Coming Out: Progress So Far

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So, currently 7 people know that I am gay. I started by telling my mom, several months ago, and she passed on the message to my dad and her brother (who is also gay--interestingly, I was told that he'd always though I might be gay). I assume that his partner also knows. About 1.5 months ago I told one of my close friends from high school (I knew that she is very accepting).

Tonight I told a couple of more recent friends over Skype. The reason I chose to tell them is because I'm thinking of transferring to the university they are at and it is very important to my decision that I will have some good friends there to help me make the transition. As I do want to become more open about my sexuality I wanted to make sure that they'd be fine with it. In the first case I actually managed to bring it up naturally in the conversation. He was absolutely fine with it (I sort of wonder if he's gay too, but that's almost certainly wishful thinking--certainly if he is he didn't come out tonight).

The other case I was more concerned about because he's made some comments that I thought were rather offensive before (see my earlier post Liberal Homophobia). Anyway, I brought up more directly there. He didn't seem to take it in stride quite as much as the first friend, although he said he was fine with it. And apologized when I explained that the reason I felt it necessary to check if he was alright with this was because he'd said some things that I had found offensive.

Anyway, I feel like I've made some good progress. I feel better having told a few more people. At least now the second guy will know why I don't really join in his conversations about hot girls... But most of my family still remains in the dark. My brother isn't homophobic, so he'll find out eventually, but we aren't close and don't really share these personal issues with each other. My paternal grandmother is a devout Anglican, so I don't know how she'll take it. I'll put off telling her as long as possible (ie: until I'm getting married). My other grandparents I am in no hurry to tell either, but they'll probably find out if and when I ever get a boyfriend.

For those others not already fully out, how are things going for you?

Congratulations! You're pretty courageous.

I am out to my Mum, a number of friends and a load of random people from school. I want to come out to my siblings, but I don't know if its the right time to or not. I would love to be more open about it too, but I don't want to flaunt it or parade about it.

Hi guys. Straight male here, just popping by to offer some support. I hope the people that matter will react in a positive way. Good luck with this hugely important stage in your lives.

I made a "coming out" status update on Facebook for National Coming Out Day, but I restricted it to where only my non-related friends could see. I got nothing but support from my friends, even from some I wouldn't have expected much from in the first place.

Regarding my family, I might consider coming out to a select few of them. My parents told me that they wouldn't have a problem with my being gay, even though I haven't really come out to them yet.

Also, I found out recently that I have a relative who's both gay and an Episcopal priest who lives in Utah. I got in touch with him via Facebook, and after I told him that I was gay, he let me know how happy he was for me to contact him. I can't wait to get into more conversations with him.

Anyway, I think we should all come out on our own pace and not try to rush things. That's my bit of advice for the day.

Congratulations. I hope things keep going as well for you as they have so far.

one can't really pull the wool over one's own parents for too long. they tend to know more of what's cookin' in their kid's heads than the average youngster offspring might think at first or 2nd thought.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they suspect it by now. I just haven't confirmed their suspicions yet.

Hmm. I guess compared to you not very well.
I told my best friend; I suppose she falls under the "bi-curious" category, so she may not have taken my revelation too seriously. I also told another girl after she asked my orientation several times (it turns out she's been hitting on me, and I was too dense to realize it), and we've had a very odd relationship since. I also have a circle of friends who are all straight, and didn't reveal my orientation for a while, not because I was afraid of their reaction, but because I didn't talk about relationships much. The members in my family are Polish and many are devout Catholics, so breaking the news to them will take some time... My grandmother though once shared a flat with seven gay guys, so I'm betting that she'll be okay with it. My mom knows; she at first didn't know quite how to handle the news but since has been very supportive. I consider myself very lucky in that regard. I didn't tell my dad because, though he is not the most homophobic person out there, has very traditional views regarding men and women. I think he might suspect because of my tendency of robbing his closet of shirts <.<

Congrats AstroGeek! Feels damn good doesn't it.

I was worried for a long time about how ppl would react but when i told them they didnt care, not in a bad way but so many ppl have so many issues of their own that the only ppl who care enough to make a fuss are those that hate other gay ppl and believe it or not they are few and far between. You may be thinking that your world will completely change when ppl find out but its very unlikey that it will. Dont be affraid for so long to tell ppl like i was because its much ado about nothing. If anyone does have an issue with it then cut them out of your life.

Hope all goes well.

When I was first in college I was bullyed and attacted for being gay, even though I dated girls. It ended with me being in a very unsafe environment. Having lite matches thrown at me, my stuff shoved in toilets while I was showering. the college basically kicked me out and let the bullies stay. That was a long time ago. I am still effected by it. I have told two of my 4 sisters and both of my brothers. One was gay and is now dead. The other very ill. Most of my friends know but I haven't told any of my actual classmates. I am a nontraditional grad student. I am open about myself though. I discussed how I would love to have a guy I know move to where i live to go to law school so we could have a relatioship (not going to happen). My father once asked m but that was before I knew myself. He finally asked me again and told me thatit was okay but to never let a guy f**k me. He was a single dad and was dying at the time. I had a terrible relationship with my mom and never told her. I wish I had.

I'm not out to anyone except people here. On Wednesday I joined my campus lgbt group. I really liked it there. It was so welcoming and nonjudgmental. There were a bunch of people I suspect are Aspies there too. Joining this group is kind of my first step towards being more open about my gender and orientation. Like if I have friends and support there, even if all my other friends decide I'm not worth being around anymore, I'll still be ok.

Hey Astrogeek, well done! Remember, you don't have to tell anyone until you're ready - including your parents. I told mine a couple of months after I first came to accept the idea, and I first raised it with some old school friends. I only really had one bad reaction from a fellow University student, and he merely came across as uncomfortable.

I would argue that, if they don't react positively, they don't matter.

My mother's reaction was interesting. I forget exactly what she said but it was something like "oh, is that all?"

Maybe make this thread a sticky?

So far, none of my family or friends know that I'm bi (and possibly straight-up gay), but I'm sure that several of them suspect. The clothes and colors I prefer, the ways in which I act, my sensitivities, and certain remarks I've made... I think all of these have definitely (but inadvertently) given people some ideas about my sexual preferences.

The reason why I haven't shared the news is that, frankly, at the present time it is more convenient for me to withhold it. I don't believe that I would be guillotined for it, but I think that there would be consequences and I think it would definitely change the dynamics of my relationships with some of my friends and some members of my family. And I'm not ready to deal with that. But I'll tell them someday. All in good time, I say.

Astrogeek, it is awesome to hear that things are going well for you. Hopefully it continues!

I haven't made any progress since I started this thread. Not that I've really spoken to many other people, so I guess there hasn't been much opportunity to come out to anyone.

That's okay. It'll happen as it happens, I suppose.