I hate seeing young couples (rant)

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magz
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19 Sep 2023, 10:39 am

In this thread, I said nothing about my own experiences.
I was sympathetic towards RetroGamer because I know his story.


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RetroGamer87
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21 Sep 2023, 8:16 am

KitLily wrote:
The other reason why women have trouble dating is the simple situation:

Men fear that women will laugh at them.
Women fear that men will kill them.

It's the inequality of the relationship: going on a date with a man we don't know well could end in our deaths. Usually the worst thing that could happen to a man going on a date with a woman he doesn't know well is that she will make fun of him.

Of course there are exceptions, but that's the general situation.


Getting killed is much much worse but I actually do fear that people will laugh at me. Not women specifically, just people in general. A big part of my social phobia is that I might say the wrong thing and then be humiliated.

Maybe it sounds silly but this fear holds me back in a serious way. I know there's no comparison to fearing for your life. That's much worse.


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WantToHaveALife
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25 Sep 2023, 2:07 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
KitLily wrote:
The other reason why women have trouble dating is the simple situation:

Men fear that women will laugh at them.
Women fear that men will kill them.

It's the inequality of the relationship: going on a date with a man we don't know well could end in our deaths. Usually the worst thing that could happen to a man going on a date with a woman he doesn't know well is that she will make fun of him.

Of course there are exceptions, but that's the general situation.


Getting killed is much much worse but I actually do fear that people will laugh at me. Not women specifically, just people in general. A big part of my social phobia is that I might say the wrong thing and then be humiliated.

Maybe it sounds silly but this fear holds me back in a serious way. I know there's no comparison to fearing for your life. That's much worse.


what makes me angry a lot is that most people and society expect guys, men, to have common sense, or just have natural instinctive innate common sense, knowledge, for knowing what is creepy behavior and what is NOT around women, they expect us to just have it naturally figured out for knowing how to NOT behave or talk creepy, awkwardly around women, but i like to think that is not true for the majority of guys, men.



rse92
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25 Sep 2023, 2:11 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
KitLily wrote:
The other reason why women have trouble dating is the simple situation:

Men fear that women will laugh at them.
Women fear that men will kill them.

It's the inequality of the relationship: going on a date with a man we don't know well could end in our deaths. Usually the worst thing that could happen to a man going on a date with a woman he doesn't know well is that she will make fun of him.

Of course there are exceptions, but that's the general situation.


Getting killed is much much worse but I actually do fear that people will laugh at me. Not women specifically, just people in general. A big part of my social phobia is that I might say the wrong thing and then be humiliated.

Maybe it sounds silly but this fear holds me back in a serious way. I know there's no comparison to fearing for your life. That's much worse.


what makes me angry a lot is that most people and society expect guys, men, to have common sense, or just have natural instinctive innate common sense, knowledge, for knowing what is creepy behavior and what is NOT around women, they expect us to just have it naturally figured out for knowing how to NOT behave or talk creepy, awkwardly around women, but i like to think that is not true for the majority of guys, men.


I think you are wrong.



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25 Sep 2023, 2:36 pm

I'll tell you what's creepy behavior:

- Touchy-feeliness :eew:
- Being stared at
- Someone looking at a person's chest (etc)
- Being stalked/followed
- Not taking "no" for an answer
- Being manipulative in any way
- Sexual suggestiveness during an initial encounter
- Hitting on women when you're drunk
- Hitting on drunk women

Talk to women as if they are fellow humans not the Other.


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WantToHaveALife
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25 Sep 2023, 2:45 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I'll tell you what's creepy behavior:

- Touchy-feeliness :eew:
- Being stared at
- Someone looking at a person's chest (etc)
- Being stalked/followed
- Not taking "no" for an answer
- Being manipulative in any way
- Sexual suggestiveness during an initial encounter
- Hitting on women when you're drunk
- Hitting on drunk women

Talk to women as if they are fellow humans not the Other.


well i think a large portion of men, have been guilty of making either one or some of this mistakes when interacting with women, but they did not do it intentionally, they sadly didn't have the common sense to know what is creepy and what is not.

Thats why the way i see it, men are the only gender that have to mess up or make social mistakes, go through social failure, when it comes to learning how or getting better at interacting with the other sex.



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25 Sep 2023, 3:03 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Thats why the way i see it, men are the only gender that have to mess up or make social mistakes, go through social failure, when it comes to learning how or getting better at interacting with the other sex.

That's not true. I made a rather major social mistake recently, apparently. I still don't really get it.

In any case, most men do NOT engage in any of the behavior I outlined or haven't done so since middle school. Knowledge is power. Most people do not want to make others feel uncomfortable/anxious/unsafe if they can help it.


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25 Sep 2023, 5:17 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
KitLily wrote:
The other reason why women have trouble dating is the simple situation:

Men fear that women will laugh at them.
Women fear that men will kill them.

It's the inequality of the relationship: going on a date with a man we don't know well could end in our deaths. Usually the worst thing that could happen to a man going on a date with a woman he doesn't know well is that she will make fun of him.

Of course there are exceptions, but that's the general situation.


Getting killed is much much worse but I actually do fear that people will laugh at me. Not women specifically, just people in general. A big part of my social phobia is that I might say the wrong thing and then be humiliated.

Maybe it sounds silly but this fear holds me back in a serious way. I know there's no comparison to fearing for your life. That's much worse.


what makes me angry a lot is that most people and society expect guys, men, to have common sense, or just have natural instinctive innate common sense, knowledge, for knowing what is creepy behavior and what is NOT around women, they expect us to just have it naturally figured out for knowing how to NOT behave or talk creepy, awkwardly around women, but i like to think that is not true for the majority of guys, men.


I think they expect us to have common sense towards not acting creepy because neurotypicals have an innate knowadge of how not to be creepy, so they expect us to as well.

It's not that societiy expects men to have this ability, society thinks everyone has this ability and ASD people don't.


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WantToHaveALife
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25 Sep 2023, 5:22 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Thats why the way i see it, men are the only gender that have to mess up or make social mistakes, go through social failure, when it comes to learning how or getting better at interacting with the other sex.

That's not true. I made a rather major social mistake recently, apparently. I still don't really get it.

In any case, most men do NOT engage in any of the behavior I outlined or haven't done so since middle school. Knowledge is power. Most people do not want to make others feel uncomfortable/anxious/unsafe if they can help it.


and i will argue and defend this until the day i die, until my last breath, socially inept women, socially awkward women, normally never risk getting labeled or perceived as weird or creepy by men, it makes sense as to why guys, men, are the only gender that get thrown those labels.

Because in a womans perspective, a man can be perceived as a danger or a threat, not so much the other way around.



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25 Sep 2023, 6:03 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
KitLily wrote:
The other reason why women have trouble dating is the simple situation:

Men fear that women will laugh at them.
Women fear that men will kill them.

It's the inequality of the relationship: going on a date with a man we don't know well could end in our deaths. Usually the worst thing that could happen to a man going on a date with a woman he doesn't know well is that she will make fun of him.

Of course there are exceptions, but that's the general situation.


Getting killed is much much worse but I actually do fear that people will laugh at me. Not women specifically, just people in general. A big part of my social phobia is that I might say the wrong thing and then be humiliated.

Maybe it sounds silly but this fear holds me back in a serious way. I know there's no comparison to fearing for your life. That's much worse.


what makes me angry a lot is that most people and society expect guys, men, to have common sense, or just have natural instinctive innate common sense, knowledge, for knowing what is creepy behavior and what is NOT around women, they expect us to just have it naturally figured out for knowing how to NOT behave or talk creepy, awkwardly around women, but i like to think that is not true for the majority of guys, men.


I think they expect us to have common sense towards not acting creepy because neurotypicals have an innate knowadge of how not to be creepy, so they expect us to as well.

It's not that societiy expects men to have this ability, society thinks everyone has this ability and ASD people don't.


B.S. Plenty of men on the autism spectrum know it’s wrong to creep on or stalk woman. You have agency. Don’t blame your autism. You know it’s wrong. Act accordingly.



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25 Sep 2023, 6:23 pm

rse92 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
KitLily wrote:
The other reason why women have trouble dating is the simple situation:

Men fear that women will laugh at them.
Women fear that men will kill them.

It's the inequality of the relationship: going on a date with a man we don't know well could end in our deaths. Usually the worst thing that could happen to a man going on a date with a woman he doesn't know well is that she will make fun of him.

Of course there are exceptions, but that's the general situation.


Getting killed is much much worse but I actually do fear that people will laugh at me. Not women specifically, just people in general. A big part of my social phobia is that I might say the wrong thing and then be humiliated.

Maybe it sounds silly but this fear holds me back in a serious way. I know there's no comparison to fearing for your life. That's much worse.


what makes me angry a lot is that most people and society expect guys, men, to have common sense, or just have natural instinctive innate common sense, knowledge, for knowing what is creepy behavior and what is NOT around women, they expect us to just have it naturally figured out for knowing how to NOT behave or talk creepy, awkwardly around women, but i like to think that is not true for the majority of guys, men.


I think they expect us to have common sense towards not acting creepy because neurotypicals have an innate knowadge of how not to be creepy, so they expect us to as well.

It's not that societiy expects men to have this ability, society thinks everyone has this ability and ASD people don't.


B.S. Plenty of men on the autism spectrum know it’s wrong to creep on or stalk woman. You have agency. Don’t blame your autism. You know it’s wrong. Act accordingly.


while that has never happend to me, very glad, some guys on the spectrum, unfortuneately, are unaware that the behavior they are doing is stalking and they don't find out until sadly, negative consequences occur to them.



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25 Sep 2023, 7:20 pm

Negative consequences are often good because they can help people learn and adjust their behavior as needed.

Stalking can make people uncomfortable, triggered, or even afraid depending on various factors.


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25 Sep 2023, 9:55 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Negative consequences are often good because they can help people learn and adjust their behavior as needed.

Stalking can make people uncomfortable, triggered, or even afraid depending on various factors.


well plenty of negative consequences can be forever permanently emotionally, mentally damaging to a person, in which that person never completely gets over it.



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25 Sep 2023, 10:03 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Negative consequences are often good because they can help people learn and adjust their behavior as needed.

Stalking can make people uncomfortable, triggered, or even afraid depending on various factors.


well plenty of negative consequences can be forever permanently emotionally, mentally damaging to a person, in which that person never completely gets over it.

Hopefully, that will be a deterrent. Most people do know how to not act like creeps whether they have autism or not. Most people do know that it's wrong to stalk people.

Harassment can have a lot of negative consequences for victims. If I would ever experience being stalked from someone again, there'd certainly be negative consequences, hopefully short AND long-term. :skull: I've wasted too much of my life feeling sorry for people who mistreat me, and I'm officially done with that nonsense. It's not my problem.

Stalking is f*****g triggering, especially for people who've experienced sexual harassment and/or sexual abuse/violence in the past.


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26 Sep 2023, 12:01 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Negative consequences are often good because they can help people learn and adjust their behavior as needed.

Stalking can make people uncomfortable, triggered, or even afraid depending on various factors.


well plenty of negative consequences can be forever permanently emotionally, mentally damaging to a person, in which that person never completely gets over it.

Hopefully, that will be a deterrent. Most people do know how to not act like creeps whether they have autism or not. Most people do know that it's wrong to stalk people.

Harassment can have a lot of negative consequences for victims. If I would ever experience being stalked from someone again, there'd certainly be negative consequences, hopefully short AND long-term. :skull: I've wasted too much of my life feeling sorry for people who mistreat me, and I'm officially done with that nonsense. It's not my problem.

Stalking is f*****g triggering, especially for people who've experienced sexual harassment and/or sexual abuse/violence in the past.


while i have not been accused of stalking, i know someone who got labeled that, even got a restraining order, besides him having autism, a part of me likes to think that him being born premature as a baby contributed a lot to his mental and social struggles. It led me to do research about being born premature, and sadly, yes, depending on how early a baby is born premature, it can lead to mental and social problems.



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26 Sep 2023, 8:17 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Negative consequences are often good because they can help people learn and adjust their behavior as needed.

Stalking can make people uncomfortable, triggered, or even afraid depending on various factors.


well plenty of negative consequences can be forever permanently emotionally, mentally damaging to a person, in which that person never completely gets over it.

Hopefully, that will be a deterrent. Most people do know how to not act like creeps whether they have autism or not. Most people do know that it's wrong to stalk people.

Harassment can have a lot of negative consequences for victims. If I would ever experience being stalked from someone again, there'd certainly be negative consequences, hopefully short AND long-term. :skull: I've wasted too much of my life feeling sorry for people who mistreat me, and I'm officially done with that nonsense. It's not my problem.

Stalking is f*****g triggering, especially for people who've experienced sexual harassment and/or sexual abuse/violence in the past.


while i have not been accused of stalking, i know someone who got labeled that, even got a restraining order, besides him having autism, a part of me likes to think that him being born premature as a baby contributed a lot to his mental and social struggles. It led me to do research about being born premature, and sadly, yes, depending on how early a baby is born premature, it can lead to mental and social problems.

His behavior must've been pretty bad to warrant a restraining order. Women shouldn't have to put up with that. Keep in mind that you have only heard his side of the story.


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