Can people choose to be gay like they can choose ice cream f

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Jitro
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10 Nov 2012, 11:03 pm

Can people choose between being gay or straight like they can choose between buying vanilla or chocolate ice cream?



nokosage
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11 Nov 2012, 1:02 am

No.
They "choose to be" gay like you "choose to be" straight.
If you-- just for pleasure -- told everyone that you would have gay relationships, but felt no real attraction to people of your same gender, you would not be gay.

I doubt that most gay people would have originally chosen to be attracted to people of their same gender, looking at all of the hate directed towards them.



Last edited by nokosage on 11 Nov 2012, 1:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

abacacus
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11 Nov 2012, 1:03 am

I haven't a clue, nor do I care. ----------


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DiscardedWhisper
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11 Nov 2012, 2:44 am

You can't control who you love.



MarketAndChurch
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11 Nov 2012, 2:55 am

nokosage wrote:
No.
They "choose to be" gay like you "choose to be" straight.
If you-- just for pleasure -- told everyone that you would have gay relationships, but felt no real attraction to people of your same gender, you would not be gay.

I doubt that most gay people would have originally chosen to be attracted to people of their same gender, looking at all of the hate directed towards them.



That's spot on. I think of the composer Tchaikovsky, and the reality he had to endure. The proof that **MOST** gays don't choose to be gay is the past, and how hard it was to be one, and all of the ramifications of that "choice"... you were alienated from your friends, family, and maybe even community, a different set of sub-standards were applied to you, barred from entry or participation in various social institutions, you were often attacked and many where even killed.

Considering all of that, why would anyone think that **MOST** gays choose to be gay? None of us wake up in the mourning and make a conscious decision of who we'll be attracted to, it's not fair to gays to assume they simply *turn it on* when nothing could be farther from the truth.

Now, I say **MOST** because not all gays started gay, but 80-90% of them were born that way, and we should just leave it at that.


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ArrantPariah
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11 Nov 2012, 11:06 am

The question was whether people can people choose between being gay or straight: not whether most people actually do choose.

Who knows? Some day, you might wake up and say "You know what? I really feel like buggering a man today. I think I'll go do it."



MarketAndChurch
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12 Nov 2012, 2:38 am

ArrantPariah wrote:
The question was whether people can people choose between being gay or straight: not whether most people actually do choose.

Who knows? Some day, you might wake up and say "You know what? I really feel like buggering a man today. I think I'll go do it."


well in that case, no, not in our world where a preference is made known from as early on as one's memory goes. From little girls wearing princess costumes for halloween, to the pairing prince who rescue them in their favorite childhood disney film. It is a constructed world, and we have an inherent bias. The guy gets the girl is the guy gets the girl. It's never the guy gets the guy unless it is gay material for gays to enjoy. We make those distinctions in our biased world

In a non-biased world, where you could ask your child which person she may wish to marry some day by naming off children her age regardless of their gender... they would see on TV, in who their parents keep as company, amongst their syblings, in the media they consumed, a total fluidity in sexuality, or at least an open acceptance of it that it would not confound them, or leave them puzzled. Ask a fifth grader that today, they would think you were accusing them of it, and they may scream at you: "I'm NOT GAY!! !"


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12 Nov 2012, 3:34 am

nokosage wrote:
No.
They "choose to be" gay like you "choose to be" straight.
If you-- just for pleasure -- told everyone that you would have gay relationships, but felt no real attraction to people of your same gender, you would not be gay.

I doubt that most gay people would have originally chosen to be attracted to people of their same gender, looking at all of the hate directed towards them.


A friend, who was my best man at my wedding, has a brother who is a born again Christian, and so is absolutely certain my friend had chosen to be gay. So one day, my friend finally told his brother, just for one second, be gay. His brother had answered he couldn't, because he's straight. My friend told him that's exactly why he can't be straight - because he was born gay.

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer



ruveyn
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12 Nov 2012, 8:22 am

DiscardedWhisper wrote:
You can't control who you love.


That is quite correct. The heart hath reasons of which the mind knows nothing.

However people can control their -actions-. That is the essence of free will.

ruveyn



lostonearth35
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19 Jan 2015, 9:35 pm

They can't choose to be gay any more than I can choose to have Asperger's or be left-handed, and it saddens me people still believe that people can. Do you people would choose to be gay if they could actually be straight? Being something that so many people still think is sick and evil? Being hated or even killed because of your sexuality?

We really still are in the Dark Ages. I know it wasn't that long ago when left-handed people like me were thought to be evil and stupid, and kids were forced to use their right hand in school, which nearly always resulted in failure or minimal success. Now it's acceptable and lefties are even praised for being creative, artistic, imaginative and so on.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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19 Jan 2015, 10:03 pm

Once somebody tells others they are homosexual and is confident and secure in that, I would say, yes, they are gay, especially if they want to have sex with others like them as opposed to the opposite sex.

Then there's a group that's sorta unsure about everything and don't really know and isn't sexually attracted to anyone. They like everyone and have no problem being friends with someone who is nice and not a total jerk regardless of any label and love both men and women who are nice people. They don't take for granted that nice quality and that would be me, falling into that category. Not sure what to label us.

Then there's a group who are sexually attracted to both men and women and could enter into a relationship with either. These are bisexual. Since they are aroused by both their sex drive can be higher than average.

Some people want to call anyone who is wants to have sex with the same gender as themselves are gay even if they have it with the opposite, too and they argue, eventually, such types will identify as completely gay.



tall-p
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19 Jan 2015, 10:41 pm

Jitro wrote:
Can people choose between being gay or straight like they can choose between buying vanilla or chocolate ice cream?
That's simple. Try it! Choose to be gay for 10 minutes. If you turn gay, and if you like it, then stay gay, and if you don't then choose to go straight again. Plus, then you can tell your friends that you were gay for ten minutes, but chose to go back to being straight.


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19 Jan 2015, 11:03 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
...there's a group who are sexually attracted to both men and women and could enter into a relationship with either. These are bisexual.

Those who say it is a choice are most likely bisexual.



BetwixtBetween
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19 Jan 2015, 11:18 pm

Nope.

I'm straight. I can't choose to like girls. It really wouldn't work out at all. I could pretend if I felt my survival depended on it, but it would just be pretend. I really don't get why anyone would think a gay guy could choose to like girls or a lesbian could choose to like guys.

I know people who were tossed out of their home because they were gay. I've had friends sob on my shoulder because they were gay and they really didn't want to be. I know people who've been beaten and even stabbed because they were gay or people thought they were. I've known people who've suffered through programs to change their sexuality. They wanted it to work, but it didn't. A couple of them admitted attempting suicide after it didn't work.

So, no.



Skibz888
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19 Jan 2015, 11:28 pm

Humanaut wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
...there's a group who are sexually attracted to both men and women and could enter into a relationship with either. These are bisexual.

Those who say it is a choice are most likely bisexual.


Largely untrue, as bisexuality (as well as pansexuality) is its own separate sexual orientation, one which is unfortunately commonly stigmatized by both heterosexual and homosexual people who argue that bisexuality is a "choice". I never understood why it's such a hard concept to grasp that people could be sexually attracted to the different features of both sexes.

And then there's asexuality, which is a complete lack of sexual attraction and also is definitely not a choice. I'm asexual, and boy-oh-boy am I glad I made a choice about being unable to have sex with people I love! I sure am glad I chose to have that self-confidence-draining awkwardness in MY love life! :D



Humanaut
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19 Jan 2015, 11:40 pm

Skibz888 wrote:
Humanaut wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
...there's a group who are sexually attracted to both men and women and could enter into a relationship with either. These are bisexual.
Those who say it is a choice are most likely bisexual.
Largely untrue, as bisexuality (as well as pansexuality) is its own separate sexual orientation, one which is unfortunately commonly stigmatized by both heterosexual and homosexual people who argue that bisexuality is a "choice". I never understood why it's such a hard concept to grasp that people could be sexually attracted to the different features of both sexes.

Being able to choose between different attractive features of both sexes implies bisexuality. That was my point.