to have laid the environmental factors for my British Petroleum Disaster. I do think I was probably way more likely to have developed the condition because of what genetically and neurodevelopmentally led to my AS and Co., but it was made worse by the way everything was handled.
It certainly made things very interesting when I was sent to a special boarding school for secondary years, unwise college, and fragmented employment, but that's another story which could fill up its very own book I'm sure. Maybe I'll edit this post to include it or add a new one when I have the spoons.

In August of 2020 my parents finally separated for good, and at the end of the year I had a massive breakdown with mum having to take me to A+E. The team on call that night prescribed me "emergency medication" and referred me to a contracted outpatients therapeutic clinic. They contacted me a few weeks later to arrange my appointments and despite me requesting in-person face-to-face because of my NDs, they sent me an e-Mail after that only offering by-phone or web ones. Then I heard nothing back from them, and it was only half a year later when I started trying to get counselling again that a doctor at my GP surgery told me I'd been discharged.
Roll on another half-a-year and after getting nowhere with a similar contracted clinic, I break up with my partner of 2 months and proceed to crash headfirst into the worst breakdown I've ever had which lands me in A+E. Mum had to call an ambulance which took forever. I tell them about my suicidal thoughts, like coming back from the chemist a month previously, waiting to cross the road, a van coming at me and wanting to jump out in front of it so bad. This culminated in them urgently referring me to a specialist clinic.
But I ring them up to see how my referral is going only to be told the waiting list is 3 years. That's over 1000 days in which someone could kill themselves. This sends me into another crisis and I ring my GP who then writes a letter to A+E, suggesting I'm sectioned in the nearest psych ward, so I'm back in there stuck for pretty much half a day way into the night before I'm FINALLY seen at about 2 in the morning. I try explaining to the people who see me about the severity of the situation but they don't offer me a bed or even explain to me why I can't have one. They essentially say I'll have to wait 3 years, so I lose it and smash a chair, then they call security and I'm relocated. I say I'm not going home until I get a result, so I stay there for the rest of the night. A couple of other people see me in the morning and talk things over with me, and refer me to a crisis team which I attend the next day.
Long story short I get seen by a doctor at the crisis center who tells me I have BPD, which is very similar to the CPTSD I thought I had. He tells me the waiting list for an official DX and therapy is 2 years but my GP is going to try and get that down to under 1 if possible.

PHEW!

This is very much an AMA (ask-me-anything) reply, btw



kuze
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10 Apr 2022, 6:53 am

Hi iZ Egoni

Thanks for taking the time to explain what you are going through, you are a very brave person. I have read a few books on borderline personality and most of them are terrible, vilifying the person with BPD and offering advice such as 'how to survive your borderline partner'. Recently I read a book about BPD which was actually written by someone suffering from BPD. I thought the book was amazing. It was totally realistic and compassionate and really helpful. The book is called 'Talking about BPD' by Rosie Cappuccino. Being autistic, mental health is one of my interests. I think mental health issues like PBD, autism and schizophrenia etc are so misunderstood by society so I make myself learn as much as I can about such issues.

Link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Talking-About- ... C77&sr=8-1

kuze


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Neenonee
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12 Apr 2022, 5:59 pm

Does anyone know how I can find an extremely good therapist or some kind of help for my brother who spends most of his life suicidal? He is autistic and has bpd (I am autistic too) and though he sees a psychiatrist, it's not helping. He lives in the NE United States. I will pay whatever I can afford to get him the best therapist possible in the NE. He has crappy insurance so it will have to be private pay. I would also like to get him neurologically assessed as he had a head injury as a child.



dubzero
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13 Apr 2022, 3:35 pm

What if any overlap in symptoms are there between BPD and autism? Is it possible to be misdiagnosed as having BPD when it may be autism or are the commonalities between these two disorders lies in the fact that they can be co-morbid?

I was diagnosed with BPD last year, but have felt for years that I may be on the autistic spectrum. I’m still deciding if I want to fight for a diagnosis. Not sure if my stance should be trying to replace the BPD diagnosis or as an additional disorder to treat.