Living in Solitude

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Living in seclusion high above the city,
I see the mass of humanity down below.
Wishing I could connect with them in some way,
I know better than to approach those I don't know.

Living in fear of how others will judge me,
Knowing that many people wish me harm,
I wish I could extend a friendly hand,
Without fear of losing my entire arm.

Living in fear of appearing rude and boorish,
I've learned to keep my heart to myself.
Loneliness and depression are all I know,
Having put my human desires on the shelf.

Living without even the basic relationships,
That many take for granted every day,
I only wish I could reach out to touch you.
If only you could show me the way.

Spot On; your poem explains alot of the angst we Aspies go through. The only difference I can see is I happen to live in the country vs an urban area

Having lived in a rural community, suburbia, and finally where I live now-- a stone's throw away from the downtown core of one of the largest cities in the Pacific Northwest-- it's remarkable to me how the sense of isolation manifests slightly differently in each of the contexts. In a rural setting, where one is quite often physically isolated, I believe the sparseness could exacerbate the problem of loneliness. However, it's a different kind of loneliness altogether when one lives in a bustling city-- more of a situation akin to "water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink". It's the exact opposite problem from the sparseness of the open countryside-- oftentimes there's too much distraction to process and too many people to be able to size up everyone (and consequently, anyone) for safe approach. Suburbia might seem a suitable middleground, but I've found that it usually depends largely on the local attitude; if it's a quiet tight-knit neighbourhood, it can be difficult for Aspies to adapt to the pertinent social norms and shibboleths. The fear of unwittingly committing some enormous social faux pas is ever-present. And generally, I find it very draining anyway, to have to masquerade my natural self and adopt behaviours which others find more conventional.

RoadWarrior7, this is a remarkable and poignant piece of poetry. It captures the essence of the alienation that accompanies AS so beautifully that I found ways in which each line resonated with my own experiences as well. Thank you for sharing.

Very well put! I think it applies to most of us on the spectrum. The only thing that helps me manage the depression and angst caused by my inability to interact with NT society is that I was already somewhat solitary and introverted by nature as a child. This made it possible for me to adapt to an almost entirely solitary life as an adult without going nuts. I find interaction with others to be very uncomfortable and difficult, so a mostly solitary life is best for me, but I still wish at times for a more normal existence. Basically we on the spectrum are caught between a rock and a hard place. It hurts to be with people, but it hurts to be without people, too. In my case, I chose and adapted to being solitary. Those who choose to try to be more involved in society have my well wishes.

I look forward to seeing more of your poems. The Force be with you, Road Warrior 7!