Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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Im glad there's a time limit on getting over things

I didn't know this until yesterday and I wish I'd have known sooner in my life because then I wouldn't have got myself into such a tiz about everything that's happened

Apparently it's 6 to 8 weeks and if symptoms still persist then you obviously have got some work to do on yourself

First had heard of that ^^^^

I experienced transference last night I think

Talking to a particular person and I'm thinking "everything you're saying to me really needs to be said to the person that needs to hear it because you're completely misdirecting this"

Trouble is they don't know they're doing it and I'm not qualified to help

And to be quite frank I don't wanna help because they were beyond rude and I deserve better

I know yeah
I'm thinking that maybe I was gaslighted a wee bit mate

I wish there was more awareness of dissociative disorder

I'm thinking it's a most misunderstood condition

I wish people understood how any stress can make a person with this condition go into absolute survival mode and I wish people knew how long it can take to get yourself back together

I wish people knew this I do

I'm just a little bit disappointed right now

Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right

I like how I can be the same person more these days

It just feels more real and it makes me feel more confident as well

It's nice when the personality integrates like that.

Yeah I like it
It makes me feel more solid in a way
I'm a work in progress mate

That post actually means a lot to me mate

Thank you so much

It was a pleasure

Family doesn't understand that paranoia isn't me looking for things to be afraid of. Ive been pretty paranoid recently. Some people think it's me wanting to be afraid or they just get mad. I start thinking I'm being tracked, even gang stalked etc. People think I'm being "weird". I'll go through random trash, think I see writing on the window, feel like I'm being watched, or that I'm in danger. I thought I took a photo of aliens once and sent it to a relative at 3 am. They started getting really concerned. Lately though I've been obsessive about feeling watched. I keep getting in arguments about it. I had some scary tactile hallucinations last night and I have no memory except that I felt like I was doing things I wasn't and it was really confusing. Im supposed to tell people but I struggle to talk about it. My family thinks I don't take my mental health seriously though. They don't understand how hard it is to put that stuff into words. I barely understand it myself. I've been feeling very disconnected lately however I'm functioning for some reason. Im struggling to comprehend what is actually going on and what I have to do. my anxiety has been quite bad yet I'm pushing through. I have found that instrumental music is helping me a lot.

Sorry for the essay. This is a vent. Honestly though I have been journaling too. Im in a writers block when it comes to poetry though. Yet I'm hopeful. I keep having the even numbers thing where it feels like my fate depends on if I have even numbers in things. I was obsessed with tarot recently however I can't do that as it makes me scared when they start telling me I'm in danger on certain dates. I've been having mood swings again where I feel every emotion every day for a while. Sometimes I am very angry and then very very sad to the point I can't feel things and am detached. It's not good because I've started believing it is a man who is in me and he apologizes through my voice. Im doing pretty well though. Ive been managing through taking medication consistently, realizing I can feel better, and just trying to sit with my feelings. I can't stop feeling like I need to just stay quiet about it though so I bottled it up but that didn't work.

You must be exhausted Crystal

Yea. Plus my sister has a not very nice way of doing what she calls a reality check. She told me I'm being childish. She just gets so angry. I don't understand. We get along so well sometimes and then she gets angry about it. It makes me feel sad. Also she wants me to try to find another living situation because it's too much for her. When we are alone together she just ignores me. She acts like she's my parent and will tell me what to do. It makes me feel weird because I'm older.

My sister's understanding of my mental health is very very irritating. I have mood swings and she thinks I can just change the way I feel. I get paranoid and she tells me I'm not that special, that I'm childish, even using words like "deranged" and "Crazy". Ive had other delusions around her and she'll react with anger. She will even mess with me. She uses words like "creepy" too. She's even accused me of being on drugs. Now she says I'm too much for her. Im really struggling because sometimes I'm just alone with her and I'll be having a rough time. She tells me I can just change. I can do breathing exercises. Then she gets frustrated with me if I start to do things to feel better. She never understands that I get very easily overwhelmed. She says I can just choose to not be.

She will invite friends and I'm just not allowed to be near them. It's frustrating. She will ignore me sometimes.

My sister, when I told her I'd been diagnosed with ASD, said "well we're all a bit mad really aren't we?" Offensive (but not intentionally so), considering ASD absolutely isn't a madness. But mild compared to what your sister is throwing at you.