Autistic Functioning Level & Dating Success

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ironpony
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27 Jun 2022, 12:29 am

Muse933277 wrote:
ironpony wrote:

Number 3 caught my interest, because in my experience in order to date or get sex, my friends would always say to me why do I keep going for women lower than my league. It's because I wanted to date or have sex, and going lower than my league is how I got it, but do a lot of other autistic people do this as well, in order to be accepted, or maybe guys more so?



Some guys go for fat women, specifically because they're either just trying to get laid and they think that fat women are easy because they have lower standards OR they go for fat women because they think they can't get anybody better.

It's also the reason why a lot of unattractive women can get sex easily but not relationships. It's because men have three zones; the friendzone, the fuckzone, and the relationshipzone. The fuckzone is reserved for women you wish to have sex with but not get into a relationship with either because you're just looking for sex, or the girl you're talking to, you don't see her as girlfriend material for whatever reason.


Well in the past, I have gone for overweight women and put them in their relationship so but my friends I feel judged me for because they tell me to highten my standards.



cyberdad
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27 Jun 2022, 1:01 am

1986 wrote:
Consistently going for the very attractive gals and getting snubbed all the time was the story of my youth. But no regrets, I learned a lot from it. Things got better after 23.].


Same, I was really "shallow-Hal" up to 33 only aiming for "attractive girls". Not realising that I was fighting the supply-demand curve (I was probably a slower learner than you).

I cheated though, rather settling for local "leftovers" - I travelled overseas and struck gold!!



1986
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27 Jun 2022, 2:09 am

One has to remember that nobody is perfect. Even if we're talking appearance only it's being propped up by media and fashion, a world where everything is photoshopped. As you mature you acquire a much broader sense of beauty. And that's not even touching the fact that personality matters much more in any serious relationship.

Going off a bit on a tangent here, but it's embarrassing to admit that once in the early phase of our dating I told my wife she looked great, "for a Japanese". She just stared at me and said "so that means, generally speaking, Japanese are on a lower level than, I guess, white people?" Damn. Glad I grew out of that mindset.



cyberdad
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27 Jun 2022, 2:30 am

1986 wrote:
Going off a bit on a tangent here, but it's embarrassing to admit that once in the early phase of our dating I told my wife she looked great, "for a Japanese". She just stared at me and said "so that means, generally speaking, Japanese are on a lower level than, I guess, white people?" Damn. Glad I grew out of that mindset.


This is actually quite common 1986 to carry preconceived ideas (it's not your fault). In my parent's church there was a parishioner who was single in his mid 30s and when he was ribbed at the dinner table about remaining single and somebody said "why don't you try an Asian girl". He was quite good looking (bright shock of red hair) and made some awful comment that he's not that desperate. Later he admitted he wasn't against the idea but he was confident he would meet an Aussie "Shiela", A decade later I ran into him he was walking in the shopping centre with his Filipino wife and two red headed Asian sons :lol: He looked happy when he smiled and said hello to me.



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27 Jun 2022, 2:33 am

1986 wrote:
One has to remember that nobody is perfect. Even if we're talking appearance only it's being propped up by media and fashion, a world where everything is photoshopped. As you mature you acquire a much broader sense of beauty. And that's not even touching the fact that personality matters much more in any serious relationship..


Getting back to the thread I think many members on this forum who are single young men have said they are willing to compromise but can't snag even one date even with an ordinary looking NT girl.

I think the attitude that got me through my 20s was "take me for who I am". It didn't always work but I did get a few dates.



Muse933277
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27 Jun 2022, 8:22 am

I know several people who have went the filipina route.

In some ways, Americans and Filipinas have several things in common. They both speak English, and both come from Christian backgrounds. Filipinas are also some of the most active social media users in the world and are open minded about dating people from different races/nationalities.

Men are drawn to filipinas for their natural beauty, their short and skinny build, and their exotic look. Filipinas are drawn to foreigners for their tall height, white skin, and their ability to give them a better life in a more developed country.



ironpony
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27 Jun 2022, 7:05 pm

1986 wrote:
One has to remember that nobody is perfect. Even if we're talking appearance only it's being propped up by media and fashion, a world where everything is photoshopped. As you mature you acquire a much broader sense of beauty. And that's not even touching the fact that personality matters much more in any serious relationship.

Going off a bit on a tangent here, but it's embarrassing to admit that once in the early phase of our dating I told my wife she looked great, "for a Japanese". She just stared at me and said "so that means, generally speaking, Japanese are on a lower level than, I guess, white people?" Damn. Glad I grew out of that mindset.


What is it with some guys not liking Asian women? Are they worried they will be prudish?



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27 Jun 2022, 7:09 pm

ironpony wrote:
What is it with some guys not liking Asian women? Are they worried they will be prudish?
It seems to me like guys tend to either have a fetish for how Asian women look or they are turned off by how Asian women look. Any more discussion about this should probably be in the Adult section. If someone wants to make a post .


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1986
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27 Jun 2022, 7:29 pm

Just my personal opinion, but people usually avoid dating someone "too different" from their community. I'm from a small town and our community was very homogeneous and patriotic. My brothers ended up dating people just a stone's throw from our home. Naturally I had that bias too when I was younger, i.e. "my girlfriend should be a blonde Swede and that's the only way". I changed my mind when I moved abroad and learned that the world is bigger than my dusty backyard.

I don't find Japanese women prudish at all. Rather the contrary. But my experience is limited.



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27 Jun 2022, 7:48 pm

1986 wrote:
Just my personal opinion, but people usually avoid dating someone "too different" from their community. I'm from a small town and our community was very homogeneous and patriotic. My brothers ended up dating people just a stone's throw from our home. Naturally I had that bias too when I was younger, i.e. "my girlfriend should be a blonde Swede and that's the only way". I changed my mind when I moved abroad and learned that the world is bigger than my dusty backyard.

I don't find Japanese women prudish at all. Rather the contrary. But my experience is limited.


Interesting. When I was younger, the people interested in me were very often either autistic themselves, or from very different cultures/backgrounds to my own. I am also most comfortable working in very culturally diverse environments, I feel like my weirdness is less of an issue.


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1986
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27 Jun 2022, 8:02 pm

Yes, that's why I prefer living in very big cities. People have a higher tolerance for difference, be it in appearance or in personality, so the problems of ASD are not as big as one would expect here.



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27 Jun 2022, 8:27 pm

1986 wrote:
Yes, that's why I prefer living in very big cities. People have a higher tolerance for difference, be it in appearance or in personality, so the problems of ASD are not as big as one would expect here.


Same. Part of what blunted the impact of growing up autistic for me, was growing up in a major metro, but in particular, in a very very diverse area that included people of all kinds of different backgrounds and cultures, but even plenty of "weird" white Americans (there were lots of broke musicians and various broke people who otherwise worked in the arts).

Whereas I've lived in this little town for 10 years now and have no more than exactly the same number of friends here I started with (my partner and his probably-autistic best friend) and for whatever reason, people don't even talk to me. They just kind of politely greet me and move on and it feels very... chilly.


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Muse933277
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27 Jun 2022, 9:38 pm

From my experience, church people tend to be really nice and outgoing. I’m not too religious but if you are, you can easily find a community through church.

As for the women at church, from my experience, they tend to want “traditional “ looking guys. Every single girl under 5 ft 3 at the church I went to was in a relationship with a white guy at least 5 ft 10. Then again, it was a college group which had a big fraternity/sorority scene so your experience may be different depending on where you live.



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28 Jun 2022, 2:20 am

Joe90 wrote:
Also I do see a pattern here. I've noticed that more females here are in relationships than males here, and there seems to be more lonely males posting in the love and dating section

The pattern I've noticed is that there are plenty of women here with difficulty finding romantic relationships, but they don't post about it as often or at anywhere near as great length as the men do. Also, women are more likely to post about this issue in sections other than "Love & Dating."

Joe90 wrote:
while the social skills and making friends section seems more of lonely females posting about failed friendships (even if the female is in a relationship).

This I've noticed too. Not sure if it's because the women here have greater difficulty finding friends than the men, or if it's because the women here are more likely to care about having friends than the men do.


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28 Jun 2022, 2:41 am

OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWD!

People on different autistic levels have differing success in dating?

And ones at higher functioning levels do better than those at lower functioning levels?

What a SHOCK!

Next theyre gonna inform us all that "water is wet", and that "salt tastes salty".



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28 Jun 2022, 10:41 pm

I don't know about women but can guys use autism to their advantage with women?

I know a guy who uses his autism to make women feel sorry for him and they will have sex with him out of pity, or so he's told me. So he plays that angle with his autism and it works for him.

One time also, a woman told me she felt that she was reluctant to have sex with me because since I am autistic, she thought she would be taking advantage of me. But I used that to my advantage to get her in the mood, telling her to take advantage of me and not feel bad about it, in a seductive way.

But could other guys use their autism to their advantage in ways like these, that may help with women?