Borderline Personality Disorder - nobody is talking about it

Post Reply New Topic

No no no, it doesnt work like that. When theres a 3rd party experienced dealing with the couple its very different than the partner actually trying to be a shrink. A 3rd party can help with difficult talks, meeting there to actually get progress on a debate thats too difficult otherwise. That can create safety for the PwBPD and the arguments don't get out of hand. Sure, truths are being told, but in the best way, and people will think about it.

That's because the issues are in such a way that they affect her more when you try to take control, especially if the techniques you use is making it worse, which further affects the relationship trust and hope and makes them want to run away or they cant run away and feel the need to suicide. Helping children is very different from helping people with bpd, or being a psychologist, and managing a love relationship of this dynamic is very different from helping others. You also need your own helping sessions.

DBT seems to help couples and make partners of PwBPD happy. But the main treatment is medication. You really have to help her get into routinal sessions and join her for debates that you should not have at home especially if you dont know about BPD yet, drive her to DBT and get her put on medication. Takes a lot of the weight off is what people experience when their PwBPD is in sessions.

Medicated people's partners seem to be much more happy after that.

This is my thread about BPD from my experience.
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=34&t=403957&p=8986027

Last edited by Rexi on 27 Apr 2022, 2:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

3 signs you are dating someone with borderline personality disorder, according to an expert:

1. Disagreements turn into huge fights, followed by pleas for forgiveness.

2. They love someone or hate them, but there is no in-between.

3. They are always analyzing your expressions and actions.

Read the Full Article  HERE 

"BPD is probably the most stigmatized personality disorder"

https://www.verywellmind.com/stigma-a-definition-of-stigma-425329

That's because most people quote "manipulation and lies" and maliciousness where there was never mentioned such a thing in any of its description of the diagnosis. PwBPD come from a variety of extremely traumatic households and pasts, this would not be lies. Just like Schizophrenics, PwBPD don't live within their disorder, episodes fade and they are left with the view of a world. That means they see behaviour, even if the intent behind it is warped and feelings from the past are flare up, confusing the person even more. This doesnt mean their intention towards the person is malignant or they don't love the person. It's just very difficult to deal with close relationships and extreme triggers. If people push triggers on them, not understanding why such a simple thing would be triggering to them, it's even worse.

When I was having my first relationships, I didnt know about my differences but as patterns kept happening I realized theres something that makes it really hard on my part and I started to avoid relationship at all cost. Because like I was writing in my post it comes with excess deep feelings, I was easily drawn into relationships again and again, although sometimes I have for months denied people before giving in. The conclusion I drawn was it's impossible for me, so I got into the poly scene temporarily in an attempt to fix most of my issues, which eased up some of my issues, because i did not become involved as deep, but that's only temporary. I typically explain my negatives in great detail, I didnt think it would benefit me to actually get someone to get with me not knowing the full truths about me to what? To see them leave because they cant handle it or harmed? Not working like that. Most PwBP who are aware its just very tough and they personally are much different in terms of multiple areas that most people arent willing or able to agree with, wont wanna do it. Because i have an array of failed relationships behind me, its in no interest to me to create failure. Many people who werent borderline did it to me, I really didnt like being fooled after asking specifics about them. People I date cannot keep trying to expose me to triggers I tell them are harmful to me, that cant work, makes my condition way worse, constantly eating up extreme stress and dealing with the aftermath trust issues the lack of care about me the other person is able to ignore or turn against me because it would make no sense to them and they arent willing to trust my experiences. Thats the only reason why I would ever have huge preferences for partners who are willing to work with me on safety and positivity, not against my condition.

My ASD interacts with my BPD and they become great friends plotting against me. This is where my life lack of success bring a ton of worries about my safety and my future, because I have no guarantees things will improve, so they affect a lot of decisions I need to make for my future, and I can't get over them until they are fixed, they constantly nag and nag and nag me more until i find an answer. If I have to go through social things and situations i havent been through before, it becomes crazy stressful, I literally lose my mind. There's this explosion of concerns that i dont know how i can deal with, and until i deal with each of them, I can only feel horrible. Sometimes trying to ignore or forget them works, but in such times as exposure with them and not wanting to say anything about them to others, rebring the worry on my mind, and it affects my mood in whatevers going on with others. I have learned to try to focus away on activities which are fun with a person which are my favorite things. The more positivity there is, the less there can be any messed up thoughts. Incidents can happen even as I'm having fun when a person says something and it triggers me, when i ask what was meant by it, and then i need multiple affection displays and then eventually the struggle and torture stops, and then I sometimes feel guilty like, what was i thinking, thats really not possible, thats so not what they are like. But a lot of my exes werent as kind as my fiance now, and they were extremely toxic people and those relationships are impossible for PwBPD because its so hurtful it's unimaginable and contributes to future issues.

There are big differences between people who try, and toxic people. Sometimes I actually feel normal, i never thought it would happen. To actually have peace, in general, and love, unless we argue. My past was really awful.

I think the difference between blaming it "on you" and seeing what you mightve done wrong in dealing with it, if you can accept you have 50% of blame in a relationship and be humble enough, is a difference worth mention.

Some people with BPD would rather hurt themselves than hurt others in finding ways to cope with it, and are way less reactive than the general public, regardless of what they are struggling with in comparison, and are humble enough to accept responsibility.

People who specifically mess with my triggers I consider to step on my boundaries because thats like messing with my feelings, if they know what bothers me and do it. There are tons of people who don't realize this or try to play with me in ways that are stressful to me. I try to deal with it, but I can't say I'm glad about it or that it makes my life easier, or ties easier. I prefer people to act in serious ways towards me or to talk about things such as interests, interesting things.

Some people claim PwBPD need to be treated badly because it's the way, or "the cure". That's a lot of BS. It's one thing to have boundaries, say no, another to act out on a PwBPD.

Last edited by Rexi on 27 Apr 2022, 4:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think that the EUPD could better be explained as reactive mood swings. Mood swings are part of the diagnosis of BPD.

My daughter is 6 with suspected-BPD mum. She has daily emotional dys-regulation and experiences a lot of trauma from that.

Further, seeing how mum treats her, it feels like getting a front row seat to how BPDs are made.

I feel there's a good reason children so young aren't and shouldn't be clinically diagnosed BPD, Doctor Ramani did a good job addressing this in the analogous case of NPD.

However, we MUST get better at detecting and treating traits or genetic risk factors in children.

My daughter is young enough to especially benefit from early intervention. I am prepared to seek divorce and custody about two weeks from now. My daughter has a specialist clinical psychologist to address her needs.

I find the guidance in Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent to be particularly good on this subject as well.

I'm determined to get my daughter the help she needs, and try to keep her off that path.

I didn't know jack about BPD until I noticed the match for my wife's behaviors, after 9 years married.

Now I've had a crash course.

I can't remain in the relationship and stay healthy.

My kids need at least one parent who reliably provides consistency, safety, and unconditional love, and my ability to do that inside this marriage is compromised by my wife's behaviors, beliefs and reactions.

Anyway..

One thing I note from reading a lot of community stories from family members of people with BPD, is that autistics are dramatically overrepresented in terms of getting caught in a relationship with a person who displays BPD behaviors.

This really needs closer scrutiny in future.

Can someone clarify in two words what it means
Borderline Personality Disorder,
because I've read that too and didn't understand what it is.

With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have loving and lasting relationships.

It's really hard to talk about for reasons already listed here by others.

My mother is a BPD and a narcissist. The damage that she has done to me has taken me the past 20+ years to forgive her for, I have forgiven her but I cannot be around her.

I lived in mortal fear of being diagnosed with BPD because I didn't want to be anything like my mother. And I was so relieved to know that I only had ASD.

This probably wasn't the response you were hoping for, but dear God. My mother is willing to do and say anything to completely destroy anyone who calls her on her BS. So, I just don't play anymore. She can practice on her four gray walls.

TRAUMA Drama

That's been a true concern of mine, because it gets worse when children arrive. So what I need in my life and not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents really hit hard, but due to my bpd chameleonic nature I would ruin my own life for love. Some people don't want to understand. And if i cant have my disease under control, it really worries me, because I dont have to think about myself but the person who will be likely ready to leave my side.

I need that focus to be on me, especially from myself, I don't want to be held down even more, or else I feel like it will be hell for everyone and that's not a way to live. I want to do good and set myself for success the best I can.

I'm not particularly successful, paying child support after a divorce would be even more debilitating for me in life. While others have families with money to back them up and jobs and good schools.

The downsides with emotional dimensions of life in general are neverending. My life was not good enough to prepare me for itself. I am however, internally, the opposite of narcs. No extremes are better, but some say narcs have an easier life because of shallower emotions. But even if they enjoy it, it's not particularly beneficial sometimes.

From an external point of view, I'm treated like I'm evil, so, does it really matter if I feel so much and deeply. If I'm insane, then it doesn't matter what I feel.