Why is being single seen as a "lesser" status by some?

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chris1989
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06 Nov 2024, 2:24 pm

It feels very hard for me to fight the other side of my brain with a voice that sounds like my dad but isn't dad, telling me to start knuckling down and meet someone. My counsellor told me to try and mute it out and say to myself that I hear what you are saying but this is my life. I don't know why some people view being single, even for a long period of time as a "lesser" state than those who are in relationships. I sometimes to feel as though some of them are "better and more content with life" than me because some of them have now been in long term relationships or a married with kids. I see a lot of it on my step mum's side of the family and I can't help but feel at times in their presence feel like a "freak". I know this sounds ridiculous but it's how I feel and it's hard to try and shut these thoughts out. I feel more like one because it's as though if you are 30+, never been in a long term relationship and so on then there is something "wrong" with you. I don't if know if being autistic is the reason for what is "wrong" and seem to forget that during these thoughts I have.



Mikurotoro92
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06 Nov 2024, 6:01 pm

Please stop ruminating about this

It won't help you get into a relationship!! !

Instead, work on yourself first

Single is NOT a bad thing at all and sometimes it is a better state than being in the wrong relationship!



Gentleman Argentum
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06 Nov 2024, 6:09 pm

chris1989 wrote:
It feels very hard for me to fight the other side of my brain with a voice that sounds like my dad but isn't dad, telling me to start knuckling down and meet someone. My counsellor told me to try and mute it out and say to myself that I hear what you are saying but this is my life. I don't know why some people view being single, even for a long period of time as a "lesser" state than those who are in relationships. I sometimes to feel as though some of them are "better and more content with life" than me because some of them have now been in long term relationships or a married with kids. I see a lot of it on my step mum's side of the family and I can't help but feel at times in their presence feel like a "freak". I know this sounds ridiculous but it's how I feel and it's hard to try and shut these thoughts out. I feel more like one because it's as though if you are 30+, never been in a long term relationship and so on then there is something "wrong" with you. I don't if know if being autistic is the reason for what is "wrong" and seem to forget that during these thoughts I have.


My perspective -

married 23 years
came home one day from work - house empty
lawyer's papers served the next day at work
Hired a detective - found out my spouse had cheated on me
total cost of divorce - $125,000

I am fine being single :lol:

happiest time of my life. Could not imagine a better life than coming home to my cats. They are happy to see me, love me, like to spend time with me.

I recommend - get a cat. Be nice to it. Lavish it with affection. It can change your life. :heart:

As for "meeting someone..."

Son, be careful what you wish for.


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QuantumChemist
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07 Nov 2024, 8:58 am

Would you rather pay child support to an ex for years? That often happens, as not all marriages last. One of my high school classmates had five kids with his now ex-wife before she filed for divorce out of the blue. He had to work additional jobs just to be able to afford to live in his semi truck. She got the house. He has three more years to go before he will be off the financial hook. Needless to say, he is no longer interested in finding another wife.



Fnord
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07 Nov 2024, 6:07 pm

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." -- Rod Stewart

. . . and half of your earnings . . . and all of your savings . . . and . . .


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physicallycreepy
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07 Nov 2024, 7:29 pm

It might be projection in that they really want or feel they need a partner. Or they could be coming from a helpful/genuine place where they don’t want to see someone end up alone or lonely and suffering because of it.



physicallycreepy
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07 Nov 2024, 7:29 pm

Fnord wrote:
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." -- Rod Stewart

. . . and half of your earnings . . . and all of your savings . . . and . . .

Why a woman he doesn’t like?



Mikurotoro92
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07 Nov 2024, 8:40 pm

Yeah unfortunately not all marriages and relationships work out!! !

For a marriage to last the test of time it MUST be with someone who is your soulmate and best friend!



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Nov 2024, 6:11 pm

Because most people prefer to be partnered, so by not being partnered despite presumably wanting to be, you're probably less satisfied, likely have lower social status and are perhaps less capable than somebody who wants a partner and has one.

Many people don't view things in this way, but you asked about people that do.



lostonearth35
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08 Nov 2024, 6:25 pm

I can't hear you. I'm a crazy cat lady for being single with no children after all, so the voices in my head won't shut up.



Pink Zeppelin
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10 Nov 2024, 10:03 am

Because for humans to survive as long as we have, mating and reproduction were required. Those who didn't do that were a threat to our survival. We are hardwired to want to mate, and to view with trepidation those who don't. We also needed to be part of the group from our hunter/gatherer days, and be excluded form the group was a death sentence because you couldn't survive on your own, so we are also hard wired to judge social standing/status and determine if we are threatened with exclusion.

Read up on Evolutionary Psychology, it explains a lot, even if you don't believe in evolution. We are still running around with our firmware programmed for conditions 12,000 years ago, not for what things are like today. Change comes slow.



RetroGamer87
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13 Nov 2024, 8:25 pm

I hate that being single is seen as lesser! The only reason I even started dating is because people made fun of me for being single.

Why is basement dwelling virgin always used as an insult on the internet? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin and I like basements because they help me feel safe from the world.


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auntblabby
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13 Nov 2024, 9:20 pm

to hell with anybody that'd judge me based on stinking ableism.



bee33
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14 Nov 2024, 5:20 am

physicallycreepy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." -- Rod Stewart

. . . and half of your earnings . . . and all of your savings . . . and . . .

Why a woman he doesn’t like?

Because that's how he feels about his ex wives: they're women he doesn't like (anymore) to whom he gave a house (because they got his house in the divorce).



CockneyRebel
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15 Nov 2024, 12:12 am

Sometimes it's better to be single than it is to be in the wrong relationship.


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