Looking For A Connection And To Talk

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V6079
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25 May 2024, 1:42 pm

Hey, I'm new to the forum and hope everyone is well.
I'm a high functioning autistic.

I've been alone many years now, I left my ex girlfriend about 9 and a half years ago. It did not end very well.
But that's another matter.

Being alone is weighing on me more and more as of late.

I've never been very good at opening up but want to get better at it.
Was wondering if someone would like to chat?



bee33
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25 May 2024, 2:33 pm

It's difficult to be alone, at least for some. Some people seem to be fine with it. I like to have a partner and have recently met someone when I never thought it would happen. I'm not one to be overly optimistic, but I guess I've been proven wrong by my own experience. So maybe you can be hopeful?



Mountain Goat
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25 May 2024, 2:44 pm

Hello. I am in the UK.


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V6079
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25 May 2024, 2:52 pm

That's wonderful to hear Bee. I'm very glad for you :D .

Hello Mountain Goat.

I find if I stay alone and don't meet people I'm ok.
I went thought a year or so of that.
But when meeting new groups of people I find I go into these slump cycles. Which with working is now constantly the case.
I'll meet someone who is lovely only to dissuade myself from doing anything as how could a thing like me be liked.



Beau
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26 May 2024, 1:53 am

Hey.

Why do you view yourself so poorly? Why shouldn't other people like you? I'm sure there's got to be at least one decent quality you have. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?


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V6079
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26 May 2024, 2:31 am

Hey Beau,

For as long as I remember I've always viewed myself poorly.
I'm trying to change but whenever I try to think positively about myself, then I just think yuck and I feel sick. Then it just starts to degenerate from there.

I haven't been going out much lately.
I like to go sit in a quiet cafe for breakfast.
Work has just been draining me a bit as of late.
I enjoy video games but need to find some hobbies.
I moved last year and am still adjusting I think.



Mountain Goat
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26 May 2024, 2:46 am

Just seen this is the love and dating section. Thought it was the welcome section. I am a straight male so oops! :D

But I hope you find someone who is just right for you!


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V6079
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26 May 2024, 5:28 am

No worries mate,

Thank you.



Beau
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26 May 2024, 8:55 pm

Hi V6079.

Not sure if this means much, but based on your responses, you seem like a kind person. I think it's difficult for a lot of people to see themselves in a positive light because it takes a lot of effort to break the negativity and spiraling. Personally, I enjoy doing things for others and remembering their expressions, how I made them they feel etc boosts my attitude and helps me get through the day.

Sitting in a quiet cafe or even walking around the city/neighborhood are great ways to relax/unwind. Work is exhausting and it's a bit depressing to think we'll be doing this for the next 30-40 years until retirement. I'm fortunate enough to have coworkers that I get along with and who I can joke around with especially since I spend more time with them than with my family.

Do you live alone or with others? Living alone does have its perks like peace and solitude, but it can be lonely. Moving to a new place is always nerve-wracking and stressful. I moved to my current city 5 years ago and I didn't know anyone. I'm lucky that through my work, I met some people who would invite me here and there to different events so eventually my coworkers became my friends. As I'm getting older, I'm realizing how important relationships are and how much I cherish the friends/memories I've made. At the end of life, I believe memories are all you can really take with you.


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V6079
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27 May 2024, 10:06 am

Thank you Beau,

I've always been terrible at it. I just can't. I can be positive when it comes to other people. I just can't do it when it's about myself. I just find I'm locked into that thinking.
I'm unaccustomed to being open so don't know if I should get the perspective of someone who knows me. Worried it'll be a bit too forward.
Yeah that is true. I'm the same with that I have people I can have a laugh with which is lucky.
I live with my mum and step dad. Our house is split in such a way that I have my own flat within basically. Everything but a kitchen.
I do enjoy the peace and rest alone.
Just every now and then miss the presence of someone you know.
It has taken some getting use to but slowly getting there.
That is true.
I do think what I'll see when I look back in years to come.



Beau
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29 May 2024, 1:28 pm

Hey V6079.

Quote:
...I can be positive when it comes to other people. I just can't do it when it's about myself...


It is really tough thinking of one's self in a positive light. I can't lie, I still have difficulties liking/loving myself and it's so much easier seeing the good in everyone else.

Quote:
I'm the same with that I have people I can have a laugh with which is lucky.


Yeah, when you find people you can laugh with, it makes life more bearable lol

Quote:
I live with my mum and step dad. Our house is split in such a way that I have my own flat within basically. Everything but a kitchen.


That's pretty cool. There's definitely a lot more people our age living at home. Nothing wrong with that. Financially more responsible where I live...no reason to spend thousands on monthly rent and bills when you can put that towards savings etc. Others may need to take care of parents or family.

Quote:
Just every now and then miss the presence of someone you know.


Can definitely relate. Sometimes that pang of loneliness hits and while friendships are great, it's not like a romantic relationship. Friends don't provide that level of intimacy/affection that a partner can. Sigh this got depressing lol


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Last edited by Beau on 29 May 2024, 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

V6079
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29 May 2024, 1:40 pm

I just can't do it, I'll say something and then I'll just feel my stomach acid coming up haha.
Yeah, we all wanted a better life so we stuck together and I wanted to help them as much as I could.
I don't want children, I only want them to be able to live happily.
Sorry, didn't mean to make this depressing haha.
Just wish I had a bit of intimacy once every blue moon is all I suppose :D .



Beau
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31 May 2024, 1:56 am

Quote:
... I'll just feel my stomach acid coming up


Take tums lol

Quote:
Yeah, we all wanted a better life so we stuck together and I wanted to help them as much as I could.
I don't want children, I only want them to be able to live happily.


That's admirable. I help take care of my parents and while I love them, it can be tough. Sometimes it feels like I'm putting my life on hold :/ which led to a bit of resentment. Earlier this year, I took a few weekend trips and those have helped recharge me.

Same, I don't have kids and probably won't in the future. Life is already exhausting and I don't want to add kids to the mix.

Quote:
Just wish I had a bit of intimacy once every blue moon is all I suppose


Hmm yeah, though I'd say aim for more lol


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V6079
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31 May 2024, 7:06 am

Hahaha, I'd have to take like 30 of them before I even thought something positive.
I've never wanted children and I know I never will. I've only ever wanted a good life for them from the outset. It would just be nice to have someone to share in the journey is all.
I think I'm going to have to try and go on a trip or two in the next year.
More would be nice haha. Just not getting my hopes up.



Beau
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31 May 2024, 11:19 am

Quote:
...take like 30 of them


Lol I'm picturing you gobbling down tums and when there's a moment for you to answer, you just pop another one heh

Quote:
I've never wanted children and I know I never will. I've only ever wanted a good life for them from the outset.


You're a good son.

Whenever I'm at work and I hear a kid screaming, I cringe. I don't think I'm "motherly", but that's alright, I can be the cool aunt haha. My mom among some others have gently pressured me to get married and start a family, but I don't think that's the path for me. I've got quite a bit on my plate in terms of stress from work and caring for parents. I'm in a financially good place, being able to take care of myself, so I would rather live a little bit. Do things I didn't get a chance to do in my 20s because I was too focused on school.

Quote:
I think I'm going to have to try and go on a trip or two in the next year.


Do it! Your mind and body will be grateful for it lol. It doesn't even have to be a long trip. A weekend getaway is perfectly fine; I went to a comedy show because I needed more laughter in my life, went to Disney because it made me happy, might go to a lake in a few months.

Quote:
More would be nice haha. Just not getting my hopes up.


Aw I get it.


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V6079
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31 May 2024, 1:18 pm

Hahaha that is true. And I'd still feel it come up haha.

Absolutely :D. Honestly I don't think I'm very fatherly. I'm just a cranky old man but only 30 haha.

I totally get that, I was never pressured but it definitely isn't my path either.

Honestly I'm hoping to go to all sorts but just need the dust to settle. Hopefully it won't just be a dream :D.