Does your gayness cover up your Aspieness?

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If I act stereotypically gay will people only see my gayness and not see any Aspie or neuroatypical traits? I hope this question makes sense.

Last edited by DevilKisses on 16 Feb 2014, 7:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

as an extension then I would have to be a "bull-dyke" - sorry not in my nature, I happen to be pretty femme, though I do offend people a lot by being quite a bit of a feminist. About all I do do ois not wear make-up or spend much time on my hair, really more of an extension of being aspie than being lesbian.

So, not willing to sacrifice who I am in my nature just to hide being autistic (especially in a area where being homosexual will get me as much or more hate as being atypical)

No. They see both. I am bi and subtly androgynous, but people will draw attention to both my more effeminate traits as well as my social aloofness, so in most of my previous workplaces I was known as 'strange and unapproachable' whichever way you cut it.

I doubt that camping it up will hide neuroatypical traits.

If I did that, I bet it would just result in NT straights having yet another reason to see me as being a bit off. I am quite sure that the NT gay folks I know would not appreciate it either.

I was thinking that this could work for me. I think most of my neuroatypical traits are mild enough to be unnoticeable or barely noticeable. If people do notice that something is "off" about me and ask me about it I would probably just tell them that I'm gay. Even though I'm not stereotypically gay I could blame my neuroatypical traits on being gay or "just quirky".

That is more like what I do. I sometimes laugh it off as just me being a little quirky or eccentric. That gives them something to latch onto that they more likely can understand and not be afraid of.

If I have just launched into details about some topic, I will try to stop myself and just laughingly add: "Oops, sorry... my inner absent-minded professor just came through a bit". Or "Oops, sorry... I've been watching too much Science (or History) Channel".

Eccentricity seems more understood and accepted in some cultures or sub-cultures than others. In artistic and technical circles eccentricity sometimes appears more accepted, if not expected and/or exploited as a marketing ploy or brand identifier, e.g. Dali's mustache, Einstein's hair. I played off of that myself for a bit when I worked in art circles.

Based on all of the posts I've read of yours, you seem very insecure, self-conscious, and uncomfortable with yourself. I think you need to focus on getting comfortable with yourself than hiding yourself.

Until I recognized my ASD for what it is, I assumed that my social deficits as a teenager were due to my being gay. It's only with the clarity of hindsight (and reunion with schoolmates from that time) that I have been able better to put the pieces together.

Does my gayness cover up my Aspieness?

For me, it was the other way around. In school, I was such a social recluse that no-one thought I was attracted to anyone, let alone other guys.

Comes in handy when you go to a Christian high school. Still, I enjoyed my time overall at school.

People who are very ignorant about sexuality might attribute anything and everything they perceive as atypical about you to your sexuality. (I hope very much that people in this group would be a minority -- not because I think it's bad to be visibly autistic, but because I think it's bad to assume that one aspect of a person can be used to explain their entire being.... I should add that in my mind this is not the same as being the gay person in question and thinking that your being gay has affected your ability to relate to people or find people to relate to, or that being gay has affected your social skills in other ways; Because if you're thinking about yourself you are in a position to know whether or not this is the case and to have valid reasons, whereas if you're just making assumptions about someone else you're just making assumptions and failing to see the other person as a whole person beyond their sexuality.)

Anyone else would be extremely unlikely to attribute anything and everything they perceive as atypical about you to your sexuality because they know better...gay people are as diverse as straight people when it comes to stuff like social skills and other abilities or behaviors or perspectives.

This is pretty much how it is for me.

Also, I consider myself one of the "girly" gays in the sense that, had I been born into a preindustrial (or even more so, preagricultural) society with more rigid gender roles, I probably would have been socialized into some sort of third-gender category. And that would have been fine, since I feel pretty androgynous. But I kind of think other people don't necessarily see me that way, because Western cultures tend to code emotionality as feminine, and I'm so undemonstrative.

There is something about me that people continuously misinterpret.

People often assume I am a gay guy or a lesbian. Some of this assumption may be from the way I dress, and the rest probably from my behavior. With my autism, I have all sorts of atypical behavior. I am not even aware of all the signals I must be sending. I can't see myself from the outside, or from a neurotypical viewpoint to judge.

I think a lot of my aspie behaviors get misinterpreted as gay behaviors. I often get either homophobic insults or 'oh you found a mate' type of comments when I am hanging out with a person who is just a friend, or a co worker. I have been detected on gay peoples' gaydar also and they may want to chat about their relationship issues. I think my aspie behavior sends off incorrect relationship signals.

It seems that my aspie behavior amplifies my gayness signals. People often assume I am in a relationship with people who are just friends or acuaintances. I might be gayer than I think I am. I don't know. I have always been fearful about relationships. I used to think I was straight, but I might be bi. However, people often come to the assumption that I have a same sex preference, as a gay guy or a lesbian. A lot of people can't tell what sex I am.

My Aspieness hides my gayness, not the other way around.

Some people have "the third eye" though.

This so me and most of the time I actually prefer this.
As I gay man this is one of few benefits of being an Aspie I really enjoy.

I know isn't it lovely?