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Sometimes, I don't get why some people think executive dysfunction = automatically ADHD.

All those with ADHD have executive dysfunction.
But not all executive dysfunction is ADHD.


I can't relate to autistics with ADHD.
My mind isn't even that loud nor has too many stuff and has too many intrusive thoughts; heck, the reason for it was either prioritizing things wrongly (which can also look like anxiety), or a form of dissociation from whatever internal f-- up my brain was avoiding by being loud including maladaptive daydreaming.

In which both are solvable to me.
Really, I don't even need medication or even strategies (anymore) to quieten my mind. Sometimes I want or need the opposite.


I can't relate with allistic ADHD even more.
Their "emotionality", maybe and their feelings at certain stuff like the consequences of mismatch intent; which is big to me.
But the day to day things, observed by either on lookers, the way they think of certain things, and stuff from within?

No, I don't struggle to keep where my keys are.
No, I don't focus on a basis that it's fun or that I like it.

No, my own brand of hyperactivity and novelty seeking is more like a positive expression, an indication that my mind is no longer preoccupied with dealing with crap or a state of less internal burden, or a (foolish subconsicous) compensatory attempt against slugishness than itself a primary executive dysfunction symptom related to impulsivity and having no filters, nor from a form of dopaminergic deficiency.

I am not an allistic with crappy executive function.
And most of my executive dysfunction is either because of missing out over lessons all because of stupid human brain and human mind's attempts on "protecting itself".

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Ugh. Part of me is resisting medication again. I might have to go on an injection for abilify. It helps. However I think it makes me think I'm fine. I told my DR no cause I didn't want a needle. My mind seems to be 2 parts. Both parts are concerned but in different ways. The one thinks I don't need medication, or anything. The other knows I need it. They coexist. It's confusing. Sometimes I just want to tell someone I'm just very confused. I am. I get the opposite of Deja Vu, and I always feel more scared than everybody else even in familiar environments. The part that doesn't want me to be on meds wants me to think I'm a prophet. The other part wants me to be like that but mellowed down in a more realistic way. I sometimes wonder how this conversation would go with my DR. I don't think they'd believe me. Also I've tried before. That's how I got diagnosed as I tried to create my own religion. I started writing "prophecies". Anyways I can't do the tug of war. I don't know how to make up my mind. It's almost out of my control.

Subtle sensations seeing; emotions and internal unprocesses I got no names for...

.. Nor does the emotion wheel; nor the combinations of anything from the emotion wheel.

Time Pressure, Interruption Frustration, Detracted Effort, Overdagging Transitioning, Alarm Statements, Contrasting Contrasts, Gaps Blocking, Internal Pushout, Quantity Overload, Unreliability Uncertainty, Faithless Naivety, Overcompensating Overclocking, Active Defensiveness, Tunneling Weakening, Gutly Guiltlike, Gory Injustice, Oily Struggle...

Maybe there will be more.

.. To try "seeing" 'em as it happens as soon as it came...

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Don't Worry yourself a Coffee,and a cookie( biscuit) and as soon as you go out that door, You'll be feeling
As Right as Rain .
All this makes me wonder ..? .....Was Alice from Alice in Wonderland, an Autistic individual ...?...

Still feeling good. Had some anxiety but other than that ok. Feel less insecure than I used to. I think it's the medication. I have to remember it's the medication that makes me feel better. I can't quit because I think I'm fine. Every time I do, disaster strikes. I have way more meltdowns, get angry, lose sleep, find every number meaningful and start scaring people with what I talk about. Honestly l think it's strange I didn't want them.

An average person's social battery has real numbers that indicates a pattern if interactions drains them or energizes them.


... Mine has imaginary numbers instead.
It has it's own patterns, but nothing like how most people would relate to the concept.


And yes, it IS frickin confusing.
There are no guides to live this way and I'm looking for references.

But what does it mean when there are no external references and have to make up your own while contending with common assumptions of how most people work, with labels and concepts that just won't work nor fit?



An average person would feel like a freak or something. It's even common amongst neurodivergent.

Not me though. I don't actually understand what that even feels like...


What else do I try to relate, with feedbacks suggesting that I do get it, yet that only turns out that I never relate to begin with?

Normally, people would feel like a fraud.
Me? I'll take it as a sign of better social imagination.

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I've been noticing my chlostrophobia a lot more just lately

I suppose it's a good thing really because it gives me something to work on

But I'm thinking that's why I'm getting impatient when I'm on buses and in shops or when I'm doing almost anything to be fair

On dividing being neurodivergent from mental illness;

The common argument is mostly all about what's detrimental and what's not. I'd say that's a really weak argument because some neurodivergence can be detrimental.

Then another argument is that, if mental illness is to be divided, it's mostly because NTs can have it too and are potentially reversible.
That is true. However the counter is that there are numerous studies of how so many of neuroanatomical changes are done because of said mental illness and how it is 'more common than not' therefore are neurodivergent.
Quite close, but that's not what I'm after if I were to attempt to divide what being neurodivergent is.


If I were to divide having mental illness from being neurodivergent, it's all about the human reaction.
I'd say, even dare say, mental illness is normal. Especially as a human reaction over adverse circumstances.

That the current environments at the moment, is so selective towards persons with greater than average resilience that itself a standard set by whatever holds power over majority, in which perpetuated by majority.
In which anxiety and depression is so, so common, even in majority. Just not as open.
In which a lot of onset issues happens or/and not prevented. So does this mean that anyone, even if they're very much neurotypical, that are "weak enough" are neurodivergents?



I think that's the argument I'm gonna pick if I were the one who tries to divide having mental illness from being neurodivergent; the core reaction as a human, separated from neurodivergence -- or what is implied to be a neurotypical ideal.

Neurodivergence is not only about neuroanatomy (of both NTs and NDs) but also emphasizes what one does and doesn't, can and cannot.
What makes someone a human or being a human isn't defined that way the same vein as their sexual or/and romantic orientations, their morality, their sentiments or even expressions of anything.

If being a human is defined by what one can and cannot do, then the definition of neurodivergence's emphasis over ability and disability can be so easily be twisted...
Along with what's normal for them vs what's normal for us...


Thus I say; it's normal for a human to react full of anxiety as an autistic person in a world where it's not built for us.

It's normal for a human to have their human needs and expectations fulfilled as a neurotypical.

It's normal for a human to ended up having personality disorders after all the crap that has happened to them.

It's normal for a human to have depression, regardless whether they're NT or ND, as a response to getting bullied and beaten down and being chronically lonely.



I just thought that these ideas are interesting.
I don't subscribe to any gatekeeping nor are up and about being inclusive.

If anything, I just don't categorize people whether they're NT or ND anymore.
I've outgrown all of that since I was 20.

It's just that...

It's normal for a human to 'get it' if they're ND or actually do not identity themselves as 'normal'.
It's also normal for a human to not 'get it' if they're NT or very much allistic.

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saw this quote in the above post:
On dividing being neurodivergent from mental illness;

"The common argument is mostly all about what's detrimental and what's not. I'd say that's a really weak argument because some neurodivergence can be detrimental."

So with all these discussions on Genocide , and fates of Palestinian and Israeli peoples , and attaching similiar values to those involved in WW2 Germany .
The Germans of WW2 were not just about people of the Judaic faith , but mentally different people and disabled ..And we now have the Head Ohliarch taking over the office of the President .And he will be supporting that countries genocide ( i feel)
So will the USA start some of the same behaviour as Israel,as WW2 Germany . Republicans making reference to as "Useless Eaters" about Those on the disabled roles ? . It would be easy for the USA to develop there own re education camps . Neuro Divergent ..Mental Health cases ..???. A future I pray that will NOT manifest itself .

So if somebody comes along and offers you a trip to club Fed and you are described a ND ? or some such, am hoping you might have enough presence of mind to note what happened the last time in WW2 Germany,when they decided that the useless eaters.
had to go .....It will certainly go under another name . And you can bet,there will be censorship of these types of warnings ..As a Just in case thing. ( Just a thought with the incoming administration )
just think with RF Kennedy in charge of health care ( and he is already antiabortion) . It might be a rough ride for those requiring healthcare For RFK jr. will report directly to Trump the Ogliarch.

It's mad when you've been in a kind of prison all your life and then you suddenly see the door