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King Kat 1
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06 Mar 2021, 11:52 pm

I've been posting here on and off for awhile, so I'm undiagnosed Asperger's and gay. Long story short, I convinced myself early on in life that I was strait. Some of it had to do with Catholic upbringing and growing up in a small town in Michigan. Also, my family wasn't a big fan of it. If my late Grandmother knew, I would of probably gotten sent to conversion therapy.

Anyway, I didn't date in high school and I went out on my first date(with a girl) at 24. It sounds stupid, but I honestly thought these feelings I was having about being sexually attracted to men, would go away if I dated a girl( Sounds F'd up I know). I felt I could "fix" myself. I actually moved an hour away from where I lived, to be with this girl. Then the truth came out... I still remember the day and it's still feels weird to talk about it, July 15, 2007. I was 27(now 41).

When I had announced to my parents I was moving back, they were a little surprised. Then, it was suggested I try dating again and I sort of just blurted out why we broke up, they were surprised but not totally shocked, way I kind of saw it. I cannot say they were thrilled, but they let me know everything was ok and it didn't change anything.

I told a couple of now EX-friends, it went ok. My extended family has never been told and no one at work knows. A few online friends do know. While I like being single, I have those times where I wish I had someone. At this point in my life, I don't see anything changing. Due to my secretive nature, even if I met someone I'm not sure I would go about telling people I was dating a guy.

So that's kind of my story and hope you all don't mind me sharing it.


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IsabellaLinton
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07 Mar 2021, 12:06 am

Thanks for sharing. I hope that every step toward coming out helps in its own way. I'm glad that your parents were OK with it, after you explained what happened with your ex-girlfriend.

I can relate to your story very much. My first (and only) three relationships all ended with the man coming out. This was a twenty year span of my life, so it was pretty significant for me in terms of lost relationships. The second and third men experienced the same pressures from Catholicism that you describe, and they felt they had to hide their sexuality from everyone (themselves, their families, their faith, and me). I'm still best friends with the third man after 20 years and I've finally started dating again (fingers crossed, lol).

Welcome to WP, by the way! I haven't noticed your posts before.



r00tb33r
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07 Mar 2021, 1:35 am

King Kat 1 wrote:
I've been posting here on and off for awhile, so I'm undiagnosed Asperger's and gay. Long story short, I convinced myself early on in life that I was strait. Some of it had to do with Catholic upbringing and growing up in a small town in Michigan. Also, my family wasn't a big fan of it. If my late Grandmother knew, I would of probably gotten sent to conversion therapy.

Anyway, I didn't date in high school and I went out on my first date(with a girl) at 24. It sounds stupid, but I honestly thought these feelings I was having about being sexually attracted to men, would go away if I dated a girl( Sounds F'd up I know). I felt I could "fix" myself. I actually moved an hour away from where I lived, to be with this girl. Then the truth came out... I still remember the day and it's still feels weird to talk about it, July 15, 2007. I was 27(now 41).

When I had announced to my parents I was moving back, they were a little surprised. Then, it was suggested I try dating again and I sort of just blurted out why we broke up, they were surprised but not totally shocked, way I kind of saw it. I cannot say they were thrilled, but they let me know everything was ok and it didn't change anything.

I told a couple of now EX-friends, it went ok. My extended family has never been told and no one at work knows. A few online friends do know. While I like being single, I have those times where I wish I had someone. At this point in my life, I don't see anything changing. Due to my secretive nature, even if I met someone I'm not sure I would go about telling people I was dating a guy.

So that's kind of my story and hope you all don't mind me sharing it.

So you aren't fluid, like you don't find the female form attractive...?

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Thanks for sharing. I hope that every step toward coming out helps in its own way. I'm glad that your parents were OK with it, after you explained what happened with your ex-girlfriend.

I can relate to your story very much. My first (and only) three relationships all ended with the man coming out. This was a twenty year span of my life, so it was pretty significant for me in terms of lost relationships. The second and third men experienced the same pressures from Catholicism that you describe, and they felt they had to hide their sexuality from everyone (themselves, their families, their faith, and me). I'm still best friends with the third man after 20 years and I've finally started dating again (fingers crossed, lol).

Welcome to WP, by the way! I haven't noticed your posts before.

You know what all those 3 men had in common before they came out...?



King Kat 1
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07 Mar 2021, 4:36 am

Thanks for the kind words Isabella Linton. To answer r00tb33r, it's a complicated question. I'm definitely attracted to men, Women don't really figure into the equation. Maybe for me it was going through the motions or trying to trick my mind. I still feel awful about the whole experience.


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ezbzbfcg2
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07 Mar 2021, 5:33 am

Out of curiosity, when you were growing up, did you think your sexuality was the reason you were different from others? When did you realize you had Asperger's?



magz
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07 Mar 2021, 5:58 am

Thanks for sharing.
Living a life in denial to your own feelings is the part where I can really relate.
I'm glad you can be true to yourself now.


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kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2021, 6:53 am

Do you have a boyfriend now?

My wife’s son is gay, is in a civil partnership, and has a son through a surrogate.



King Kat 1
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07 Mar 2021, 2:38 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Out of curiosity, when you were growing up, did you think your sexuality was the reason you were different from others? When did you realize you had Asperger's?


I had no idea of my sexuality really, my family was always prudish in that way. So I had to find all this birds and bees stuff out myself. Growing up in my teens was a minefield, I was always looking over back wondering what I was going to get yelled at for. I was told early on I had ADD but no one ever suggested that, that wasn't it.

It was actually pointed out to me by the EX girlfriend, after like the 3rd date. I was embarrassed to tell you the truth, because at that point, I didn't wanted to keep that sort of stuff in the past and not have anyone know about it. Meaning, me being in special ED or my social screw ups in school. My lack of eye contact and poor phone etiquette gave it away.

The a little later, My mom worked with a lady who an autistic son and a light bulb went off. It explained my social gaffes, clumsiness, and poor social skills. Why got myself into trouble so much socially growing up.

With being gay, back in the 1990s it was a homophobic time in America. The only thing gay related that I truly knew of was what I saw on TV. I thought "that's not me!" . I'm envious of kids growing up now kind of, because many of them are able to get help for there AS and being gay isn't as hard as it used to be(it still is though).


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Sinister Biscuit
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07 Mar 2021, 2:59 pm

Congrats on coming out 14 years ago!

Grew up in a homophobic home myself - they tried a half hearted conversion but kicked me out at 17.

That was almost 40 years ago, tho. ;)
Im over it. Mom kind of came around as she loved drag queens. She passed a few years ago.

Recently diagnosed AS, so that put so much history in perspective.

Im relationship oriented though, but it was always tough to find longer term dating prospects that could handle my...um..."quirks". Very happily married now - burbs, dogs, I'm a picket fence queen. LOL



King Kat 1
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07 Mar 2021, 3:27 pm

thanks and that's wonderful


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AnonymousAnonymous
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05 May 2021, 7:14 pm

Congratulations on coming out from 14 years ago!

I'm cisgender and straight, but am sometimes accused of being gay by my LGBT-phobic mom.

Just because I have a few LGBT friends does not mean I'm a closeted gay or bisexual person.


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enz
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06 May 2021, 1:32 am

Congrats for coming out. I don’t think badly of people as long as there not a scumbag



King Kat 1
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06 May 2021, 6:23 am

:)


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