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KT67
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23 Feb 2021, 8:26 am

The thing is - I'm not a dad.

I'm a distant uncle. No better than a teenage one. I know how to prevent my nephew from falling in the pond by telling him not to run, getting him to play football with me instead of being naughty. But adult responsibility and parenting? I can't do it. Only things where I do have a lot more maturity than my eldest nephew is - helping him out with uni stuff & getting into uni etc. Academia is where I feel comfortable advising people.

She has a severely autistic kid and one with behaviour problems. She's constantly terrified CPS will take them off her.

I'm not mature enough for that.

If I have anyone at all, I need someone relatively 'fresh'. Someone who's just left their parents and who's learning how to cook and clean and all that. That's where I am in life.

She said if she told the police that she got beaten up by her husband, the kids would get taken away even though she doesn't live with her husband anymore. I have no way of verifying if that's true or not. Seems odd to me.

She said if CPS finds out she was drinking around the kids, the kids would get taken away form her. Seems odd to me. In the 90s, my stepdad could drink around me, get drunk around me, even offer me watered down wine. Nobody took me away.

She told me if CPS found out that her son hit her, the kids would get taken away cos she 'can't handle them'. That seems odd to me too. Surely she can handle them better than anyone else...

Way too much responsibility for me! I don't know the first thing about all this stuff. Even though we're around the same age.

I think aspies age slower but also, my little cousin wouldn't be prepared for a guy with this much baggage. She's only just in the 'get married, set up home together' stage at 30. People age slower these days in my family's social sphere.

I think her husband still has her brainwashed tbh. I don't think anything bad would happen if she told the police on him, he'd get arrested & she'd be fine.


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nick007
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Age: 38
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

25 Feb 2021, 10:25 am

From what I've seen on this site & other places online a bit of Aspie women have had successful relationships with NT guys who are a bit or a lot older than them. It seems to be less common for Aspie men with older NT women thou. As for as why I think it can be a various combo of things like traditional gender roles of the guys being the providers & the women taking care of the house & kids, guys being more focused on physical beauty & sex than women are, guys feeling a need to be protective of women, & sometimes guys wanting or feeling a need to take charge & be in control. The last one is the one that can potentially be most dangerous if the guys are predatory & abusive.

Things are different for Aspie guys with NT women thou which is why I think in general it is better for Aspie guys to be with younger NT women than NT women who are older than them. It's common for NT women with Aspie guys to feel like she is the Aspie's mom or caretaker. This leads to the women feeling resentful of their Aspie & the Aspies feel resentful at being treated like children. At the risk of sounding sexist I notice that is common with NT couples where the women are the same age or even slightly younger than their NT guy. That might be cuz I'm from the deep south. Some women are brought up there being taught that women are supposed to mange the household stuff, manage the kids, take care of their guy, & nowadays have a real job on top of all that so the couple won't be dirt poor due to income inequality. The women take on a bunch of stuff that some guys never asked or really expected them to do going into their relationship but the women take over anyways & then start to resent the guy because the women voluntarily decided to take over things. That makes a lot of sense NOT :ncool: When the guys try to step up more sometimes the women insists on doing it believing that the guy will not do it rite or that the guy really does not want to do it. Sometimes the women refer to the guys like he is her kid. They say things like I need to go home back to my two kids when the woman only has one kid & a husband. I notice that with my mom & the women in my extended family. My mom very often griped about me being dependent but she did not do a good job of teaching me independence. She was very critical of the way I did stuff cuz she wanted things done her way instead of a way that would of worked well for me but still would of been done OK. She'd take over or redo things after me cuz I would not do them rite. Either way she was gonna be upset & since it was much easier for me just to let her do the stuff that's what I did. How can she know for sure that I can not learn to do stuff if I never have a chance to prove it. My girlfriend noticed that about my mom too. My dad asks my mom about how she wants things when she is around that he is perfectly capable of doing on his own. My mom gets upset with him for asking sometimes but she also sometimes gets upset with him for doing it wrong :roll: This is why when I was single & lonely I really only focused on looking for women who were my age or younger or even a lot younger instead of seeking out women who were older than me. I NEVER want my partner to resent me. I want my partner to make me feel needed & appreciated instead of making me feel like I'm a burden. For the record I have no problem with women taking charge & taking over lots of things if her & her guy are both OK with that but that dynamic does not work for me.


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