How do you decide if someone is right for you?

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bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 5:42 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
You seem to have compressed the timeframe.
5 minute compatibility check, overnight test run.
THEN see if she comes back

So far for me about 10% come back

I guess that first compatibility check is the part I'm curious about. Is that just is she attractive? It must be more than that. And the overnight test run, is that just sexual compatibility?



Carbonhalo
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10 Sep 2024, 5:50 am

Attractive encompasses a lot more than looks.
Voice, smell, mannerisms, carriage, fashion sense, laugh, appreciation of my humour.
You can work these out in the first 30 seconds.
5 minutes can tell you a truckload of information.
Overnight seems plenty of time to discover hidden.... incompatibilities



Mountain Goat
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10 Sep 2024, 6:15 am

bee33 wrote:
No, the question is for any gender. I don't see why it would be simple for men. Is sexual attraction the only factor in choosing a life partner?


I honestly do not know why it is simpler for men. Men tend to be fussy, so finding "The one" can be hard.



Last edited by Mountain Goat on 10 Sep 2024, 6:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 6:16 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
To my thinking cyberdads list is a little simplistic

Actually not for me. I literally would consider any woman when I was single who had a nice disposition (pleasant personality) and would not run away and when I spoke to her. When that didn't work out I went to Asia. the rest is history, I am happily married.



TwilightPrincess
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10 Sep 2024, 8:35 am

For me, it takes time and getting to know them. Someone could be right for me if we have things in common, if they make me laugh, and if they are kind, empathetic, and interesting. We don’t have to have everything in common but certain things are important to me. I wouldn’t date someone who was conservative, religious, or who expressed any form of bigotry for example. Genuinely liking me is important, too. I wouldn’t want to feel like the person was only interested in me because I was the only available option. I experienced that when I was younger and didn’t like it.


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Mountain Goat
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10 Sep 2024, 9:31 am

This is where USA and the UK differ somewhat, as in the UK couples can get on fine despite having different political oppinions as they may openly debate (And enjoy the debate as well) but we don't take these differences personally. It was a huge wake-up when I joined this site to how different the American people actually are, as you go deep into politics in a very personal level as if it is the same as religion to you!

I understand religion and how it would be difficult. BUT real love overcomes. What I mean by this is something that my Mum said to me around 25+ years ago. She said when a man and a woman find each other and know they are right for each other, the love covers over all other differences and issues. Race, skin colour, religion, politics and many other differences such as rich dating poor or intelligent dating thick, or NT dating ND etc, etc etc.. have no limits on love, as love conquors all!

Yes, it is certainly true that it may not be easy and one of the most difficult to overcome are culteral differences as some from other countries have totally different ways in thinking to each other due to the way each one has been brought up.

For me, it would be hard to date someonewho has a quick temper and who swears because I would cower away in a corner or ignore w hat was said if they swear! (I find it hard to interprate swear words if often used in a sentence such as if someone is angry as they make no sense, and my mind concentrates on trying to make sense of the swear words and I lose the other words inbetween! I would get more information from a dog barking or a cow mooing than someone trying to get a message across to me if their sentences have loads of F words in them! Asking them to speak in english instead does not work as it makes them use even more F words in a sentence! :D (Whoever taught them how to speak?)
I have to laugh. It is like english speaking people who mieet someone speaking another langauge and think that by speaking slowly and loudly it makes a difference! It is hillarious when people do that thinking it will work! :D Yet point to things one needs or draw a picture and one can commuicate somewhat better than me trying to communicate with someone using loads of F's! :D

It makes me laugh thinking about it, how things can get lost in translating! :D

But LOVE overcomes!



TwilightPrincess
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10 Sep 2024, 9:37 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
This is where USA and the UK differ somewhat, as in the UK couples can get on fine despite having different political oppinions as they may openly debate (And enjoy the debate as well) but we don't take these differences personally. It was a huge wake-up when I joined this site to how different the American people actually are, as you go deep into politics in a very personal level as if it is the same as religion to you!

I understand religion and how it would be difficult. BUT real love overcomes. What I mean by this is something that my Mum said to me around 25+ years ago. She said when a man and a woman find each other and know they are right for each other, the love covers over all other differences and issues. Race, skin colour, religion, politics and many other differences such as rich dating poor or intelligent dating thick, or NT dating ND etc, etc etc.. have no limits on love, as love conquors all!

I don't think it's so much about me being an American. It's more about what's important to me personally based, in part, on my own personal experiences with dating, relationships, and marriage. Sure, there are couples, including in America, with widely differing political and religious views, but given how interested I am in certain issues, especially those pertaining to human rights, PPR compatibility is important to me, not that we have to agree about everything. I was stating how I decide if someone is right for me. Obviously, we're all going to have different takes on it and find different things important. If I was less interested in politics (etc.), I might care less about political compatibility. With that being said, it's by no means the only thing that I care about/look for. My preferences all boil down to the fact that I don't just want a lover; I want a best friend.


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bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 10:41 am

I think a lot of political differences come down not to policy issues but to how one thinks other people should be treated. I couldn't date someone who doesn't believe that people should have basic rights and their fundamental needs met. That is the reason I couldn't be with someone who holds right wing views.



Mikurotoro92
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10 Sep 2024, 5:55 pm

It is determined by MANY different factors & variables

Dating for a certain period of time is how you determine compatibility!! !

That is why dating is a required prerequisite to long-term relationship formation

Sex is certainly part of the determination process but it cannot be the SOLE facet or factor to base the success of a romantic relationship on!

Character has to play a role too


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Double Retired
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10 Sep 2024, 6:02 pm

Start with two tests:
(1) I enjoy being around her
(2) She enjoys being around me

It took me a long time to find a gal that passed both.


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cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 6:11 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Sex is certainly part of the determination process but it cannot be the SOLE facet or factor to base the success of a romantic relationship on!

Character has to play a role too


Yes sure, but have you heard of speed dating? the concept came from data suggesting that men and women make a decision if somebody is right for them within 5 minutes. Of course couples need time to vet each other but subconsciously the decision happened without us knowing (our internal radar).



cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 6:12 pm

Double Retired wrote:
Start with two tests:
(1) I enjoy being around her
(2) She enjoys being around me

It took me a long time to find a gal that passed both.


When I said this I was told it was too simplistic...



Double Retired
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10 Sep 2024, 6:18 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
Start with two tests:
(1) I enjoy being around her
(2) She enjoys being around me

It took me a long time to find a gal that passed both.


When I said this I was told it was too simplistic...
Those are necessary but not sufficient. Just a start.


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cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 6:20 pm

Double Retired wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
Start with two tests:
(1) I enjoy being around her
(2) She enjoys being around me

It took me a long time to find a gal that passed both.


When I said this I was told it was too simplistic...
Those are necessary but not sufficient. Just a start.


Yeah, its a start - so when does it start? quite early on.



Carbonhalo
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10 Sep 2024, 6:27 pm

Yes, but how long does it take to work out if you like to hang with each other,
and how long did it take to work out you even wanted to find out?
I think the latter would be the equivalent of the 5 minute analysis, the former is the overnight.

Most of TPs stated criteria can be ascertained in the first 5 minutes, so they're obviously not why she needs time to know a person...I suspect the time is needed before she trusts her own analysis.(Sorry TP...I feel like I'm talking to you as the third person to your face...and making assumptions to boot.)



TwilightPrincess
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10 Sep 2024, 6:42 pm

It would take WAY longer than 5 minutes for me to ascertain if a person is a good fit (as per my stated criteria) and someone I can trust. I’m more about being friends with someone for a while before dating.


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