Mother with Narcissistic Personality

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(be warned I am not very talkative except in those bursts I just mentioned)

Awwww. WEll, at least yo ucan breathe -now- right, and didn't lose yourself! Although, soemtimes we have to lose ourself to find ourself! like that gnostic gospel guy sylvanus said (and I just found this today):
knock on yourself like a door and you won't get lost? or soemthing like that.

My mother, I don't know if it has anything to do with her being bipolar, has a narcissistic personality, that whenever she says or does something stupid, she blames her mistake on me and/or my sister. She also complains about things my sister and I do & say, even if it is "the right thing" to do or say, along with stereotyping random people and backstabbing people she works with.

same problem with my mother
but she was badly abused and went through lot of trauma
its hard to understand her mental makeup

This is my mother you are talking about... however on top of being narcisist she was delusional too.... no visual or audio delusions but always smells something because of me...

I was her scapegoat... and she got sadistic satisfaction from punishing me for thing the bullies did on me at school.... so much for support.

I thought I was an aspie.... thats why I came here in the first place... however it ended up that I am a scizoid... there are many similarities between scizoids and aspies... scizoids have autistic thinking.. however they lack the talents that most aspies have....

I strongly suggest people who had that kind of parents and think they are aspies.. to check about scizoid personality disorder in wikipedia and this forum as well there was an essay posted here in pdf abouts scizoid aspects by a psycologist named mcwilliams... try google you will find it...

I am actually wondering about that for myself... I wonder how you would be able to tell if the aspie traits were caused by genetics or an abused childhood

I've recently figured out that I'm the scapegoat, my sister's the golden child and my mom is narcissistic (though you always know that something is wrong, people look down on you for disliking your mother and I ended up feeling guilty instead of thinking that I was onto something). I also noticed that my older sister is narcissistic as well, probably because of being the golden child. It feels good to not be alone in having AS and a narcissistic mother.

I met a person with NPD in the hospital once. I had a deck of tarot cards and was happy to give her a reading. When I was done, she pointed out the ways it was wrong and gave her own interpretation which was far more accurate [when I looked at the information later, in private, from my reading sources] Apparently she already knew much more about Tarot than I did and let me make a fool of myself so she could show me up and build herself up.

Then in a discussion in the hallway later she was pointing out how creamy and young her skin is. I have no idea how that part of the discussion came up. She was very intelligent, articulate and could exhibit really good manners when it served to make her look good. I pegged her for a Narcissist right away and avoided her. When she was discharged, I was relieved. Good riddance! Of course most of the patients there saw through it too and everyone pretty much just humored her and let her think she was great. People like that are very skilled at manipulating confrontations and seeming to come out the 'winner' with everyone elses' head spinning in circles, wondering what the hell just happened.

Sounds a lot like my mother. The first time that I brought my boyfriend to dinner with my mom, she began to argue her position a subject which I have argued with her about for some time. I didn't bring it up but she knew it would upset me and for some strange reason she felt like competing with me for my new boyfriend's attention. Afterward, she thought it would be a good idea to lecture my boyfriend on contemporary art, a subject which he has no interest or background in. She clearly judged him for his lack of background in her academic field and didn't even ask about his own area of expertise. He finally cut himself on the table "accidentally" just to have an excuse to end the conversation.

Sadly, I wasn't surprised. She can't be proven wrong and has gone to great lengths in the past to bring up ridiculous information just so she can win a battle. You're right that most people can see past it - my boyfriend says so as well. It's probably best to humour her. She won't change. I tried to change her opinions and all I got was narcissistic rage - her being upset at me and refusing to talk to me because of excuses like I am in a bad mood and my opinions will change when I get out of this mood. I think that this has scarred me because I couldn't see why my mother would invalidate my opinions.

My grandma has OCD/OPD, my mom has ADHD and I have HFA.
It didn't work out between my grandma and my mom or between my mom and me, because we all were too different for each other.

I guess the problem is not even the "narcissm", but the "missunderstanding" for each other, at least that's what's the problem in my family...!

Last edited by Raziel on 02 Jan 2013, 7:30 am, edited 2 times in total.

My mom doesnt have friends and her friendships dont last long
even though she tries to help people out by coaxing her choices and opinions on them
ultimately they leave her after a while no wonder

I know where you're coming from there, namaste. My brother and I are in the exact same roles and it has come between us. I find this crushing because when my mum decided that we were in the way of her lifestyle and dumped us, as babies, on an elderly relative to bring up, we only really had each other - I was a protective older sibling and we were very close. When I was about 12 she decided it suited her to play happy families and brought us to live with her (and we all have to think about it in the exact same way that she does, or we're liars or remembering wrong) it feels like she's done all she can to come between us. I am constantly berated for my laziness, even though I've had a full time job and studied every night for 3 years. My brother who does nothing cannot put a foot wrong. I think he is equally unhappy with his situation, though, but unfortunately we can't talk about it. Sigh.

Perhaps girls are more liable to be scapegoats in so much as they may be more likely to question their situation?

Its really inhuman to dump a kid after giving birth to it....i mean if they wanted to enjoy when then bring a kid into this world
and after bringing they should take full responsibility
You should have never gone back to her when she came to take you back so late
Such parents dont deserve to have children

Thank you for posting this, Namaste - I know at least one or two people who fit this criteria in some way, shape or form or another.

I feel very bad for childrens of parents who have NPD or Borderline Personality Disorder, as i know it is a very very rought time for them.
The unpredictability of the parent is bad enough...
For BPD, they always say they see things either "all good" or "all bad"
I could never figure out what that meant "all good or all bad"
Then they'd switch/flip and see the same person/thing as the opposite (good as opposed to bad)

This list is point for point how my grandmother treated my mother. She also picked "golden child" and "scapegoat" grandchildren - I know this because I was the "golden child" and my sister was the "scapegoat." This created a lot of tension as my psychopathic father did the same thing, only my sister was the golden child and I was the scapegoat.

Anyway, thank you for posting this.

There was a psychologist, a man on the web who had a whole blog about his own mother and BPD and NPD and had different stories of individuals who have suffered as children of those with BPD or NPD.
I can't remember the site, if i find it i will post the link, i keep looking.. yet i know he is based in the East Coast area (i think NC)

This description is my mother.

It is very difficult to prove this sort of behaviour. Strangely I ended up living with a roommate who's mother is like this too. The first day she moved in, her mother helped and that afternoon she immediately started displaying narcissistic behaviours. A slow dread spread over me because I recognised the warning signs and I felt trapped. I had signed a 6 month lease and couldn't get out of it and knew I had made a terrible mistake. I couldn't believe I had voluntarily let someone like that into my life again.

I actually felt angry with myself and very stupid for allowing myself to get caught up in someone else's web again.



I feel like the roommate's Mom did this to me because her only child was now living with me and she didn't want her to be happier living with me than she was at home. She made it clear that nothing I had was good enough for her daughter.



The only apology I got from my roommates mother was a put down. It was like, I'm sorry I said such and such, but if what you had to offer was better I would never have felt the need to say it.



My mother does this. If I ever try to talk to her about how something she has done makes me feel she denies it or twists it so that she remembers it differently to how it actually happened. I'm never sure if she knows that she is lying or if she is just crazy and actually believes it.