My cheating Ex texted me on dating app

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The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Feb 2019, 11:53 am

I had her blocked everywhere, except on that dating app where we first met, the ex gf who I have been with for 2 years and ended up cheating me.

Yesterday at 8:26 pm, she sent:
“How are you?”

Then after 10 mins:
“Sorry for asking,I know you doing well..just take care always..”

I didn’t reply.

And she changed her profile pics to quote images, recently added,
some of the quotes are:
“lt’s so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.” (image of girl on beach crying).

and “I tried to hate you but the only thing I hated is how much I loved you”

“No I am not ok, I miss you”

You get the idea, she posted like 10+ of those.

And the one I found the most assholy insulting hint was this one:

Image

She is referring to the moment I cried a bit when I asked her “what did I really mean to you all this time?”, It feels like mocking.

Jerky move....she is an expert in emotional abuse with her ‘hidden messages’, playing the victim, trying to justify her cheating.

I blocked her there but she really ruined my day, I remember everything all over again.

Why is she doing that? Probably seeking for a forgiveness closure.

I will not give her that.



Magna
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11 Feb 2019, 12:14 pm

Quit "cold turkey". Don't get sucked back in.


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IsabellaLinton
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11 Feb 2019, 12:21 pm

She wants you to reply, so she'll feel desirable. It's all about her. Just ignore it.



Amity
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11 Feb 2019, 12:58 pm

Best ignored, if i were to guess... this is about meeting her emotional wants, at your cost, again.



AngelRho
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11 Feb 2019, 2:06 pm

I agree with all of the above.

Ghost her.



BenderRodriguez
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11 Feb 2019, 2:30 pm

Trying to see if she can still pull your strings and is probably pissed off you don't seem to care and are not in pieces over what happened. Or maybe the other guy dumped her. Going for some emotional blackmail there too with the "I tried to hate you" like you're the one who did some awful thing to her and need to be forgiven.

Either way, it doesn't matter and ignoring her is the healthiest thing for you and incidentally, also the one that will annoy her the most :)


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smudge
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11 Feb 2019, 2:32 pm

AngelRho wrote:
I agree with all of the above.

Ghost her.


+ 1.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Feb 2019, 2:59 pm

What annoys me most is the modified story she told others about my crying (this happened before others come), the roommate told me she is saying I cried because I wanted to return to her and she’s telling everyone that verion (which makes me sound like a spinless desperate case), which is a big lie, it was because I was ultimately disgusted and disappointed, it was me who broke up with her.

But I probably shouldn’t care, after all her social circle is no longer part of my life; I strongly believe now she is an extreme case of a pathological liar, and super good at it.



smudge
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11 Feb 2019, 3:39 pm

I think apart from cheating on someone or loving someone else, ghosting is one of the most hurtful things you could do to someone. Not a sound or reaction of any kind out of you, will get to her. You're doing well to teach her a lesson. Whether she learns or not is another matter.

I mean, the men who I've got to know who have ghosted me, I've never forgotten. IMO it gives one a kind of power that somehow makes them seem abusive without them even doing anything. It's a weird one, it's a part of human nature I've never understood.



Skilpadde
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11 Feb 2019, 3:54 pm

Maybe she wants to feel wanted.

Maybe she wants you to talk to her, so she can tell herself she didn't do anything wrong.

Either way, you should just ghost her. Don't let her get what she wants.
If I received those messages, I would block and delete unread.


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ON A BREAK!


smudge
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11 Feb 2019, 4:08 pm

smudge wrote:
I think apart from cheating on someone or loving someone else, ghosting is one of the most hurtful things you could do to someone. Not a sound or reaction of any kind out of you, will get to her. You're doing well to teach her a lesson. Whether she learns or not is another matter.

I mean, the men who I've got to know who have ghosted me, I've never forgotten. IMO it gives one a kind of power that somehow makes them seem abusive without them even doing anything. It's a weird one, it's a part of human nature I've never understood.


Just to clarify, what I meant by the above post is that you are getting to her and she deserves it. I was mentioning how hurtful ghosting is and that she's reacting now to it because you have power over her.



TheSpectrum
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11 Feb 2019, 4:35 pm

She knows she's behaved reprehensibly and wants you to be on talking terms to remove her guilt and accountability.
There's also the possibility she can't handle the idea of you moving on, when it was meant to be her ditching you.

These are kid games, Boo. Do what the others have said and ghost her. She might not learn anything from this but she'll never learn if no lesson is being taught. Don't respond, continue to focus on you, man.


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AngelRho
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11 Feb 2019, 4:46 pm

smudge wrote:
smudge wrote:
I think apart from cheating on someone or loving someone else, ghosting is one of the most hurtful things you could do to someone. Not a sound or reaction of any kind out of you, will get to her. You're doing well to teach her a lesson. Whether she learns or not is another matter.

I mean, the men who I've got to know who have ghosted me, I've never forgotten. IMO it gives one a kind of power that somehow makes them seem abusive without them even doing anything. It's a weird one, it's a part of human nature I've never understood.


Just to clarify, what I meant by the above post is that you are getting to her and she deserves it. I was mentioning how hurtful ghosting is and that she's reacting now to it because you have power over her.

Oh, I believe ghosting is near-universally wrong. When I suggest doing it, what I’m saying is no good can possibly come with any further contact with that person. Boo was cheated on MULTIPLE times and she continued the relationship. I don’t think Boo owes her ANYTHING after that. I think Boo would have to be insane to reconcile with her if she wanted to change and come back. The best way Boo will heal from this is by NO CONTACT.

I will say this, though...it’s been a few weeks now. I think Boo should at least meet up with girls—as FRIENDS—and have a good time. Boo might not be able to handle it, BUT...if it were me, I would see if the roommate is single and up for a night on the town. Boo should be free to enjoy himself with good company. It doesn’t have to be something that’s going to turn into a relationship. With that possibility out of the picture, there’s little/no pressure, no expectations that aren’t strictly platonic. If a girl asks, you just say, “I’m having a little trouble getting over someone, but maybe we can be more than friends later if you still feel that way,” and then don’t leave them hanging after say, two months.



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11 Feb 2019, 4:48 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What annoys me most is the modified story she told others about my crying (this happened before others come), the roommate told me she is saying I cried because I wanted to return to her and she’s telling everyone that verion (which makes me sound like a spinless desperate case), which is a big lie, it was because I was ultimately disgusted and disappointed, it was me who broke up with her.

But I probably shouldn’t care, after all her social circle is no longer part of my life; I strongly believe now she is an extreme case of a pathological liar, and super good at it.

So you cried only in front of her and she told other people about it? :o that's not on.

The texting sounds like she doesn't like that you appear to have moved on but that's her problem.



rdos
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11 Feb 2019, 5:05 pm

A nasty story that should have no continuation, but I like the kind of hinting she does. :mrgreen: