So i like a burmeese (immigrant) woman

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What should I do?
Poll runs till 10 Aug 2021, 3:01 am
Ask her out not knowing her overly well 17%  17%  [ 1 ]
Stay friends and see what happends 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Straight up ask if she likes me 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Wait for an obvious sign 17%  17%  [ 1 ]
Suggest a drink or something vague 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Get to know her more then ask 67%  67%  [ 4 ]
random romantic gesture/go from there 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 6

kingem125
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12 May 2021, 3:01 am

So i like a burmeese (immigrant) woman i work with, who's about my age but need advice on how to know if shes interested or just being friendly with out being creepy...yes she speaks english fairly well, she has just gotten her citizenship (so I'm sure it's not a green card psudo love situation if you can even call it that).

so I started a new and good job with tons of oprituunity for career advancement and awsome benefits, good hours ect. I had a one week training class with some pretty remarkable and interesting people. I met a guy from Compton. a lady who's sober for 2 years and reciently not homeless anymore. I met a jew from Morocco who's super funny and cool. I met a "budding" (for lack of a better word) nurse from nyanmar aka Burma, who's about my age, single, has no kids and is super nice. I have had all of like 3 or so full on conversations with her in legnth. she speaks good English. Only thing is she works in the nurses office of a lets say "food company" and I work out on the so called "floor".( I just so HAPPEN TO BE WHITE and no I don't have any asian fettish I date anyone I like regardless of race because I'm not that shallow if at all)I'm super open minded and for me it's rare to find nice down to earth intellegent people especially like her. I'm super nice and outgoing but I'm afraid to scare her or be a creep like the asian translator guy who so "obviously" was hitting on her or this "weird armenian guy" as she put it.
I'm admittedly so nice I fear I may either, scare her with out intending to which I'd hate to Since she is such a wonderful person but I feel like I have to know. I also wouldn't mind just being friends either and wouldn't want to mess that up since we get in so seemingly we'll together. Also I'm in a weird spot in life as my position was eliminated by technology at my previous job and I'm looking to eventually buy a house within a yr. So I'm not super into the idea alot of men I know have that they "have to be in a relationship". This is since,I think she is a good kind hearted person who purely happends to be asian and I'm not saying she's not cute but I'm not that into looks in general as long as your teeth ant funny and you look like you care about your hygiene and appearanceto some degree. I'm into dating women who are smart and have something going for them and that aren't miscreants. I find intelligence super desireable as well as drive determination, open mindedness, a high level of responsibility and being caring and kind. I find Having a fairly intelligent and little more then just chit chat conversation with women to be super rare and desirable... since she is all of the above I'm super intrested to know more about her and hang out with her outside of work if she's open to the idea. If not I guess I have a cool burmeese friend to share laughs with when talking to at work.



goldfish21
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12 May 2021, 10:52 am

I like your last line about accepting that if she's not into you you'd like to have her as a work friend. 8)

Maaaybe your best course of action is to simply directly ask her out. I was going to say drinks or something vague - but - if vague vs. direct, you may still be left wondering if she's into you at all beyond being a friendly coworker.

So, maybe being super direct is the best way to go - especially if you're already prepared to accept no for an answer and then let her know it's A-Okay and you're happy to have her as a work friend.


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DW_a_mom
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14 May 2021, 2:29 am

Since you have a poll, I picked "suggest a drink or something vague."

The older I get, the more I'm into being open. To me, that doesn't mean you have to ask her out, but should let her know that you think very highly of her. You could say something like this: "I've been so impressed by you. Would you be willing to have drinks after work (or go to lunch, or ???) so we can talk some more?" I'm intentionally choosing phrasing here that allows HER to choose the next direction, making it NOT be a "date." What you want is an opportunity to advance the connection and see if it MIGHT move into dating territory. If you directly ask someone from work out on a date, but they aren't interested, it gets awkward and problematic fast. So you want to cautiously advance the relationship but leave safe retreat options open.

I haven't had to date for more than 25 years, but I DO hear, all the time, about the advances people receive that make them feel uncomfortable. You don't want to be the guy that makes her uncomfortable because you will be running into her regularly. So just take things slowly. It's OK if both of you actually do want to be together but spend a year figuring that out. You'll get to laugh about it as a couple. Meanwhile, you will have built a foundation that will ultimately help the relationship.

Starting out with "can we go on a date?" is only needed when you won't see someone again, or they are likely to end up getting snatched up by someone else (for example, you're taking it slow but she mentions having a date that weekend; that might be the time to speed it up and say something like "I'd rather you went on a date with me. If you would like to.")

JHMO.


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kraftiekortie
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14 May 2021, 6:49 am

I would agree about not making it a “date,” since she is a co-worker. Make it like an extension of the conversation you were having.

Maybe suggest lunch to continue the conversation you were having? I don’t like “drinks” too much. Don’t offer to pay.

And do remember that she might come from a conservative family—so if there’s a rejection, don’t take it to heart. And she IS a co-worker, so there’s that, too,

I wouldn’t express any romantic interest in her till you’ve had a few get-togethers.



Juliette
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14 May 2021, 10:07 am

I’d get to know her more and then suggest a cafe for a casual lunch or afternoon coffee/chat. Even better, if it involves a casual stroll through a pretty park/gardens locally in the sunshine. Naturally, you wouldn’t suggest this, if it’s a park that seems devoid of people. You both need to feel comfortable. Personally, I just wouldn’t be dating someone who I work with. That’s just me, though. That’s lovely news that you’ll be buying your own home in a year or so. It was exciting for me buying my first home. I then discovered the fun of DIY :). All the best.



IsabellaLinton
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14 May 2021, 10:35 am

Drink or something vague - but not an alcoholic drink. You don't know if she drinks, and that also puts a different slant on the vibe. The drink could be coffee, frozen lemonade, or whatever, possibly straight from work so you don't need to meet her somewhere unfamiliar or attend her home to pick her up. Keep it casual. Be real. Let her know you have a lot of respect for her and you'd like to get to know her better as a friend, without causing her any insecurity like the others. Relationships can take a very long to develop from friendships, but friendships are important for building trust.

@ Juliette,
I noticed you're online. Would it be OK if I message you about a crafting question?



goldfish21
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14 May 2021, 10:38 am

I'm still on team "be direct." Ask her if she'd like to go on a date sometime - so how she reacts. Then you Know. There's no wishy-washy "maybe she likes me too, or maybe not." She'll either say "Yes, that sounds good," or "I'm not really interested in you like that, but you're a nice friendly coworker and that's great."


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Juliette
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14 May 2021, 10:43 am

Sure Isabella. :)



kraftiekortie
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14 May 2021, 11:14 am

Don't forget that they're co-workers. That's something that MUST be considered in this equation.

I've gone out with a few of my co-workers in the 80s and 90s. Nowadays, though, this sort of thing is very much frowned upon in certain circles.