How do you even know if you are attracted to someone?

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Don't know if this is the right section to ask this but I feel like it's the best.

Anyway how do you even know if you are actually attracted to someone. I get obsessive over people and used to call that crushes but in retrospect I really forced the romantic aspect. I thought about them romantically because I thought it was what I should do, not really because I wanted it. If I thought about relationships it was mainly because of feeling I was obligated to or because I thought that is a good way to make them not leave me. In abstract relationships sound nice but I don't think I like the idea of them in reality. But then again that could be because of trauma. But on the other hand if anyone of the opposite gender is nice to me my brain thinks of them romantically because of the feeling of obligation but if they do anything even remotely flirty I become revolted and disgusted. I acted on what I thought was attraction before and started crying because of the disgust. How does one know if they are feeling genuinely attracted to people? I thought the obsession and nervousness meant it was attraction but it always ends up in me feeling suicidal so maybe its them becoming my special interest? Do any of you relate? Sometimes I feel like if I fixed my self esteem/mental health issues I wouldn't be "attracted" to men anymore but maybe that is normal...

Your body will tell you if you're physically attracted to someone.

You will know----trust me. What actually happens is best left for the "adult autism" section.

It's even easier for me as a man.

Have you ever felt the urge to kiss someone with more than a peck? If you did, then you're attracted to that person.

I know I like someone if I start having music fantasies. That means I imagine them singing or writing my favourite songs for me. Then I play the songs on repeat and I keep picturing these scenarios. The person usually plays guitar in these visions.

It's nothing physical at all and I can't really even picture them performing the music because I'm face blind, but I invent all sorts of scenarios where they would sing the song to me. I'm not talking about romance songs. They're usually hard rock or punk or something fun, but with really good lyrics.

I probably started this when I was a nerdy adolescent, but I never outgrew it.

The desire/revolution reaction does sound like a trauma response. I'm truly sorry you experienced trauma. If you don't already have a therapist that you feel comfortable with, I would encourage you to keep looking for a therapist that is helpful and comforting to you (not all therapists are helpful, but if you find a good one it can work wonders).

All of that aside, my earliest romantic attractions always involved a squishy nausious feeling of hyper excitement at the mere mention of the person's name.

I used to make up songs about my crushes----not very good ones, I might add

Usually, it would be similar to the song in West Side Story which went "I just met a girl named Maria."

You want to stick your body parts into their body parts.

I wish people liked me more

I somewhat relate to parts of this, but not entirely, so this post may not be of use but perhaps it might. When I was struggling with internalised homophobia, I would try to force crushes and obsess over certain guys. The focus was always on whether he liked me rather than if I liked him. I'd attempt to make myself believe there was a romantic aspect and it just wasn't there. This was the expected way to be in high school and I just wanted to blend in. I was in denial with myself. When I did have real, genuine crushes I would dismiss them as forms of admiration. Not to say that this is what you are necessarily going through, but I think it relates somewhat.

The feeling was easily identifiable to me, but I didn't want to admit it so instead I distanced myself from it. I think that people can have all sorts of reasons for wanting to feel that way about someone when they don't and it can be difficult to distinguish between wanting to feel that way and actually feeling that way. You mentioned going through trauma and I'm sorry you had to endure that. Unfortunately, it will likely take some time to heal but it is worth it. I think a good starting point is keeping an eye on the kind of thoughts you have about a person. Does it focus on what you can do to get them to like you, or do you predominately think about why you like them?

Just know that you don't have to have everything figured out all at once. Life is complicated and emotions can be complex and take time to make sense of and process. Have you discussed this with a therapist? The suicidal part definitely needs to be addressed.

I know that a fair amount of people quote nervousness as a sign of attraction, but there can be many different reasons why you might feel nervous around someone. Consider why you might be feeling nervous. Does this person hold any power over you? Are you feeling anxious about the social situation you are in? I think that working on your self-esteem and mood would definitely help. Depression and low mood can suppress / decrease attraction so addressing that would be beneficial in multiple ways. However, treatment for depression can sometimes cause this as a side-effect, so if you are taking medication then you might want to look into that and discuss other options with a mental health care provider.

You'll know.

If you have to ask, then that probably means you're not attracted to them.