Poem I wrote (can I get your opinions?)

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So I wrote this poem while depressed and would like your opinions as well as constructive criticism as I would like to improve it and submit it to my school paper anonymously.

I don't know why I attempt to impress people
or why I try to fit in in
I just wish they could understand me
and include me so that I can be seen with them.
They don't know how they make me feel
They haven't cried at night.
They haven't been forced to hate the world
And hope to never have sleep murdered by light.
They don't understand my differences
nor do they try.
There eyes are blinded by their views
of what is wrong and what is right.

They don't realize how I just need their approval
and that I just want to be liked
I just want to feel normal
Be happy when I go to sleep at night.
I just want to feel loved
Loved by all my wanted friends
But how can that ever happen
When I am not cool enough for them.

I want to change the world
And show them they were wrong.
They then will want my approval
And I could finally get what I had longed.
But is it right to get it that way?
Are they even really my friends?
In reality they are there only for my name.
Realizing that makes me more depressed.
At times ignorance is bliss, but other times it is hell.
But I would rather know I have true friends, than believe in imaginary tales.

As constructive criticism, i would either attempt to be less straightforward, use metaphors stuff like that. If u want to write straightforward poetry like u currently have, i would use an example rather than generalized statements. For examples of straightforward, but exampled poetry, read bukowski poetry. His is the only poetry i really read, so i can't give u any others.


I'm not a big poetry person though.

As a poet and teacher, I'll tell you that your piece does not work as a poem. It needs to use at least one or two poetic devices to be a poem. Poetry is an artistic form and should be pleasing to listen to. Poetry has a flow or rhythm.

You could do the same searching and ask the same questions as an essay instead of a poem and it would be more effective. If you want to make it poetic, try listening to music... If you have a favorite song that pulls those feeling out of you, then revise your poen to fit the music. Pretend in some passages that you are writing your words as alternative lyrics.