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Crystal1414
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 25 Aug 2020
Posts: 280
Location: Canada

16 Sep 2022, 11:00 pm

I'm so annoyed by my identity. I need to feel attached yet I'm not. I don't know who I am fully. I feel like I'm not who people think I am. I dont know but I feel as if I'm just a soul in my body. I control my body but it's not really mine. I technically feel like I'm possessed honestly. Or that I'm the possessor. I do think I'm somehow related to Satan and God. I'm not very godly but I'm not very Satanic. But I do have issues. Yet people say I'm saintly. I dont get it. I'm not like what they think I am.

My family doesnt really get it They sometimes laugh. I don't think it's funny. I don't get it. It makes me feel upset. That brings me to my mood swings. My moods just are changing so rapidly. I'll think I'm super sad but then I feel so happy. Then later I feel sad again. I cant handle it. My anger is bad. I'm trying to explain that it's not something that is easy to control. People think i act immature and irresponsible for my age. I seem to make terrible decisions. I realized why though. Its because I've been basing them off of dreams. It's weird.

I'm sad currently. I don't know many emotions in myself other than Sadness, Happiness, Jealousy, and Confused as well as anger. I have such a hard time recognizing them. Even the ones I know. I'm on meds. They're getting upped. My doctor said there is room for improvement. I dont think that's a good thing.

I feel like I'm under water when it comes to my identity. It's really clear sometimes and sometimes its very blurry. The world is weird for me. I have no idea how to fully explain it to those who should know. They always misunderstand me. They dont seem to take me seriously. I think it's because I dress weirdly to them. I dont like the waiting room. It's scary. I have to dress comfortably to even sit comfortably. People stare because I start stimming. Plus I start getting up to get water and then chewing on the cup . I like the taste. Its comforting. Is there a way to just get rid of my issues for more than a few days? I'm mentally exhausted sometimes. I dont like admitting it because it makes me feel embarassed.



Pteranomom
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 21 Apr 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 345

22 Sep 2022, 12:13 am

Hello. I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I know how hard all of this can be sometimes.

I think we are all souls stuck in bodies. There are beautiful souls in ugly bodies and ugly souls in beautiful bodies and of course beautiful souls in beautiful bodies and all other varieties... But a body is a useful thing.

I think you will find your identity. It may take time. You may not have found the thing that will help you find it yet. But somewhere there is something special for you.

Good luck.



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,249
Location: Cardiff, Wales

22 Sep 2022, 1:11 pm

Hey I made terrible decisions based on dreams too. I try to ignore them these days
I can't relate to the rest of what you are saying though.
It is difficult when you are looking for guidance, you have a dream, which is a powerful personal experience.
Then you think it is God helping you and then you make a huge mistake. That's how its been for me.