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brontesavis
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Joined: 29 Jan 2022
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Posts: 8
Location: Arizona

30 Jan 2022, 9:17 pm

I don't know if this is an okay question to ask here, but how in the world am I supposed to find someone to date? I mean, I've literally never been asked out (except once, but that was a cruel joke that went right over my head), never gone on a date, and it doesn't help that I'm a bi gray-asexual GNC autistic pre-transition trans man with a preference for people taller than me despite being, like, 5'9. I mean, the height thing is definitely not a requirement, but even with that, I just feel really... alone? I know there are more people like me out there.
I guess I also have no social life since I left my church and everybody my age has graduated and moved on, so finding new friends is a priority. Where do I go to meet other people like me, in any sense? I'm too young (and frankly, too terrified) to go to a bar, I think, but I'm also too old for most people at my school, and I don't have enough device access to be able to use dating sites or apps right now.
All I have right now is my family and my teachers, and that's just not enough. I've spent so long searching for who I am and where I belong, and... Well, my family isn't supportive of the trans thing, and I don't know how they'll feel about me identifying as a man and dating a man or being AFAB and dating a woman, so I can't even be myself at home. What money I do have is in a bank account I can no longer access, so I can't even buy myself a binder, despite the fact that I've earned that right and ability several times over. I don't have my phone, so I can't make any doctor's appointments unless I sacrifice what little time I have at home to get online and find people like me (and do my ONLINE HOMEWORK because reasons I guess), and I don't think I can handle that. My longtime friend has been struggling with various things, and I love them with all my heart (platonically but also they're taken anyways), and I don't know if I can keep helping them, because I can barely even help myself right now.
I just want to find someone that feels like home. Why does that, even in a platonic sense, have to be so hard?


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Lost_dragon
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Joined: 6 May 2017
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Posts: 1,995
Location: England

01 Feb 2022, 8:43 am

Hi Brontesavis,

There's a lot of questions here, so I'll try breaking my response down to organise my thoughts.

- Why can't you access your money? Are your parents controlling access to the account?

- I'm sorry to hear that your family is unaccepting. Unfortunately, safety has to be your first priority. Especially as someone who does not have financial independence and by the sounds of it has a limited social net. If you do plan to come out to them, I'd have a back up plan in case it backfires. Such as a place to stay if you're kicked out. Until you have that, I'd recommend staying in the closet to your family. I know it must be difficult not having a space to be open. That's why having a found family is so important.

- So, where to find such people? That's a good question. You mentioned school...what level? Do you have any hobbies or take part in any extra-curricular activities? Any plans for further education?

- Have you considered wearing a sports bra or loose shirts / t-shirts to ease dysphoria a little? I suppose this would depend on your chest size. Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, use ace bandages. Such bandages can tighten over time, leading to constricted breathing and potential damage to the ribcage.

- Why don't you have your phone? This is an unusual situation.

- To be frank, dating is the least important concern on this list right now. All in due time. I'd focus on making some new friends first.


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Magicklore
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Joined: 22 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 29

10 Feb 2022, 6:58 pm

That's a really tough situation, especially since your family isn't accepting. Maybe try to find a space outside of your house/away from your family that you feel comfortable in. Maybe see if your local library has any groups or events. They'll usually have some crafting stuff if you don't like reading. That would give you a bit of freedom from your family and give you a group of a couple people who could become friends.



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