Imagining it.

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I was wondering if anybody on here has/had a hard time imagining what it would be like to go on a date, be in a relationship or even be intimate with another person. I myself can’t imagine it whatsoever. Like when the thought of this stuff comes up I try to imagine what it would be like to experience those things and I just can’t do it. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve accepted the likelihood it’ll never happen. Or if it’s because since I’ve never experienced those things in real life, I can’t even imagine what it’d be like. Like every time I try to do so, my mind goes blank. Anywho, has anyone else experienced a similar thing before?

Sex is good but overrated
Marriage I have yet to actually experience
Same with motherhood

Imagination typically draws upon lived experience in order to generate imagined experiences, either realistic or unrealistic. If one has never been in any sort of relationship, one has no basis of reference to draw upon for what it could possibly be like. The same is true for many things, and many experiences, in life. That's why "I can't even imagine" is a commonly used expression - they have no frame of reference with which to compare.

Another consideration is, even if you could / did imagine something, there's no guarantee that what you've imagined is anything close to reality. This also relates to a lack of experience, with no idea as to what is or isn't realistic or reasonable.

^true but he could pull from fictionalized ideals and depictions of romantic relationships & marriage or talk to people who are currently in relationships/married in order to get a general idea of what it's like even without having experienced those things first-hand himself!! !

That is what I am doing like for example in the cartoon series "SpongeBob SquarePants" I study Karen & Plankton's marriage

I mean no one starts or enters any relationship for the first time knowing exactly how they are supposed to operate and function

So what's the reference point to draw from?

The answer is...there is NO real "reference point" for people who are entering into a romantic relationship/marriage for the first time!

Instead, they take a chance and learn as they go! !!

You could draw some ideas from your parents relationship (hopefully it is good) or from other family members who are married.

Still, it can be hard to imagine things we haven't experienced. I can try to picture what it would be like to be a player. But I have a hard time with that because my reality was about the opposite of that.

The issue with "watching" or "observing" is it's still not an EXPERIENCE.

No amount of watching Top Gun can really give you an idea of what it's like to experience several Gs of acceleration. No amount of watching NASCAR can truly inform you of what it's like to drive 200mph in a melee of other cars. And no amount of watching romantic TV (which is super fake AF anyways, and not an accurate representation of real relationships) is going to teach you what it's actually like to personally be in that situation - assuming the situation is even realistic to begin with.

It can maybe give you "something to imagine", but as mentioned previously, it still might not be an accurate estimate of what to expect in real life. Which can be a detriment, as it can prime you to expect something unrealistic or unreasonable - or to act or respond inappropriately to circumstances.

Fiction is not a window into reality - if it was, it wouldn't be called "fiction".

The issue with watching other people in the real world is, you can only see what's happening in that moment, and have no idea what else is going on. You have no context, no background, and still no experience from which to reference things. You also still have no frame of reference as to what may or may not be acceptable in general. Also other people are not you, and others' relationships may not be anything like yours.