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MindBlind
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03 Jun 2012, 1:11 pm

Because that's how I identify. I have no interest in a romantic relationship. I'm not asexual, though. I wonder if this is common for autistic people, or even most people.



redrobin62
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03 Jun 2012, 1:32 pm

There's an album by the ex-members of the Talking Heads. Its called, 'No Talking, Just Head.' Is that what you mean?



MindBlind
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03 Jun 2012, 1:46 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
There's an album by the ex-members of the Talking Heads. Its called, 'No Talking, Just Head.' Is that what you mean?


Haha. Yeah, I guess so.



Kzil
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03 Jun 2012, 2:39 pm

http://www.asexuality.org has a lot of information about that kind of thing: asexual, aromantic, demisexual, etc.

From that site's wiki:
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.ph ... =Aromantic
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.ph ... Asexuality


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07 Jun 2012, 4:32 pm

I think I would fit 'aromantic' too - I definitely have for the most of my life. I found romance to be an unnatural forced kind of behavior because you have to live up to the standards of what your culture considers to be romantic behavior, romantic topics to bring up and romantic manners in which to talk about them, how to move, use your voice, and perform other activities in an appropriately and successfully romantic fashion. All of this makes being romantic not freeing or elevating but limiting, because there are so many things you can't do or say if you want to fulfill the romantic model of behavior.

How can this be blissful?

It seems to be more like a trial where you're weighed and measured, and whether or not your date likes you depends on how well you perform.

Here's an excerpt from what someone close to me said about it:

Quote:
Close friend: I was capable of performing as expected as a young woman, but I found it incredibly boring and always waited for it to be over.
Another aspect of 'romantic' I disliked was the underlying expectations to it as being a forerunner for sex. I could never time my arousal in this way and plan to be horny in 5 hours when the 5.th dinner date is over and we've reached my doorstep.

However, now that I'm no longer confined by a gender I never identified with I am not at all closed to the possibility of a romantic date with someone I really like - providing this person likes romance, that's the one thing that makes all the difference. I feel so much more relaxed and free and unconfined as a man, and... yeah, I think I could possibly enjoy being romantic with a woman who would take delight in me being so.

One more thing: Before my 'revival' (as I call it), I never considered my aromanticsim to be a problem as such and certainly not one that stems from me or my personality. When it sometimes has been a problem and have been a dragging shadow on my femininity, this was always due to the rigid ways of mainstream society more than anything - and of course of the rigid thinking of those who couldn't help but conform to these ways. In hindsight I find it only natural that I also never felt attracted to people who placed an emphasis on romance.

I think if I had been self aware and my surroundings had been naturally accepting of my gender-diverse nature, I might have had moments with romantic elements that I enjoyed with someone else. But I have been so alienated that neither I nor others could develop a sense of closeness that didn't bring with it this suppressive expectation to sexual performance.

And like you I'm not in the least asexual. This confused me for many years because I never seemed to be able to feel aroused on the appropriate occasions, namely when someone had made a pass on me and I was supposed to react accordingly. Instead I locked down completely and attempts at forcing sexual activity anyway always either had to be abandoned (I was impenetrable) or it hurt like hell.


Thanks for bring the subject up. It made me consider another aspect of being alive which was closed and non-existent in the past! :)

.....

Kzil,

thanks for the links, they're much appreciated!



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12 Jun 2012, 8:05 pm

Well, "Is that a word?" is a very difficult question to answer, at least when it comes to English, since there is no central arbiter of what is or is not a "real" English word.

But I think the short answer is that yes, it is, though it's not one in particularly wide circulation.

And your romantic and sexual orientation certainly need not be the same.

I do think it's necessary to ask just what it means to have romantic feelings for someone as opposed to just liking them in a non-romantic way. That's a pretty difficult question to answer, I think. But to me being romantically attracted to someone is not necessarily the same as wanting to engage in socially defined "romantic" behavior with them.



Ambivalence
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18 Jun 2012, 4:20 pm

I should think it describes a state like romance, only smellier.


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