Anyone with 'just right' OCD?

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I was recently diagnosed but I'm not yet convinced I have it. Would greatly appreciate some explanations and examples of what it's like to have 'just right' OCD (which is the type of OCD I reckon I have if the diagnosis is correct) from people who actually have OCD. Could it be that my OCD is a coping mechanism for the other anxiety disorders I have?

Also, is it the 'just right' OCD that quite frequently makes me feel a weird feeling (a feeling I can't explain) in my hands/fingers which I have to get rid of by touching things (for example pressing my fingers against my desk)?

Thank you,

rebbieh

I have had two episodes of this. In a way it's there all the time, but there have been only two periods in my life where it's been bad enough that I have to give into it a lot and it takes up my time. The first time, the only thing that got diagnosed was panic attacks as I didn't tell anyone about what I was doing. I was quite deliberately using it as a way to cope with the panic attacks. The second time it got diagnosed by my CBT therapist who was supposed to be helping me with social anxiety and depression. I wasn't so consciously using the OCD to cope with this, but I do know I was having a lot of distressing flashbacks and so it's possible I was using it to cope with this unconsciously. So yes, it is possible that you are using it to cope with your other anxiety disorders. Do you feel like you are?

The feeling you get in your fingers could be related. I used to get feeling of there being shapes in the air around my body and that I could manipulate the shapes by what I did. I spent a lot of time trying to make the shapes more even or trying to get rid of other feelings of imbalance in my body. (I have heard that this kind of thing is related to 'sensory phenomena' in Tourette's. ) This involved various tapping/touching behaviours and having to continue certain activities until I felt like I had finished. I used to get stuck in 'loops' of doing one thing over and over. In my previous episode, I also had a lot of rituals involving counting and arranging objects. My social life suffered as I would count the letter distribution in the words people said instead of listening to them and I would count my footsteps as I walked.

I have had most of these behaviours as long as I can remember. However, I would only consider them OCD when they start to take up large amounts of time in my life and if I have to do them or I feel very distressed. At a low level, they become more like stims and repetitive behaviours or routines which are part of AS.

Perhaps. I don't know. It's just that I can't explain why I do certain things (compulsions). I mean, there's no "classic" OCD intrusive thought that I have which explains the compulsions. I just know that I'm anxious pretty much all the time and I have certain compulsions so perhaps I'm doing the compulsions to deal with my other anxiety disorders (GAD and Social Anxiety Disorder). Do you know what I mean?



I do some of those things as well. I for example count footsteps. Especially when walking up and down stairs. Sometimes when just walking outside as well (though not as often). I have no idea why I do it. I just do. I often have to "go back" and make things even. So if I for example turn off the lights with my right hand it might feel uneven and then I have to go back and turn it off with my left hand as well. I do quite a lot of things throughout the day. Things like touching things with both hands, try to get rid of the weird feeling in my fingers/hands, read and re-read things, think the same thoughts over and over etc. I also, for some reason, feel the need to check certain things. My wallet for example. I open it, check that my cards are in there and put it in my bag but then I immediately have to check it again because maybe the cards aren't there anymore. Silly and annoying but I have to do it. So my compulsions probably take up quite some time in total. The thing is I don't dislike all of my compulsions. I have a tendency to arrange and sort things for example. I like that.

The psychiatrist who diagnosed me said the compulsions might be caused my AS so if I get diagnosed with it they might change the diagnosis. He said he wasn't sure about that though.

Generally speaking, the need to do a compulsion without an associated intrusive thought or anxiety is called "Tourettic OCD." It's usually only seen in people with Tourette's Syndrome like myself. (As opposed to Purely-Obsessive OCD, which is only intrusive thoughts without physical compulsions.)

For me, I sometimes have to close doors multiple times until it just "feels right", I'll type something, delete it, and retype it until it "feels right" and sometimes I'll even repeat myself until it "feels right". Just as a few examples of TOCD compulsions I've had before.

The genetics for Tourette's actually are more likely to manifest as OCD in women interestingly enough.

The 'obsession' component in 'just right' OCD can be quite abstract. It can just be a feeling that something is out of balance or that things are not right with the world if you don't follow through on the compulsion. I guess it could be possible that the other anxiety disorders are fulfilling the role of the intrusive anxiety-provoking thoughts. I know that in my case that when the panic attacks and the depression were treated, the OCD subsided to a very low level.

What idratherbeatree said about Tourettic OCD is interesting. Do you have any tics? I have some things that look like tics which I had labelled OCD. Confused now. This seems like a really grey area.

I guess whether you want to keep the OCD diagnosis depends on whether you want any of these things to go away, i.e. whether you want treatment. Do you like all the compulsions?

No, I don't think I have any tics. I can't say I'm 100 % sure though. I think the closest thing I have to a tic is pressing my nose against my upper lip. The only reason I do that though is because I get that weird feeling (the same I get in my fingers/hands) in/on my nose/lip and it won't go away unless I press my nose against my lip (often repeatedly). I did it a lot a few years ago. I remember it really annoyed my dad because as I pressed down my nose I inhaled (through the nose) so it always made a small noise when I let go. I feel a bit weird for doing that and now, because I wrote about it, I had to do it again.

And no, I don't like all the compulsions. I get really annoyed with myself sometimes for having to re-check things for example.

My grandmother had a lot of the symptoms of TOCD without ever having Tics.

I have some "just right" features in my OCD. I have the need for symmetry. When I was working at a grocery store I always had to arrange groups of items in patterns and shapes or symmetrical forms. That kind of got in the way of things. It looked nicer to me though.

When eating out of a square grid of chocolates I have to make sure the remaining chocolates stay as even as possible every time I take one out. It's always impossible to maintain 100% symmetry as I take chocolates out to eat them. I have to eat them in a certain order to maximize symmetry.

When I'm eating coloured candies of any kind I feel compelled to make sure there are an equal number of candies of each colour. If there are 4 blue candies, 3 red ones, 2 purple, and 2 green I'll always start by eating two blue candies. Then I'll eat a single red candy. After that I'll go blue, red, purple, green, blue, red, purple, green.

A little bit off topic: Whenever I glance at the subject title for this thread I first read "anyone with just the right amount of OCD". I'd like to have the right amount of OCD. That would be great.

Then about 1 second later I notice what it really says.

So can one have TOCD without having Tourette's?



Yep, me too. The weird thing is that not all things trigger the compulsions. It's a bit "selective" (though I don't choose it).

Oh and also, how can I tell the difference between an OCD thought and an anxiety thought caused by for example my GAD?

Anxiety is usually about daily stuff. Fear of embarrassment, failure, etc. Often in the realm of rationality. Usually ego-syntonic.

OCD has intrusive thoughts. Things like sexual images, (straight people worrying they are gay) blaspheme, violent acts, etc. They are extremely uncomfortable, and extremely disturbing. Usually ego-dystonic.

In anxiety, the fears usually go along with the personality.
In OCD, the fears usually go AGAINST the personality. (Gentle people having violent thoughts, fearing that they will become a murderer.)

I've it a lot in a supermarked, I very often start arranging there everything.

I have this one thought which gives me unbelievable anxiety from time to time. The thought tells me I'm lying and faking Asperger's Syndrome (I'm not diagnosed yet though I'm waiting for an assessment). That I've made it all up. That I've reconstructed and/or fabricated my memories etc. It's not as bad nowadays as it was a while ago (though it's still there). Then I had this period of about 6 months when the thought gave me so much anxiety my whole chest was hurting and I just wanted to hit my head to get the thoughts to go away (which I did sometimes). It compelled me to look for information over and over and over again and repeatedly examine my life, my lists and how I felt/feel to make sure I had told no lies. Over and over and over again. I thought it'd make my anxiety go away but instead it made it worse. The only reason I got out of that particular vicious cycle is the fact that I started university and got very busy. It's very easy to get back into that vicious cycle though.

Anyway, that thought goes completely against my personality. I've always been considered a very honest person and I consider myself a very honest person as well. I'm probably too honest and too trusting sometimes. Honesty and rules and things like that are all very important to me. So the thought about being a liar might be OCD then? When I've mentioned it to the psychologists they just said it's probably anxiety and that AS is very difficult to fake. They never specifically said it was OCD.

That IS actually a common OCD intrusive thought/anxiety. I have it myself, constantly afraid I've lied about things, or am faking my Tourette's. It's very common.

Yes I agree, it's deffinetly OCD and I really have just some OCD traits or very very mild OCD but I know that too, it's higly common in OCD.
I also once had the OCD thought that I fake OCD, what's a paradoxon, because the thought itself is OCD.