meds... helping me or killing me?

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Hey guys,
I posted earlier about my ASD + schizoaffective disorder, now I'm concerned about my med regime. I'm currently taking 90mgs of Adderall IR a day plus what's supposed to be 3 mgs of klonopin a day along with 40 mg of zyprexa.

I quit the zyprexa because I couldn't bare the drowsiness and the weight gain that (sorry for being crude) was giving me "man boobs". I've increased my benzodiazepine dosage by 3fold (with someone else's prescription) to keep the anxiety and hallucinations at bay.

If I don't take 3mgs of klonopin and at least 15mg of adderall in the morning I can't function. I quit the adderall cold turkey many times and was utterly useless, couldn't do anything but sleep.

I've tried cutting the klonopin out to and I was crippled with anxiety, dillusions, and hallucinations that eventually led to a seizure. I'm prone to seizures already, had 4 grandmals in the last 10year's due to stress.

Problem is the longer I've been using klonopin the more my tolerance goes up and I'm already illicitly obtaining most of the klonopin. But if I stop or even cut the dose down withdrawl symptoms and schizoaffective symptoms surface.....I'm so so sick of this and I feel like it'd be easier to just "check out" most days .....I need some advice from anyone who would be kind enough to help steer me in the right direction.

I can't function without adderall either. I tried going off it but became useless. . .

Zyprexa is absolute toxic garbage. It is the strongest appetite stimulant on earth, of all substances, including drugs specifically used to treat weight loss in AIDS patients and including cannibas. Good news is there is absolutely no evidence that one antipsychotic works any better than another to treat psychosis.

You can simply have your doctor switch you to an antipsychotic that is not associated with weight gain such as Saphris or Geodon (more sedating than Saphris, I'd go with Saphris if I were you). Abilify certainly has less weight gain than the remaining options.

The reason your doctor had you on Zyprexa is because he is either incredibly ignorant, or he doesn't care. Most doctors I have met don't give a rats ass about any side effects any patient has to suffer through so long as the patient doesn't die and doesn't have problems with addiction.

The myth is that doctors are looking out for your best interests. The reality is that doctors do not look out for your best interests and you along with every other patient in western medicine must advocate for themselves.

I guarantee if you tell your idiot doctor that you stopped Zyprexa because the side effects were intolerable and instead suggested one of the three medication alternatives listed above, he would comply so long as the medication was available in your country.

If you take more than prescribed you will simply run out early. Benzos aren't sufficient to treat psychosis. You need an antipsychotic. There is simply no reason you need to take Zyprexa over much safer alternative options like Saphris (the newest generatiom atypical antipsychotic).

If fatigue is an issue, you could ask your doctor about modafinil as an option instead of adderall. Adderall can aggravate the positive symptoms of schizophrenia/schizoaffective more than modafinil would.

I would come clean about your medications to your doctor. Saphris could help with your anxiety as well as treat your psychotic symptoms. You could even ask your doctor about Lyrica which can help both generalized anxiety as well as acting as a anticonvulsant for your seizure problem if you arent already on something for seizures. It might help you reduce your dependency on your benzos as you wean to a lower dose.

Have an open discussion with your doctor and let him know which side effects are intolerable/non negotiable. If he doesn't like your ideas, ask why. In the end you have the right to refuse which medications you put in your body. Hope you get the help you need and find medications that work for you. I really advise against self medicating as it is not sustainable.

i wish i had klonopin and adderal
instead i got ssris that made me puke