Story/plot idea of mine - Interested in critique?

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Forestknight25N
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29 Aug 2007, 1:23 am

I developed this plot originally for an action RPG/shooter video game I'll make (once I get decent at BASIC) and I have to write a narrative for English class, so I'm going to use this story. Here's the premise. Read it if you want and tell me what you think, including critique, etc.

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AD 2062

After a massive electrical storm from outer space ravaged the planet (I haven't decided if the planet is Earth or not,) the effects of that storm awakened a special power within a percentage of the inhabitants of Kurtrask, a country in the southwestern part of Continentia. Those whose power was bestowed upon them are descendents of the Xinla, powerful humans with telekinetic power from the planet Corstachi, exiled thousands of years ago by the BIRDs, the galactic republic of systems led by the Beltunians, for violent war atrocities commited against non-Xinla. As the Xinla descendants' powers awaken, memories of oppression and exile awaken as well. The awakened descendants are known as the Righteous, and they stand for destroying anyone and anything BIRD-related, then taking over the galaxy, since they believe their way of life to be the only "true" one. Epsilon empire is formed by the Righteous, charged with conquering other nations, then other planets, and destroying BIRD planets as revenge.

Meanwhile, in the small country Londendria, in the northern part of Continentia, the adepts, other humans with special powers descended from the Beltunians. The Righteous invade Londendria and bully the adepts because they're related to the BIRDs. The adepts are less strong physically but have further refined their deeper supernatural powers. They can also use magic and spells, further angering the Righteous, whose religion forbids such abilities. Fed up with the Righteous throwing their raw power around, the adepts form the organization SERAPH (working title) charged with neutralizing the Righteous threat and bettering the lives of adepts and other people and aliens in the galaxy.

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What do you think so far.

FYI, I based the adepts on autistic and Aspergers people like myself :)



TheMidnightJudge
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29 Aug 2007, 2:27 am

I like your style. Very imaginative, like me. Do you write a lot? You'll find it can be an amazing thrill to start, but if you ever try to write a book, about mid game it gets really hard.
How long does this narrative have to be? It sounds very epic so I wouldn't use it for anything small. Also, make sure you focus on certain characters. Maybe I was the only one stupid enough to do this but, I once tried this big war story without any real heroes. It died pretty quick.