One fifth, is what I have hopefully lived. In the beginning I thought I had an idea of how the world worked but as I have gotten older this clarity has been quickly replaced with uncertainty. Memories of the past seem very foreign to me, as if a dream or someone elses life that I hadn't lived. I have little understanding of how others live and seem to go on living in constant perpetuation where as I seem to be just going in circles. I think too much, I've always thought too much and maybe that is the problem. However it would seem to me that these thoughts are the only thing that makes us who we are. I once wondered whether I would be remembered for who I was or for what I had thought on paper. Because it had at the time seemed to me my thoughts were in a totally different world than who I was to be. I can see now that my thoughts have been catching up to who I am to be, and discerning more control. This could be the reason for my stagnation, as my thoughts are circulatory often leading to few answers but more questions. Sometimes I attempt to control the thoughts with repiticous actions hoping to achieve a similar state of mind as in the past. To no avail do I do this as my mind is in constant evolution and for any answer I achieve several questions are added and new possible answers created. This could simply be the way life is, a constant mental construct of build and repair. I often wonder what cerebral sky scrapers are inside the other peoples minds, and how did they get there or if they are indeed there. Their constant perpetuation leaves me to think otherwise unless their efficiency system is such that they can build and repair without respute. Judging by their scenary and organizational constructs I would gander that this is also not the case. More questions, fewer answers, scattered mind inside the mist.
may 2, 2011
Hasn't really changed in a year.
28 Nov 2012, 12:17 pm
