Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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kraftiekortie
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22 May 2020, 5:12 pm

Skunk spray smells like rotten spaghetti sauce.



funeralxempire
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22 May 2020, 5:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Skunk spray smells like rotten spaghetti sauce.


Remind me not to have spaghetti at Kraftie's house. :lol:


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I work as a recall coordinator for a major car company. A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.


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22 May 2020, 5:55 pm

cyberdad wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
but I really don’t think there’s such a huge disparity between men and women who aren’t attractive trying to get a deeper relationship as seems to be implied (or in some places, outright stated) by this thread.


There are some disparities that are worth mentioning. The first is that societal expectations is for the male to approach the woman. So in the bar/coffee shop example an unattractive woman merely has sit by herself and will still be approached by men. She does not have to make an effort and she gets to choose if she wants to interact.
An unattractive man has to overcome social anxiety and the prospect of rejection in approaching any woman.

The second relates to mental health. Research suggests that men do worse physically and mentally living single, whereas women who have friends do better alone. This means most single women aren't as desperate for a "deep" relationship with a male as much as their male counterpart.

I realise you are correct that the margin of difference become less important as women become "more unattractive" and it doesn't invalidate their own struggles in finding a soulmate/true love.


That last part. I see many times that men that want to talk about or vent on how they are struggling in dating, both women and other men assume that he is invalidating the other gender's experience. Which is not true and is not fair to judge.



cyberdad
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22 May 2020, 6:29 pm

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
That last part. I see many times that men that want to talk about or vent on how they are struggling in dating, both women and other men assume that he is invalidating the other gender's experience. Which is not true and is not fair to judge.


Most girls (not all) have friends whom they can share their dating experiences with, this is a form of catharsis and helps them move on.

Most boys (even if they have friends) don't have anyone they share their rejections/loneliness with. I often wonder if this is why the ratio of young male teens committing suicide is 4:1 compared to girls.



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22 May 2020, 6:45 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Hollywood_Guy wrote:
That last part. I see many times that men that want to talk about or vent on how they are struggling in dating, both women and other men assume that he is invalidating the other gender's experience. Which is not true and is not fair to judge.


Most girls (not all) have friends whom they can share their dating experiences with, this is a form of catharsis and helps them move on.

Most boys (even if they have friends) don't have anyone they share their rejections/loneliness with. I often wonder if this is why the ratio of young male teens committing suicide is 4:1 compared to girls.


Those younger male suicide rates sure fly in the face of the more "mainstream" society narrative that females have it worse than male and always have throughout all history.



funeralxempire
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22 May 2020, 6:53 pm

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Hollywood_Guy wrote:
That last part. I see many times that men that want to talk about or vent on how they are struggling in dating, both women and other men assume that he is invalidating the other gender's experience. Which is not true and is not fair to judge.


Most girls (not all) have friends whom they can share their dating experiences with, this is a form of catharsis and helps them move on.

Most boys (even if they have friends) don't have anyone they share their rejections/loneliness with. I often wonder if this is why the ratio of young male teens committing suicide is 4:1 compared to girls.


Those younger male suicide rates sure fly in the face of the more "mainstream" society narrative that females have it worse than male and always have throughout all history.


Not really, they're a reflection of a population cohort with a strong sense of failure to meet standards in some members.

Women might have to deal with more s**t but they're not reminded all of the time about how they fail as women for not meeting certain criteria. With privilege comes expectations.


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I work as a recall coordinator for a major car company. A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.


cyberdad
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22 May 2020, 7:24 pm

To be fair girls attempt suicide at the same rate (they actually self-harm more frequently) but men are better at succeeding.

Often gender differences are over-rated, its just experiences are internalised differently.



funeralxempire
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22 May 2020, 7:25 pm

cyberdad wrote:
To be fair girls attempt suicide at the same rate (they actually self-harm more frequently) but men are better at succeeding.

Often gender differences are over-rated, its just experiences are internalised differently.


My understanding is that men succeed more, women attempt more. Men are more likely to chose methods that are more violent which tends to improve success rate.


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I work as a recall coordinator for a major car company. A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.


ProfessorJohn
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23 May 2020, 1:26 am

Fnord wrote:

It seems that some put a great deal of importance on 'luck', while others put a great deal of importance on "personal development".  Mine is the latter belief.


One can control personal development. One cannot control luck. So, putting the importance on personal development gives you a much greater feeling of control, but also a feeling of responsibility.



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23 May 2020, 3:12 am

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
but I really don’t think there’s such a huge disparity between men and women who aren’t attractive trying to get a deeper relationship as seems to be implied (or in some places, outright stated) by this thread.


There are some disparities that are worth mentioning. The first is that societal expectations is for the male to approach the woman. So in the bar/coffee shop example an unattractive woman merely has sit by herself and will still be approached by men. She does not have to make an effort and she gets to choose if she wants to interact.
An unattractive man has to overcome social anxiety and the prospect of rejection in approaching any woman.

The second relates to mental health. Research suggests that men do worse physically and mentally living single, whereas women who have friends do better alone. This means most single women aren't as desperate for a "deep" relationship with a male as much as their male counterpart.

I realise you are correct that the margin of difference become less important as women become "more unattractive" and it doesn't invalidate their own struggles in finding a soulmate/true love.


That last part. I see many times that men that want to talk about or vent on how they are struggling in dating, both women and other men assume that he is invalidating the other gender's experience. Which is not true and is not fair to judge.


I think the point of making a note of how women have struggles too is to help men realise they're not alone. Also that they don't have to feel resentful of women having it "easy", because we don't. There's nothing to feel bitter about.

Let the bitterness go and move on.

I'm still working on that myself.



hurtloam
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23 May 2020, 3:22 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Women might have to deal with more s**t but they're not reminded all of the time about how they fail as women for not meeting certain criteria. With privilege comes expectations.


I dunno. I felt like a failure at being a woman. Especially around NT women.

You feel unattractive, you think you must be too fat, your hair isn't right, you can't do your makeup and look as pretty as other women. I have wild hair that is like a bombsite. No products can fully tame it. I hate wearing nail polish it makes my nails feel weird. I hate high heels, they hurt my feet. I'm too logical to be in pain to look "attractive".

Us aspie women can be too direct and "unfeminine" in a way. We are opinionated, we love to learn facts, so we know a lot and that comes over in our conversation and makes us intimidating to men.

My house isn't as well put together as an NT woman's. I lived with an NT, she hated everything I owned.

Yes, aspie women are made to feel like failures as women. By men who don't find us attractive, or at least find us attractive, but hate our personalities so much they enjoy flirting with us, but won't introduce us to their family or friends. And by women who know how to be feminine better than us.



funeralxempire
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23 May 2020, 3:43 am

hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Women might have to deal with more s**t but they're not reminded all of the time about how they fail as women for not meeting certain criteria. With privilege comes expectations.


I dunno. I felt like a failure at being a woman. Especially around NT women.

You feel unattractive, you think you must be too fat, your hair isn't right, you can't do your makeup and look as pretty as other women. I have wild hair that is like a bombsite. No products can fully tame it. I hate wearing nail polish it makes my nails feel weird. I hate high heels, they hurt my feet. I'm too logical to be in pain to look "attractive".

Us aspie women can be too direct and "unfeminine" in a way. We are opinionated, we love to learn facts, so we know a lot and that comes over in our conversation and makes us intimidating to men.

My house isn't as well put together as an NT woman's. I lived with an NT, she hated everything I owned.

Yes, aspie women are made to feel like failures as women. By men who don't find us attractive, or at least find us attractive, but hate our personalities so much they enjoy flirting with us, but won't introduce us to their family or friends. And by women who know how to be feminine better than us.


For what it's worth I'm not suggesting that aspie women can't/won't feel that way as well but at the same time that it's not necessarily as driven by society constantly reminding as (yet again) almost en masse ignoring in the same way some other issues get focused on much more when they involve and impact men.

I might be wrong since I've never lived as a woman that I'm aware of. :? (yes, I'm also confused by that last clause)


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I work as a recall coordinator for a major car company. A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.


hurtloam
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23 May 2020, 3:49 am

funeralxempire wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Women might have to deal with more s**t but they're not reminded all of the time about how they fail as women for not meeting certain criteria. With privilege comes expectations.


I dunno. I felt like a failure at being a woman. Especially around NT women.

You feel unattractive, you think you must be too fat, your hair isn't right, you can't do your makeup and look as pretty as other women. I have wild hair that is like a bombsite. No products can fully tame it. I hate wearing nail polish it makes my nails feel weird. I hate high heels, they hurt my feet. I'm too logical to be in pain to look "attractive".

Us aspie women can be too direct and "unfeminine" in a way. We are opinionated, we love to learn facts, so we know a lot and that comes over in our conversation and makes us intimidating to men.

My house isn't as well put together as an NT woman's. I lived with an NT, she hated everything I owned.

Yes, aspie women are made to feel like failures as women. By men who don't find us attractive, or at least find us attractive, but hate our personalities so much they enjoy flirting with us, but won't introduce us to their family or friends. And by women who know how to be feminine better than us.


For what it's worth I'm not suggesting that aspie women can't/won't feel that way as well but at the same time that it's not necessarily as driven by society constantly reminding as (yet again) almost en masse ignoring in the same way some other issues get focused on much more when they involve and impact men.

I might be wrong since I've never lived as a woman that I'm aware of. :? (yes, I'm also confused by that last clause)


Yes, you're wrong. You have no idea what it's like to be a woman and having society tell you to be a way that you can't be.

You don't have Aunts asking, "have you found a boyfriend YET?" In your 30s like you're failling to meet a goal in normal human life.

You don't have older women telling you that, "you're just too independent", or "if you are a loving person you will draw love to you".



funeralxempire
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23 May 2020, 4:01 am

hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Women might have to deal with more s**t but they're not reminded all of the time about how they fail as women for not meeting certain criteria. With privilege comes expectations.


I dunno. I felt like a failure at being a woman. Especially around NT women.

You feel unattractive, you think you must be too fat, your hair isn't right, you can't do your makeup and look as pretty as other women. I have wild hair that is like a bombsite. No products can fully tame it. I hate wearing nail polish it makes my nails feel weird. I hate high heels, they hurt my feet. I'm too logical to be in pain to look "attractive".

Us aspie women can be too direct and "unfeminine" in a way. We are opinionated, we love to learn facts, so we know a lot and that comes over in our conversation and makes us intimidating to men.

My house isn't as well put together as an NT woman's. I lived with an NT, she hated everything I owned.

Yes, aspie women are made to feel like failures as women. By men who don't find us attractive, or at least find us attractive, but hate our personalities so much they enjoy flirting with us, but won't introduce us to their family or friends. And by women who know how to be feminine better than us.


For what it's worth I'm not suggesting that aspie women can't/won't feel that way as well but at the same time that it's not necessarily as driven by society constantly reminding as (yet again) almost en masse ignoring in the same way some other issues get focused on much more when they involve and impact men.

I might be wrong since I've never lived as a woman that I'm aware of. :? (yes, I'm also confused by that last clause)


Yes, you're wrong. You have no idea what it's like to be a woman and having society tell you to be a way that you can't be.

You don't have Aunts asking, "have you found a boyfriend YET?" In your 30s like you're failling to meet a goal in normal human life.

You don't have older women telling you that, "you're just too independent", or "if you are a loving person you will draw love to you".


Ugg, work moms are so out of touch with that experience, I really need to talk to more women with asd. :mrgreen:

I mean, if they're interested... :oops:


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I work as a recall coordinator for a major car company. A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.


Benjamin the Donkey
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23 May 2020, 4:03 am

hurtloam wrote:
Us aspie women can be too direct and "unfeminine" in a way. We are opinionated, we love to learn facts, so we know a lot and that comes over in our conversation and makes us intimidating to men.


Not intimidating at all to me. I much prefer this kind of woman to the typical girly-girl. In fact, the women I'm most often attracted to are frequently mistakenly assumed to be lesbians or at least bi.


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Last edited by Benjamin the Donkey on 23 May 2020, 4:05 am, edited 1 time in total.