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MillieRose
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11 Nov 2012, 2:51 pm

Hi, I've been having problems since I was 14/15 and finally got diagnosed with a mild autistic spectrum disorder about a year ago (I'm now 18 ) in the last year though I feel my symptoms are becoming worse and much harder to deal with and I'm starting to think it might be something else or autism and something else ...
I've been feeling very cut off from the world, from reality, when I look around me everything just looks like a dream, it doesn't look real, I don't feel real, its sort of like being in a movie, the world looks like a surrealism painting or something its like looking at the world from a distance, I don't feel part of it anymore, I've been cut off from reality, nothing is real, I almost feel dead, I mean I don't even know how you'd tell whether your dead or alive or not... I've been told this is called de realisation and de personalisation but its scary, I feel very reckless at times, I could do anything impulsively and it wouldn't matter cause its not real anyway...
I have a sleeping disorder, I find it very hard to shut my mind off and fall asleep and when I do manage to sleep I just dream, constantly, but very mixed up, scary, surrealistic things, I've been told I don't have REM sleep...
In the last month I've began to hallucinate, its either strange shapes or objects or living things flying around the ceiling, sometimes writing on the wall, sometimes objects in the room start to float or shift backwards and forwards, the walls or shadows start to move closer towards me, closing me in, I always get very scared when this happens, very panicky

I get very paranoid, I start to believe people do or say things with an alternative motive, there being too faced or everyones out to get me, everyone hates me and I'm on my own, sometimes I believe their not even real anyway... The other day I was with my mum, we've always been really close but this time, when she was speaking to me it was almost as if she was a stranger.

I have delusional beliefs, I sometimes believe I'm more special or a higher authority than anybody else, I believe I'm put here for a reason, I feel like somebody else sometimes, as if I'm famous or something, I also have this belief that somebody's sort of looking down on me, keeping me safe, my life's planned out for me, I'm destined for greater things...

I also have this feeling that rises through me, like a black cloud, it could come at any time, I could be really happy with mates or whoever and then it comes, I go into a daze, I can't speak, I just shut down, all I can think about is how bad everything is (when it's really not) and how i want to kill myself, this feelings unbearable, all I can think is different ways of how to end my life, I always try to fight it off, just ignore it, hope it goes away, but its been happening a lot recently and I don't know why, I have acted on it about a month ago, I took an overdose, its as if some completely separate source just enters my body and takes over my thoughts...

I've also become more reclusive within myself, I'm finding communication more and more hard to deal with, I'm starting to get my mind so tangled up that my words get jumbled up in public and I end up making no sense, people just look at me like I'm strange, my memories going, I can't think clearly anymore, my face has lost its expression, I never really smile anymore, I'm just blank, numb, I don't really feel anything anymore, not clear feelings anyway... I feel like I've lost myself, before I would always plan what I was going to wear the day before, I'd always dress up and put loads of makeup on, do my hair up posh even if I was just staying in, not anymore though, its like I don't care about my appearance, I'll just sit around the house with no makeup and baggy clothes, my hair a mess, and I don't understand why, I want to care, but I don't see the point anymore, I don't see the point in anything, I guess cause nothing feels real...
All I do is walk around in confusion, I daydream a lot, and when I stop day dreaming the world around me looks like a dream and then I sleep and I dream. I feel reality and imagination is becoming combined, like I'm slowly losing the ability to tell them apart...
And well, I really feel like I need help, if anybody has any advise or had similar experience I'd be really grateful for your opinions...



SilkySifaka
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11 Nov 2012, 5:56 pm

I don't know what is wrong with you, but it does sound as if you are quite unwell. Are you in the UK? If so, I think the best place to go is to your GP. Early intervention for psychosis is effective (especially in young people) and so it is worth dealing with the problem now rather than waiting until you are in a crisis situation.



Sarah81
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12 Nov 2012, 12:40 am

SilkySifaka wrote:
I don't know what is wrong with you, but it does sound as if you are quite unwell. Are you in the UK? If so, I think the best place to go is to your GP. Early intervention for psychosis is effective (especially in young people) and so it is worth dealing with the problem now rather than waiting until you are in a crisis situation.


This.



bizboy1
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12 Nov 2012, 12:55 am

Sounds like autism and derealization. You seem to have symptoms of schizophrenia. Talk to a doctor. I am taking abilify 20mg and its helping with the delusions and derealization. I never had those types of hallucinations though I fear it will come.


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MillieRose
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12 Nov 2012, 9:03 am

Yes I am in the UK and I've booked a doctors appointment for a couple of weeks time to talk about it, the only thing is my doctors never seem to give me a straight answer, I get the impression their as confused as me about my symptoms, all their offering is CBT which I've got tomorrow... I'm going to work hard at it and hope It changes things but I'm just worried its developing into something worse :/



SilkySifaka
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12 Nov 2012, 3:10 pm

MillieRose wrote:
Yes I am in the UK and I've booked a doctors appointment for a couple of weeks time to talk about it, the only thing is my doctors never seem to give me a straight answer, I get the impression their as confused as me about my symptoms, all their offering is CBT which I've got tomorrow... I'm going to work hard at it and hope It changes things but I'm just worried its developing into something worse :/


CBT can be helpful for delusions and has helped many people who do have schizophrenia, unfortunately it is not offered to those patients as much as it should be. CBT will only help if you are open about your thoughts and feelings. While I know it is frustrating that they do not know what is happening, it is more important that they are thorough so you are given the correct diagnosis. A diagnosis of schizophrenia can take six months, so this will be a long process.

Good luck at the doctors, please keep us updated.



Sarah81
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13 Nov 2012, 9:17 am

SilkySifaka wrote:
MillieRose wrote:
Yes I am in the UK and I've booked a doctors appointment for a couple of weeks time to talk about it, the only thing is my doctors never seem to give me a straight answer, I get the impression their as confused as me about my symptoms, all their offering is CBT which I've got tomorrow... I'm going to work hard at it and hope It changes things but I'm just worried its developing into something worse :/


CBT can be helpful for delusions and has helped many people who do have schizophrenia, unfortunately it is not offered to those patients as much as it should be. CBT will only help if you are open about your thoughts and feelings. While I know it is frustrating that they do not know what is happening, it is more important that they are thorough so you are given the correct diagnosis. A diagnosis of schizophrenia can take six months, so this will be a long process.

Good luck at the doctors, please keep us updated.


CBT is not something that works on you - it is a tool you can use to work on your illness yourself. My understanding is that patients are not offered this if they are not well enough to use it. My personal experience was that I tried CBT first before medication and it did not work at that time, but when meds lifted me out of the bad place I was able to revisit the CBT and it has been very handy in heading off downward and upward spirals of mood.

Sounds like you have the right attitude if you are ready to work hard for it. Remember it takes practice - get them to write everything down for you so you can read and reread the information on how to do it. Be patient with yourself and best of luck.



MillieRose
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13 Nov 2012, 1:05 pm

SilkySifaka wrote:
MillieRose wrote:
Yes I am in the UK and I've booked a doctors appointment for a couple of weeks time to talk about it, the only thing is my doctors never seem to give me a straight answer, I get the impression their as confused as me about my symptoms, all their offering is CBT which I've got tomorrow... I'm going to work hard at it and hope It changes things but I'm just worried its developing into something worse :/


CBT can be helpful for delusions and has helped many people who do have schizophrenia, unfortunately it is not offered to those patients as much as it should be. CBT will only help if you are open about your thoughts and feelings. While I know it is frustrating that they do not know what is happening, it is more important that they are thorough so you are given the correct diagnosis. A diagnosis of schizophrenia can take six months, so this will be a long process.

Good luck at the doctors, please keep us updated.



I met with the nurse at college today to talk about starting my CBT and they explained they don't believe CBT is the right treatment for me at the moment, she seemed to think it could be early signs of psychosis, so they have referred me to the early signs of psychosis team to do an evaluation on me... Thanks for all your advise, I will keep you posted :)