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nalinakimori
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Joined: 9 Sep 2021
Age: 1944
Gender: Female
Posts: 3
Location: Blue Jay, Quebec

10 Sep 2021, 6:54 pm

Hi Everyone,

*I’m posting this on behalf of a friend who asked that I post this here, & I am making it clear that this post is not a dig at anyone who has BPD, because I understand everyone has different traits and things that may or may not trigger this disorder, but a genuine post asking for sincere advice. I apologize for how long this post is*

I live with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder, & is clearly in denial of it. They refuse to get help, & I am not in a position where I can just move out, leave, and get my own place right now. I am continuing to live there while I save up money to move and get my own place.

Everything triggers them and they blame me for the silliest things, such as the lights flickering when it’s clear that the bulb needs to be changed, and they constantly insult me(making remarks about how I am a liar, telling me how I am not smart, and that just because they are older, they know more than me like my experiences don’t mean much, constantly shoving an unused medical degree down my throat as if I am supposed to listen to them as opposed to my actual doctors that have earned their degrees, are practicing currently, and have been my doctors for a very long time.)

My problem here is they are attracted to me, & I have made it clear that I am un-attracted to them.
They want us to be friends and it to graduate to more than friends. They only invited me to live with them under the guise of friendship, which I recently found out was really ‘I like you and I was hoping that we could be boyfriend and girlfriend.’

I was willing to be friends with them, until I saw their behavior (such as getting mad when other guys are interested in me, especially when they are perceived in his mind to have anything better than him, whether it be looks, money, better dress, ect). This person often comments on people telling them that I am cute and keeps telling me to tell people that I am his girlfriend. I ignore him as I know I will NEVER be attracted to him in any way at all. They are not my type at all.

I am completely unattracted to this person as it is not just their clear BPD that is a turn off, but their are numerous other things that are a huge turn off, and it shows that our values don’t align.
They want to know everything about my life, & get upset when I don’t share things that are going on with me.
I am a person who prefers to not tell everyone my business unless I feel safe, and have had the unfortunate experience of dealing with family who are narcissists.
The person I live with reacts negatively to me wanting (and taking steps to) better myself, such as me being in school right now studying psychology & bettering my outer appearance and doing yoga and meditation for my inner peace.

They also have had bed bugs repeatedly, are very unclear, frugal (like not just normally frugal, I mean like the TV show CheapSkates frugal), are a hoarder, & on top of that, they don’t understand why I have placed boundaries on our interactions . They make me feel very uncomfortable because of their behavior. I am not being physically harmed in any way, and I don’t think it would get to that point (although I am clearly aware of how Borderlines can split).

I have taken the proper steps to ensure that I am not in contact with or having to deal with the effects of bedbugs within the home as my area is a small enclosed area of space.

I am miserable living with this person, & the situation is mentally draining, but I can’t leave because I am not financially where I need to be in order to get my own place.
How do I manage to maintain my sanity while living with this person and what can I do to speed up the time it takes for me to leave and get my own place ?



magz
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Joined: 1 Jun 2017
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11 Sep 2021, 3:25 am

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You need to know perfectly well how much you accept, how much you tolerate and where is the line you never agree to cross.
And external support - friends, therapist, family, anything available helps. They help you remain sane and see things from broader perspective.
Maybe there is someone out there willing to help you out?


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Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
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11 Sep 2021, 3:32 am

If you cannot afford to get your own place, could you maybe look into getting a better room-mate. Like If it is too expensive to live on your own you still may be able to find a better room-mate situation. But yeah seems like just not a good situation...So I think that person should perhaps put more effort into finding another living situation may be hard but would probably be better than a room-mate who acts like a rude as*hole.