I honestly don't know how silly this piece is, but I was inspired to write it after seeing a new co-worker of mine at Blockbuster use all of the techniques outlined in the piece to sell a product. Any comments are appreciated.
Great American Cocksucker
Quote:
In the tall grass and weeds, a rustling sound is heard. Shuttling itself through the fauna, a long, slender form propels itself across the damp mud. Invisible to anyone not located directly overhead, the figure stealthily slithers towards his prey; a vunerable, beautiful doe gently lapping at a cool stream. He approaches slowly and silently, waiting for the moment upon which he can strike at the doe’s neck, injecting her with his venom and bringing her down to the dirt, where he can make off with the spoils of her corpse.
This deceitful, stealthy predator is the Great American Cocksucker. Every day one can see him amongst the general populace, covering himself with the camouflage of politeness and pleasantry. His smile is wide and inviting, and his eyes never leave yours. His gestures are smooth and calming, and he exudes a vague air of authority. He uses flattering speech to make people feel at ease, and to trust him. If he can, he presents small gifts that further reduce the guard of the prey. Then he strikes.
A wary observer can point out all the characteristics of the Great American Cocksucker. But usually, it is difficult to poke through his shield of deception if he is directly encountered. Even the sharpest of minds can be drawn in, as his cloak is very thick, and constantly shifting. A key aspect of the Great American Cocksucker is that he relies upon the tendency for people to have poor memory. He can constantly change his shape, his background, his life; as long as people cannot remember what he said the week prior. One day he’s been in the army for four years, was a technician for Abrams, and just recently got discharged, returning himself to the working world to fund his college studies. The next day he is a budding writer, having interned at a publisher, and he’s finished a book about World War II medics that’s “in the publishing process” and that you should look for it on shelves at the beginning of the next fiscal quarter.
Be careful, however, as the Cocksucker does not enjoy having his cloak cast off when he is stalking his prey. A lucid watchdog who can point out a flaw in his guise might find himself in a whirlwind of vengeful rage, as the Cocksucker will strike with extreme contempt, embarrassed at being defrocked, his useless, naked form exposed. Any person with a sense of justice who comes upon a Great American Cocksucker should exercise caution, and attempt to remove the prey from the Cocksucker’s line of sight, rather than directly exposing him. Avoiding an encounter with the Cocksucker is strongly advised.
16 Mar 2007, 7:14 pm
