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DeathFlowerKing
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06 Dec 2022, 11:26 pm

There once was a man depressed
Who refused to bathe or get dressed
While staring at his clock
He realized with a shock
That his life had become quite a mess



Kraichgauer
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07 Dec 2022, 1:43 am

Very relatable from times in my life.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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07 Dec 2022, 7:32 pm

Very excellent and well-written! :)


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DeathFlowerKing
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07 Dec 2022, 7:32 pm

Thanks! :D



ToughDiamond
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07 Dec 2022, 10:28 pm

The meter could use work, but I wouldn't go as far as this meter snob did:
A lim’rick’s not hard to define
But it needs to do more than just rhyme
It’s the meter that matters
The pitters and patters
If not you’re just wasting my time


Your limerick is also clean as well as funny (IMHO), which I'm told is quite rare:
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical



ocean
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08 Dec 2022, 8:16 am

Damn...i got a thread with 8 pages of rhymes and this thread got more replies than i did...haha...nice limerik though :D


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DeathFlowerKing
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08 Dec 2022, 12:11 pm

Glad you guys liked it, and I appreciate the constructive criticism. :)



ToughDiamond
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08 Dec 2022, 1:02 pm

^
The meter problem is fixable, or you could always claim it was a freeform limerick. I'm never sure when I see irregular meter whether the poet meant it that way or not. My problem is the opposite when I write songs. I'm too rigid with meter and rhyme.



DeathFlowerKing
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08 Dec 2022, 1:10 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
^
The meter problem is fixable, or you could always claim it was a freeform limerick. I'm never sure when I see irregular meter whether the poet meant it that way or not. My problem is the opposite when I write songs. I'm too rigid with meter and rhyme.


Honestly it was just something that popped into my head at the spur of the moment. I don't really write a lot of poetry but I can try to touch it up. :)



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08 Dec 2022, 1:49 pm

^
You're doing a lot better than me when I was at a similar stage with my songwriting.