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goldfish21
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12 Jan 2022, 12:20 pm

Recent new friend over the last 4-5 months. After discussing mutual attraction, we made out a few weeks back and then hooked up on new years. I'm not exactly his main type ((female) which is fine, we like what we like) But, it was incredibly hot - I think for both of us - and he's said they see a fwb thing between us moving forward. (which I'm okay with) But Of Course (despite red flags of life choices/circumstances - mostly drug use habits that need to be kicked again; which is why they're in a detox/rehab place to get clean right now) I find myself thinking it'd be nice to be with him.. naturally, of course, because everyone wants what they can't have lol. Of course, of course! lol it's always the way - just thought I'd share. In the meantime, even as friends with sexual benefits I'm truly solidly good with that - and if seldom or never sexual again, I'm Also good with that. He has his issues, but really truly is a good soul and someone I can see remaining friends with no matter what. 8)

Not really sure what the point of this one is. Not really asking for advice here - I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna carry on as is when he's back from his drying out staycation and then IF things stay exactly the same and we hookup here and there, sweet. If things change and get more serious despite him saying fwb, then I might just roll with that, and if they get less sexual and we're just friends that hangout or have each other's backs when needed - okay, cool. I'm basically not going to force any particular agenda and just go with the flow and enjoy having a new friend + whatever else does or doesn't come along with it. Guess I'm more just sharing to share, put my thoughts on it out there, share that I too have odd relationship dynamics and difficulties. Feel free to comment - or not. :)


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HighLlama
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12 Jan 2022, 4:46 pm

I hope it works out to your mutual benefit :)



txfz1
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12 Jan 2022, 4:52 pm

Sounds like you got a plan and it's good for you. Lot of options and no pressure on yourself, if I reading it right. WTG!



goldfish21
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17 Jan 2022, 4:11 pm

Mmhmm, a plan to just go with the flow and enjoy a new friend turned fwb.

Can’t help but think of the possibility of it being something more, though. Especially since he’s said he didn’t realize he could be this attracted to a guy, and made a comment about how his parents might react if we dated - so obviously the thought has crossed his mind.

Yet he’s also been very transparent about saying he sees us as solid friends with some side benefits vs dating.

Soo, some slightly mixed signals, and since I don’t want to lose him as a friend I won’t push for anything in particular and will basically just let things happen as they happen and just go with whatever is or isn’t meant to be. I don’t have expectations that he’ll change his mind, but in some ways I hope so, but still - I’m not gonna push any agenda as that’d be a recipe for pushing him away vs maintaining a good friendship.

Just.. can’t help but think about it though - and I am enjoying the thoughts at least vs tormenting myself lol. It’s so rare that I actually like someone vs just want to hookup with them, so can’t help but think about possibilities. At least it’s all enjoyable thought exercises vs frustrating or anything. 8)


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goldfish21
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24 Jan 2022, 1:07 pm

20 days since I’ve heard from him. Fingers crossed hoping that he’s simply
in a detox/rehab facility with no phone privileges. 2nd place would be if his phone got broken/lost/stolen. Absolute worst case would be if one last pre-detox bender was fatal -> but I don’t really think so; he was at least careful to consume dangerous drugs in methods that were safer. Also, I checked out his Facebook profile and no activity there —> OD deaths are so common these days that after they happen and word spreads, friends/family post messages of condolences etc on FB, especially during Covid when crowds haven’t been gathering.

Soo ya, hopefully he’s just going through withdrawals and his phone is being kept from him semi-voluntarily so he can’t do anything stupid like contact a dealer etc. I don’t think he will - he was sober before Covid for 4 years and truly Wanted to get there again, made all the calls to get registered in these places and go when a bed came up etc. IMO, he has a great chance at success vs those who are being made to go but don’t really want to do it for themselves.

First new friend I’ve made in quite a while that I actually like and care about, sooo, hoping he’s doing ok and we get to hangout again - even just platonically I mean. I like his attitude, sense of humour, general personality & values. 8)


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blazingstar
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25 Jan 2022, 6:38 am

I wish the best for you and your friend however it turns out.


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goldfish21
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30 Jan 2022, 1:36 pm

blazingstar wrote:
I wish the best for you and your friend however it turns out.


Thanks! :)

Still no word. I hope that just means he's taking detox/rehab seriously or maybe his phone broke/got lost/stolen vs. anything worse. He owes me a small amount of money! :lol: Ha, no, not seriously concerned about the couple bucks.

I did receive a parcel of a printed hoodie I ordered online on his behalf, though. Would def be nice to gift it to him (instead of accept payment for it as agreed) when he's out with a clear sober head. 8)


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goldfish21
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08 Mar 2022, 12:36 am

He's still alive. Contacted me Friday, we hung out on the weekend. Definitely has made progress on sobriety but isn't quite there yet - a work in progress. Taking next steps for further improvement. I definitely like that he takes personal responsibility for his self created issues and then takes action to deal with them.

Overall I'd say I'm more into him than he is into me, and tbh we're still quite a ways apart on sobriety and some other things. Chances are unlikely that we'll ever date, but very very good that we'll remain long term friends - which I'm okay with. 8)


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goldfish21
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08 May 2022, 8:58 pm

Hadn’t seen or heard from him in a couple weeks - which isn’t abnormal. Met up and went for sushi at a funky place in Kitsilano last night, caught up a bit, went for a drive had a smoke etc.

Juuuust waiting for him to come out to my car now so we can go see The Batman finally. Been meaning to for a month. He’s chronically later than me tho. :lol:

It’s nice to see him, put better thoughts and plans in his head than he’s got, keep him on track towards better. Plus he’s smokin’ hot so that’s all good, too. Definitely a friend I hope I have forever.


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klanka
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09 May 2022, 3:48 am

I started following this thread like it was a romance novel, the bit where he went into rehab was like the will he/won't he thing , like a cliffhanger.

I guess you were not feeling good during that time though



goldfish21
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09 May 2022, 4:43 am

klanka wrote:
I started following this thread like it was a romance novel, the bit where he went into rehab was like the will he/won't he thing , like a cliffhanger.

I guess you were not feeling good during that time though


Ya, was worried about him when he was out of contact for so long.

Was good to see him again this wknd and hangout, but I think he’s back to using more of at least some drugs again and really needs to get back to treatment Or just quit cold turkey and be sick for a month of withdrawals - he even stated that very thing early this eve so that’s not just what I think, he said it. So ya that’s frustrating because then behaviours are.. space cadet - Zero sense of time, and that gets annoying. I’m late for things but this is next level lateness.

But he’s alive and well and okay overall, so thats good. Just needs to refocus and get back on track better than he is now. I mean, he’s better now than 5 months ago.. but still not where he needs to be yet so has to keep moving forward with next right moves not steps backwards.


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