How Much Do You Think Looks Matter In Dating?

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How Much Do You Think Looks Matter In Dating?
They're the only thing that matters 7%  7%  [ 2 ]
They matter a lot 31%  31%  [ 9 ]
They matter somewhat 55%  55%  [ 16 ]
They don't matter very much 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
They don't matter at all 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 29

Muse933277
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08 May 2021, 11:12 am

In your opinion, how much do you think looks matter in dating?


I'll give my opinion on the subject.

Individual people have individual preferences and for some people, looks matter a lot while for other people, looks don't matter that much at all. BUT, I would say for the vast majority of people, they are taking into account a potential romantic prospect's physical attractiveness to determine whether or not they are dating material. In fact for many people, an individual's level of physical attractiveness is perhaps one of the most important attributes we're looking for, whether we care to admit to it or not.

This is my theory on how many people choose romantic partners. When we meet someone for the first time, we know within 3-5 seconds of looking at them whether or not we're physically attracted to that person, and only if we find the person attractive will we take their personality, values, compatibility, into consideration. If we find someone UNATTRACTIVE, then the opposite will occur. It doesn't matter how nice they are, how much you two have in common; because the physical attraction isn't there, we'll likely never see them as potential romantic options.

And yes some people will argue that personality and spark matters more than looks BUT here's another theory. We find people who we find more physically attractive to have better personalities and we see ourselves as having more of a spark with them, NOT because they actually have a better personality but because our attraction to them colors our perception of them. This is also the same reason why an ugly person could be nice to you, but you don't feel a "spark" with them, where's if an attractive person displayed the save behaviors towards you, you're more likely to feel a connection.



On the topic of whether or not men or women care more about looks, this is my take. In the past when women didn't have as many rights and were more likely to stay at home and look after the kids, looks mattered less and it was more about a man's financial security. However with the rise of feminism, women are starting to enter the working world and are making just as much money as men and no longer need a man who makes a lot of money to support them or the kids. In societies where women are working and are making equal income to men, a man's earning potential matters less and his physical attractiveness matters more. Combine this with the rise of online dating, where women are becoming more and more picky simply because they now have an abundance of options, that pre-online dating women didn't have.

So in a way, ugly men are the losers feminism and online dating. An ugly man's value in the dating market was his earning potential but if women are starting to care less about money and more about looks, then ugly men lose their biggest weapon.



kraftiekortie
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08 May 2021, 2:08 pm

Looks are somewhat important.....more so in younger people.

As for me, personality is more important than looks.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 May 2021, 3:35 pm

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08 May 2021, 5:09 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Personality is more important than looks.


I concur.


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cyberdad
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08 May 2021, 7:51 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Image


Yeah I was thinking the same...



Muse933277
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08 May 2021, 8:35 pm

Personality SHOULD matter more than looks but let's be honest, the person has to find you somewhat physically attractive before they'll even consider you as a potential romantic prospect.


Maybe it's different when you're old and past your physical prime, but when you're young, you're looking at the pretty girls and those are the women you consider as potential romantic partners. For obese woman, you're probably not even considering them, no matter how "nice" they are. That's just the reality of dating; a lot of it IS looks.


I WISH that people cared more about personality because there's a lot of really attractive women who would NOT make good girlfriends or wives. Some women are so attractive, they can get away with having some major personality or behavioral issues, yet many guys will still want them because they are pretty. Meanwhile there's many average or even below average looking men and women who are great people but get overlooked because of their appearance.



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08 May 2021, 8:44 pm

When I was single, I found most women within the appropriate age group for me to date attractive, but not all. I regret to say I would not have considered those I did not find attractive as dates. I wish I could say looks didn't matter but they did. Probably the most unfair thing in life.


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cyberdad
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08 May 2021, 8:46 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
Some women are so attractive, they can get away with having some major personality or behavioral issues, yet many guys will still want them because they are pretty. Meanwhile there's many average or even below average looking men and women who are great people but get overlooked because of their appearance.


Yes especially in the social media era where there is a link between unhealthy narcissistic traits being exacerbated and physical attractiveness. I think in the "average" stakes, many average looking women are actually what men want when they get married/long term relationships.

Attractive women spurn average men until they want to settle down and have kids then they look at their bank accounts.



nick007
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08 May 2021, 10:36 pm

I'm not sure how to vote in this poll. Looks do not matter at all to me with relationships but I have some vision problems & prosopagnosia on top of it. I care about other things instead of looks like personality traits. However I am very well aware that looks are very important to LOTS of others for dating & romantic relationships. If I was voting for myself personally, I would vote for "They don't matter at all" However if I am voting for in general like the average they are in society at large, I would be torn between "They matter a lot" & "They matter somewhat"


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Texasmoneyman300
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09 May 2021, 2:40 am

Looks matter a lot to me but they are not the most important thing for me.



MaxE
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09 May 2021, 6:32 am

MaxE wrote:
When I was single, I found most women within the appropriate age group for me to date attractive, but not all. I regret to say I would not have considered those I did not find attractive as dates. I wish I could say looks didn't matter but they did. Probably the most unfair thing in life.

Unable to edit, but one more point I wanted to make. Women who have no doubt they are attractive have no trouble engaging in casual sex (if we can all agree as to the close association of sex with dating) because they have no fear as they can dump any guy they have had sex with if no longer interested. OTOH a woman with ordinary looks will often distrust any guy who comes on to her, in the belief the guy simply wants to user her for sex then dump her, whereas being used for sex isn't a major concern for the super-attractive woman. This has the ironic effect that men may avoid making overtures to ordinary-looking women because they will have to deal with that issue. In my experience sex usually begins soon after the couple meet, or it never happens (unlike in the movies) and at that point the guy can't be expected to know that he wants to marry the woman. Then when the relationship fails, the woman will go around forever after saying "that jerk just used me for sex!". In which case a guy will limit himself to attractive ladies because that is less likely to happen, in fact the woman will probably dump him first and won't feel any guilt about it.

I would say to all women regardless of looks: If a guy shows interest and you also feel physically attracted to him, go ahead and have sex with him, in fact be the first to propose it if he hesitates. Better you use HIM for sex. Of course I know very few women on this site will take that advice.

BTW my response to the poll was "matters somewhat".


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amykitten
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09 May 2021, 6:54 am

MaxE wrote:
I would say to all women regardless of looks: If a guy shows interest and you also feel physically attracted to him, go ahead and have sex with him, in fact be the first to propose it if he hesitates. Better you use HIM for sex. Of course I know very few women on this site will take that advice.


The problem with that is the emotional attatchment that comes with the sex for me. I have done the whole one night stands and friends with benefits, but I, like many other women get to emotionally invested in it and it generally ends in heartache for one party.

Do I think looks matter in a relationship? Of course. I won't date anyone with a beard, and everyone seems to have a type or preferences. That said I need some common interests and them to be intelligent, be independant etc, I have some serious high demands from my potential boyfriends. It has also changed over time due to what I've learnt from exs and what I didn't like with them. If he had no interest in video games, I won't give them a second look even if he looked like the sexist nerd in the world.



cyberdad
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09 May 2021, 7:14 am

amykitten wrote:
MaxE wrote:
I have some serious high demands from my potential boyfriends. .


For the benefit of single men on this forum who are hanging on your every word, apart from beards what other attributes do you exclude in the looks department?



amykitten
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09 May 2021, 8:33 am

cyberdad wrote:
For the benefit of single men on this forum who are hanging on your every word, apart from beards what other attributes do you exclude in the looks department?


Besides missing limbs, I have apotemnophobia, being at least over 170cm or 5'6 in height and ideally not that many muscles, tattoos or piercing as they aren't really my thing I don't think there is much I exclude and even the latter two are negotiable. That doesn't mean I'd automatically be attracted to someone though.



Minervx_2
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09 May 2021, 10:15 am

Looks matter a lot to people on the first impression (because that's all you know about that person when you first meet them). But as you get to know the person, personality becomes way more important.

The downside with online dating: you don't really get opportunities to *know* most of these people. You're just spending a minute or 2 (if that), looking at 1 profile in a sea of hundreds or thousands of profiles.

But in real life, if you and the other person are in a mutual social setting and have seen each other at least a few times, then you both get to know each others personality.



MaxE
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09 May 2021, 10:21 am

amykitten wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
For the benefit of single men on this forum who are hanging on your every word, apart from beards what other attributes do you exclude in the looks department?


Besides missing limbs, I have apotemnophobia, being at least over 170cm or 5'6 in height and ideally not that many muscles, tattoos or piercing as they aren't really my thing I don't think there is much I exclude and even the latter two are negotiable. That doesn't mean I'd automatically be attracted to someone though.

However I get the impression you don't worry overmuch about your own looks, which may make you part of a minority among women in general.


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