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Joined: 22 Aug 2019
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16

20 Jun 2024, 1:52 pm

Besides having autism, I identify as asexual and aromantic. I have never felt sexual attraction to anyone. I have always considered myself as a tomboy. Wearing more masculine clothing and always having short hair. I have always believed myself to be female. I have always wondered about non-binary or gender queen is more appropriate. I have never had gender disphoria. I know whatever feels good for me is what is right.

I wonder whether the asexuality and lack of sexual desire one way or another influenced my gender. Or the challenges of interoception being autistic. Physically masculine clothes feel better. In pu lic I am frequently mistaken for a male.

I am interested how others who identify as non-binary, gender queer, or similar identity know that is what feels right to them?

Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Jun 2024
Age: 46
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6
Location: Florida

22 Jun 2024, 10:29 pm

I could see how that might be difficult to decipher. I feel like gender identity is who you are, but it's also a choice to take on that identity. For me, as a non-binary person, it came down to how I felt on the inside. I never felt like a guy or a girl fully. Although, I would say that my personality leans more feminine. That's what set the alarm bells off that I'm different. When all the guys wanted to play sports, I would have rather talked with the girls, but I was a bit too scared as a kid to do what felt right. And of course, there was massive pressure to conform growing up in a male body in the 80's. Edit: I would also add that this process is very confusing for a lot of people 40+, because there was no language for what we may have been going through. I think a lot of us just suppressed those thoughts. For me, it took a while of digging and soul searching to figure this out (years).

Do you feel more at ease among men? Are there other signs besides the clothes? How do people relate to you? What feels most natural?


User avatar

Joined: 25 Nov 2022
Age: 31
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,288
Location: USA

09 Jul 2024, 4:52 am

I'm agender/non-binary. I present as a somewhat androgynous feminine person. (Though, because I either have PCOS or NCAH, I have some facial hair. So, as a result, children think I'm a man and tend to address me as "sir". Which I rather get a kick out of.)

Hm.... mainly I just feel a big ol void. I don't connect to womanhood. I would be just as happy with a male body as a female one.

I also don't really have dysphoria.

ASD level 1, ADHD-C, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD