Schizoid but... Bipolar? IDK.
So. I have 2 specific moods. I know something is wrong with me, but I cannot place it and it's frustrating. I need a label so I have it clearly laid out for myself.
Here's my one mood:
- I want to be social and don't wish to stay inside of the house alone.
- My libido goes through the roof and I'll send nudes to close friends, or invite people over for specific purposes.
- I will want to drink and go out more, a very specific urge to not be alone.
- I'll want to go do stuff, either alone or with others.
- I'll be much more likely to, for example, walk to a grocery store and take my time rather than quickly cycle up and down.
- Much more likely to go see my family and often genuinely enjoy spending time with them.
- I'll want to make new friends and get in touch with people I don't often talk to.
Here's my other, and most prominent mood:
- I hate people and don't wish to have anything to do with them.
- Life sucks but we're here for the ride so deal with it.
- I give very little f***s about anything.
- Bored, I want to stay home but all I'm doing is stuff I've done before.
- Sex doesn't bother me, except for maybe masturbating every once in a while.
- Easily irritated. Since recently also anger, which I don't know how to deal with as I've rarely experienced it.
- I feel superior to the rest of the world because I am not brought down by any issues. I get through everything, I am mentally invincible, people who let themself get affected by small issues are morons.
- I say I feel happy, others describe it as turning manic?
- Desire of putting myself in dangerous situations. Not something that is directly extremely dangerous, but a situation where potentially something bad could easily happen. My favorite is walking through dark forests at night. The reason is that life is boring. I seek a thrill. I seek to prove to myself that I am mentally invincible, and that I could easily brush off something as rape or assault.
- Desire to play with the emotions of others.
I've also accepted long ago that my way out will be by my own hand. However I wouldn't say I'm suicidal. I have no plans to end my life.
How would you label what's wrong with me? I can't name it and it's stressin' me out.
May be bipolar but certainly we can't diagnose you based on online posts.
You can talk to a doc about it and check out if mood stabilizers typically prescribed for bipolars help you.
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Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
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