Am I Transgender, Non-binary, or just a Femboy?

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Well, I've been questioning my gender since I was 16. Now that I'm almost 24, one thing I can be sure of is that I'm not just a cisgender male, but that's about it. Sometimes I think I may just be a Femboy, mainly because of my secret love of cross-dressing, but then Cross-dressing always makes me wish I was a woman, which just makes me wonder if I'm actually a binary Transgender woman. Of course, I try to keep my options open at this point. I'm still highy drawn to the whole Non-binary community, too, especially since I love identifying as being either androgynous and maybe even gender-fluid, too. Overall, though, I'm still just really confused. Idk where to go with all of this, what to do, or even what any of it means, I'm just scared, sad and lonely, feeling like I'm struggling through all of this with no one to really help me understand or bounce stuff off of

You're Yourself
You don't need a label but you are free to explore how you feel about various gender identities and expressions. Maybe something just fits, maybe you need to write your own story.

Write my own story? I completely agree about exploring various gender identities and expressions, tho, 'cause that's just what I plan to do!!

You're yourself first and foremost.

Express how you feel comfortable.

If you want to crossdress, do it.
If presenting that way actually aligns better with how you understand yourself, go with it.
If presenting that way is enjoyable because it's a secret you keep and feels transgressive, go with that.
If presenting ambiguously appeals to you more, go with that.
If presenting in feminine ways some days, ambiguous ways on others and masculine on others works, do that.

You're not obliged to pledge for a gender or sexual identity and stick with it through thick and thin, they're just shorthand for a more complicated matter.

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice and support, funeralxempire!! I completely agree that gender and sexual identity is so much more complicated and fluid than any particular label could ever hope to convey, and that just because I happen to or want to present in a different way or a bunch of different ways doesn't invalidate whatever gender or even genders I feel like my thoughts and feelings are closest to!! Because if there's one thing I've found that always leads to the most misery, at least for me, it's always the pressure to conform to either be a man or be a woman... So I think all I can do for now is just continue letting go of any and all oppressive gendered norms and keep striving to fully be myself regardless of whatever the gender binary might represent in societal imagination!! But then again, I guess that's probably just what writing my own story really means, in this case!!

You'd only be transgender if you got a sex change.

But the way you put it says, "I don't conform to my own gender that you claimed at birth, world! And I am killing it!"

So, yeah, keep it up. Explore.

Oh and you sound young, youngling. Those are the most confusing times.

Are you just trying to add a label to help others? Or are you exploring your inner gay?

That part, wasn't clear to me.

Hmm..

There's so many colors to this part of life. Like above, y'know, just do you.

Have you ever felt, that something colorful is bubbling up and you can't contain it? So its thrust you on this, candid focus?

That's personal growth, my friend.

And maybe you're all, "woah what is this?" And it confuses you.

I dunno.

I just call it gay

"I don't conform to my own gender that you claimed at birth, world! And I am killing it!" Lol, you got me there, alright!! If I sounded young, then yes: I'm 23, going to be 24, this year. That might not be as young as expected, but because of my sheltered childhood (I was homeschooled, so y'know, ) my upbringing was very insular and rather lacking as far as being devoid of sex and romance. As a result of all that, I've remained a virgin well into my young adulthood, and stuff like sexuality and gender identity are still very new and open-ended to an admittedly rather overwhelming degree, for me. As far as why I'm drawn to labels, well; yeah, part of me wants to add labels to help others and part of me just wants to explore my inner gay. I mean, when I think about it now, being bi-curious is still pretty gay, right??

No.

I haven't even started transitioning yet and I'm still transgender and I have no interest in getting SRS.

That doesn't make me not transgender lol.

But yeah OP figuring out one's gender identity can be a long process. For me it started out when I was literally in elementary school (you come up with a non-trans reason for why my AMAB self was jealous of my female classmates who started going through puberty early and wished that her body would develop like that, wished she could wake up one day and be a girl, and would even look up magic spells to turn herself into a girl - none of that is anything a cisgender child would think or wish), realized I was trans and a girl when I was 14-ish, and realized that 'transfeminine non-binary' fits me best only a year ago. (Of course, I also still consider myself a woman and will refer to myself as one because I consider 'woman' to encompass all feminine gender identities).

Thank you so much for your lovely and invaluable insight, PrincessViola!! Lowkey, I can relate to your story, tho Strangely enough, cross-dressing always made me feel sad, in a way. Like, I realized that I had to take the clothes off sometime, and when I did, I would stop feeling feminine and lady-like. But I never wanted to let go of that gender euphoria, either; no matter how small and fleeting it was, I wanted to always feel feminine and lady-like, even when I wasn't wearing female clothes... Hell, I even have an interest in esoteric stuff like youtube subliminal videos and magic spell sites precisely because I'm still so desperate to always chase that gender euphoria I get from cross-dressing, just to get the feeling of being feminine and lady-like all the time, and to never have to go back to being in the male box, ever again!!

Of course, in recent years, I've also been drawn to the non-binary community, but again, this is also down to my desperate desire to escape the male box that I feel confined in. Like, I realized my pull to androgyny because I genuinely wished I was more intersex and not biologically male. Like, I've had legit deep depression and gender dysphoria that I couldn't have more than one set of gendered body parts like hentai futanari and homestuck trolls, 'cause I really hate the romantic, social and sexual confinement, commodification and fetishization that seems to come with being born AMAB... I've wished so badly that I could just switch from being male to female with ease like the titular protagonists of Doctor Who and Ranma 1/2, because feeling like I have to conform to the gender binary in one way or another just feels like it sucks dirt... Idk, I guess I'm a confusing bundle of overwhelming feelings when it comes to gender identity and gender dysphoria, but Ik I've felt more uncomfortable with being male than I should have, especially given how much my friends and family often like to tell me how much I look like a leading actor...

Well, after a lot of thought, I realized that I'm definitely not cisgender, so thank you so much to everyone who gave wonderful advice to me when I needed to hear it the most!! !

So now you have to do something for me.


...what is a cisgender, again?

I can't keep up with all the terms.

Cis, as in multiple? I think that's the latin for it.

Labels serve no other purpose than to divide people.

Cis is the opposite of trans.
Like Cisalpine Gauls and Transalpine Gauls.

A cisgender individual is someone who isn't trans.

You're BraveFig. No one else is like you. You don't need to fit into any category. You can create your own category. Just label yourself whatever you like best.

Thank you for the wonderful encouragement!! That's so true, tho!!