Women Are Rarely Direct With You About Not Being Interested

Page 5 of 8 [ 114 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next

Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 509
Location: State of Euphoria

05 May 2021, 11:02 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
I was saddened last weekend because I asked out a woman that really caught my eye. I felt so nervous. Then she informs me that she is married. :oops:

I see no way to recover from that transaction. I have to stay away now or otherwise there is just trouble IMHO. If I had just seen a ring on a finger, something really eye-catching, then maybe I could have been more subdued and just exchanged information and made conversation... and she could have introduced me to one of her friends...
When I ask out a woman who I quickly find out is married, I react to it like I would to stepping in dog poop: a messy but mostly honest mistake. I put on a sheepish look, say "oh ok, sorry, I'm sure your husband is a good man", and promptly and politely exit the situation.

Also, the ex post facto clause applies. In other words, I'm not at fault for pursuing a taken woman if I didn't know it at the time and she didn't tell me. That happened on a cruise in the fall of 2019, a few months before the Election Infection. I met a woman onboard, and we flirted massively! We exchanged Facebook contacts before debarkation. I learned from her profile that she was engaged. Oops! :oops:

AprilR wrote:
These women are not having fun "leading people on". They might just be scared of saying no because they are not used to it. They might be scared of being tracked down, assaulted and raped in the worst case. Violence against women who want to divorce /break up are very common in my country. I don't think it is completely unheard of in America or the West either.
That's very untrue in America. Women initiate 70% to 90% of the divorces here, and they make a handsome profit from them. A woman get the house, the car,the kids, the family pets, the child support, the alimony, and 50% of her husband's money in the bank. A man ends living in poverty, in a crappy apartment (UK: flat) in a rough neighborhood, and still paying the alimony and the child support. All because his ex-wife stopped feeling attracted to him. Granted, there are legitimately necessary divorces, but most are frivolous.


I reacted well. "I'm so sorry," and she accepted my apology, and I thought I handled things about as well as I could, like you said not my fault, not knowing. Then as I was leaving her story--trying to complete my getaway from the "scene of the crime" :lol: she calls out: "Sir, you forgot your package!"

Oh yeah, that was my pretext for coming in the shop, wasn't it? 8O I was glad to get the package though. It was my consolation prize.

As for women making out well in divorce -- Well, of course. And yes, people divorce pretty casually for whatever reasons- adultery being common, and the instigating factor in my marriage, and I was not at fault. Even in states that even care about adultery anymore, even there you have to prove it, I guess with semen stains on a bedsheet or hidden camera video?

The person that gets the raw end of the stick is the one that earned the most income. I don't know how often that is the woman or whether courts actually are impartial as to gender. It seems to me the woman will always be favored in court in any case unless there are truly egregious circumstances. We live in an anti-man society now.


_________________
Just a few of my favorite things: music, chess, weather.


AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,706

05 May 2021, 12:06 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:


That sounds opposite to Arabs, education is taken very seriously here, even by not-very-educated parents.
In Saudi Arabia for instance, 80% of young girls are interested in STEM fields, 60% of STEM graduates are women.

But it is not uncommon to encounter school-level educated CEOs, founding a business is mostly about connections and socializing.


Quote:
According to a report prepared by the Saudi Education Ministry, girls accounted for 57 percent of undergraduates for the year 2015-2016 in the Kingdom.
That same year, women outnumbered men in graduating with a bachelor’s in biology, information technology (IT), mathematics and statistics, and physics.
According to a survey Alakeel recently conducted on social media, “almost 80 percent of (Saudi) girls were keen to study STEM, but securing a job after the degree remains the challenge,” she said.
Maha Al-Taleb, 22, graduated earlier this year with a degree in technology from KSU, specializing in IT networks and security.
“It’s common for girls in the Kingdom to opt for STEM education,” said Al-Taleb, who now works in a public sector company in Riyadh as a junior information security analyst.
“Saudi women are ambitious. We’re acquiring high degrees and seeking successful careers. I don’t know why the world assumes that Saudi women are a backward tribal species who have no say in these matters. This entire perception is flawed.


https://www.arabnews.com/node/1469381


Very interesting. I also heard that in Iran, education is considered very important for women and most people can speak english. It's nice to see another Middle eastern person here btw.



quite an extreme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2018
Age: 321
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,909
Location: Germany

05 May 2021, 1:45 pm

I may be wrong but I think it's just for friendzoning more guys because they are measuring their own attractivity on that and may be their social state. Not even few women like to rely on other people for their own advantages even if they don't consider them for mating. They can't keep a guy around them once they are rejecting him pretty harsh. If they are really disliking a guy then most women are pretty direct. In the end it's up to the guys to make themself their toys until they find someone really hot. Right?


_________________
I am as I am. :skull: :sunny: :wink: :sunny: :skull: Life has to be an adventure!


browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

05 May 2021, 3:05 pm

I think this is interesting. Men in my experience are also not direct. For example, if you only want to have sex, why not say so? Why pretend there is an interest in me? Just be direct. Out of 100 hundred women, at least one will just want to have sex. I do not like games in order to determine interest. Men find my directness uncomfortable, as I say upfront I don't have sex with people I don't love or that I need for things to move slowly. I am also honest that we either connect or we don't, so for me, I just prefer to hang out as friends and see if there is anything there without the pressure of anything. I think being indirect and using manipulation as a means to access sex or intimacy or attention or whatever is not something that is sex-based. You are either honest and direct or not. Men or women engage in this.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 48,832
Location: Stendec

05 May 2021, 3:16 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
I think this is interesting. Men in my experience are also not direct. For example, if you only want to have sex, why not say so? [..]
Because saying, "Hey, y'wanna f███?" is just plain rude, and "Shall we engage in mutual coital activity?" seems too damned formal, even for me.


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Atrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

05 May 2021, 3:24 pm

The English speaking world as a whole is by & large rubbish at innuendo. We've been very poorly equipped linguistically.


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,734
Location: I'm right here

05 May 2021, 3:30 pm

If she never makes an effort to get back to you that's being direct, she's not interested.


_________________
politics is dumb but very important
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

05 May 2021, 3:32 pm

That means a lot of us are more direct than we're ever given credit for! :lol:


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

05 May 2021, 3:44 pm

Fnord wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
I think this is interesting. Men in my experience are also not direct. For example, if you only want to have sex, why not say so? [..]
Because saying, "Hey, y'wanna f███?" is just plain rude, and "Shall we engage in mutual coital activity?" seems too damned formal, even for me.


If you are on tinder it's easy to say, I am just looking to hook up or friends with benefits. Short and simple! Don't manipulate to get into anyone's pants.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 509
Location: State of Euphoria

05 May 2021, 4:33 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
I think this is interesting. Men in my experience are also not direct. For example, if you only want to have sex, why not say so? Why pretend there is an interest in me? Just be direct. Out of 100 hundred women, at least one will just want to have sex. I do not like games in order to determine interest. Men find my directness uncomfortable, as I say upfront I don't have sex with people I don't love or that I need for things to move slowly. I am also honest that we either connect or we don't, so for me, I just prefer to hang out as friends and see if there is anything there without the pressure of anything. I think being indirect and using manipulation as a means to access sex or intimacy or attention or whatever is not something that is sex-based. You are either honest and direct or not. Men or women engage in this.


I do not personally know any straight guys that are only interested in sex and do not want a relationship. Granted, I don't know many people that well. I read that all the time on women's profiles and it seems to be this stereotype that women have about men.

I know about three straight guys well. Me, my brother, and boss. So that's the world as I am aware of it. All of us are relationship-oriented, even my brother that never married. He has been with a woman that is about twenty years older for the last 5 years or so.

What I suspect happens is that guys are willing to date and spend time with women they don't actually like and are not even that much attracted to, in order to have sex, because they find that exciting.

That seems risky / unfair to me though, and at any rate I get attached to people and really feel bad about cutting things off.

I met a woman two months ago that I was not attracted to. For one thing, she opened up a bottle of liquor 5 minutes into the date. Anyone that knows of me on this forum knows how I feel about drinking. That, to me, was a deal-breaker. I don't know of anything else that could trigger me so fast as that. I mean, 5 minutes into the first date.

However, I felt bad about telling her no more dates and cutting things off, because in other ways she seemed nice, and also, she has a pretty good body.

I am now slowly getting involved on a friendship level with a woman I am not attracted to, but I have kept that as clear as I can and have not led her on or played any games. I simply feel the need for a friend. I've always been honest I think, including in my profiles.


_________________
Just a few of my favorite things: music, chess, weather.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 75,808
Location: Queens, NYC

05 May 2021, 4:45 pm

I am a man who can only make love with a woman with whom I have a high regard.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

05 May 2021, 4:56 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
I think this is interesting. Men in my experience are also not direct. For example, if you only want to have sex, why not say so? Why pretend there is an interest in me? Just be direct. Out of 100 hundred women, at least one will just want to have sex. I do not like games in order to determine interest. Men find my directness uncomfortable, as I say upfront I don't have sex with people I don't love or that I need for things to move slowly. I am also honest that we either connect or we don't, so for me, I just prefer to hang out as friends and see if there is anything there without the pressure of anything. I think being indirect and using manipulation as a means to access sex or intimacy or attention or whatever is not something that is sex-based. You are either honest and direct or not. Men or women engage in this.


I do not personally know any straight guys that are only interested in sex and do not want a relationship. Granted, I don't know many people that well. I read that all the time on women's profiles and it seems to be this stereotype that women have about men.



I know about three straight guys well. Me, my brother, and boss. So that's the world as I am aware of it. All of us are relationship-oriented, even my brother that never married. He has been with a woman that is about twenty years older for the last 5 years or so.

What I suspect happens is that guys are willing to date and spend time with women they don't actually like and are not even that much attracted to, in order to have sex, because they find that exciting.

That seems risky / unfair to me though, and at any rate I get attached to people and really feel bad about cutting things off.

I met a woman two months ago that I was not attracted to. For one thing, she opened up a bottle of liquor 5 minutes into the date. Anyone that knows of me on this forum knows how I feel about drinking. That, to me, was a deal-breaker. I don't know of anything else that could trigger me so fast as that. I mean, 5 minutes into the first date.

However, I felt bad about telling her no more dates and cutting things off, because in other ways she seemed nice, and also, she has a pretty good body.

I am now slowly getting involved on a friendship level with a woman I am not attracted to, but I have kept that as clear as I can and have not led her on or played any games. I simply feel the need for a friend. I've always been honest I think, including in my profiles.


Hi, I don't mean to imply that men are like this, I mean that people are like this in general for lots of things, sex, money, attention, intimacy, and so on. They are just not direct. It's to me not about sex, it's about the person. I have experienced this and because I am so honest and direct it is really painful when someone is pushing you into something through manipulation regardless of what it is. I also don't like drinking, dishonest too is a major turn-off overtly or covertly. I realize that in general I more direct than most people anyway, so I might prefer this more than other people. My BF I think appreciates it. If I am being honest I think everyone that loves me does and may love me for this reason.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 75,808
Location: Queens, NYC

05 May 2021, 4:59 pm

I'm sure he appreciates it; he's your boyfriend :)



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 135

05 May 2021, 5:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm sure he appreciates it; he's your boyfriend :)


For now haha at least :wink:


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 104,840
Location: Canada in person, Germany in spirit

05 May 2021, 10:55 pm

I've known some women to be very direct with guys that they're not interested in.


_________________
Peabody

Om Nom 2024

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 509
Location: State of Euphoria

06 May 2021, 4:08 am

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Hi, I don't mean to imply that men are like this, I mean that people are like this in general for lots of things, sex, money, attention, intimacy, and so on. They are just not direct. It's to me not about sex, it's about the person. I have experienced this and because I am so honest and direct it is really painful when someone is pushing you into something through manipulation regardless of what it is. I also don't like drinking, dishonest too is a major turn-off overtly or covertly. I realize that in general I more direct than most people anyway, so I might prefer this more than other people. My BF I think appreciates it. If I am being honest I think everyone that loves me does and may love me for this reason.


Oh yah people do seem to be great manipulators although they sometimes succeed in deceiving also themselves along with their prey. It is the way to success as a liar, to actually believe in the lie, and at the point it has a certain amount of truth in it. The line gets blurry...

I have also noticed that women work in a metaphorical wedding ring into conversation early on. "Wedding ring" is just symbolic shorthand for "I am taken," not necessarily legal marriage. For instance the above, "My BF I think appreciates it." I often find that women I am talking to will mention their husband pretty early in any conversation with me. What are the odds, you think, that this is a coincidence? :lol:


_________________
Just a few of my favorite things: music, chess, weather.